People Who Struggle To Make Friends No Matter How Hard They Try Often Have These 31 Behaviors
Shifting these behaviors could earn you more friends.
John Lord Vicente | Unsplash For many people, making new friends can come easily. However, for others, it can be difficult. Some people struggle with connecting to others, having difficulty being themselves, or being vulnerable in a relationship. For some, friendships can be viewed as labor-intensive and not worth their time and energy investment.
People who struggle to maintain true friendships often display behaviors that keep them from experiencing genuine camaraderie, as described by Marisa Franco, PhD, psychologist and friendship expert. Their behavior can limit opportunities to sustain friendships. Like any other behavior, this is built over time, not formed overnight.
Initially, these friendship-repelling behaviors can be hard to spot. However, they can become more obvious and pervasive.
People who struggle to make friends no matter how hard they try often deal with these 31 behaviors:
1. Not recognizing or appreciating the benefits of friendships
2. Inconsistency and lack of follow-through
3. Failure to prioritize your friend or the friendship
4. Failure to be open to sharing in the friendship
5. Failure to cut ties with relationships that are no longer working
6. Failure to initiate contact or time together
7. Failure to show love to your friends
8. Failure to provide support
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9. Failure to “show up” when your friend(s) need you
10. Constantly overly pessimistic attitude
11. Failure to maintain alliances
12. Failure to create appropriate boundaries in the relationship
13. Failure or reluctance to communicate needs in the friendship
14. Overly critical behavior
15. No regard for others' obligations
16. Being inconsiderate of a friend's feelings
17. Betrayal of the trust in the friendship
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18. Speaking negatively about your friends
19. Engaging in avoidant behavior rather than discussing personal concerns about the friendship
20. Failure to maintain honesty and transparency in the friendship
21. You talk only about yourself
22. You do not seek to learn about your friends on a deeper level
23. Failure or unwillingness to make accommodations or adjustments to improve the friendship
24. You are inflexible — it is always your way or no way
25. You constantly compare yourself to your friends
26. Lack of respect for others and differing views
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27. You hold others accountable for their actions but lack/deny personal accountability
28. Failure to appreciate and respect both similarities and differences
29. Failure to protect and secure secrets
30. Failure to encourage/engage in discouraging behaviors
31. You only provide conditional acceptance
Friendships play a major role in individual health and overall well-being, as explained by the American Psychological Association. However, as we age, making and sustaining friendships can become more challenging with time.
Social connectedness is just as important in childhood as it is in adulthood. Recognizing the importance and commitment required for fostering and nurturing social connections is vital to sustainability.
Once we become adults and take on more responsibilities, establishing new friendships or keeping up with existing ones can be difficult. Friendships are not often prioritized like the other relationships in our lives, such as familial and romantic relationships.
Friendships typically take a backseat to all of our other priorities in life, such as parenting, caregiving, work, health, etc. Just like any other relationship in life, social relationships can present both benefits and challenges.
A 2015 study supported how healthy friendships can improve mood, increase confidence, lead to feelings of belonging, reduce stress, increase an individual’s sense of self-worth, minimize feelings/episodes of loneliness, enhance verbal communication, provide emotional support, prevent/limit loneliness, provide companionship, be a sounding board during difficult times, and provide companionship.
Part of maturing and becoming an adult is developing a real understanding of what true friendship includes. True friendship, like flowers, requires love, attention, and nurturance for growth and sustainability. True friendships can boost confidence, increase positive mental and physical health, help with decision-making, and assist with recovery from traumatic experiences such as sickness, loss, and grief.
Friendship is just as strong as it is fragile. The most important virtues in a friendship are genuineness, care, respect, and trust. If you are true to each other, your friendship will stand the various tests of time and still prosper at its full strength.
True friendship is different from casual friendships. People who understand true friendship recognize that not everyone we meet or “know” qualifies as a friend. We learn that a friend is someone who supports us, even if they do not support our decision. They respect who we are as a person, do not try to change us, but accept us as we are, are honest, and are careful with our feelings.
A friend is someone special to you, not because you may have known them for a long time or because you share mutual interests, but because you cherish each other.
Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford is a psychologist who focuses on relationships, dating, and personality issues, as well as a Certified Relationship Specialist with Diplomate Status, and an expert with the American Psychotherapy Association.
