People Who Are Performing Friendship Often Overuse 6 Phrases To Act Like You're Closer Than You Are
Branislav Nenin | Shutterstock Have you ever been in a friendship that seemed normal on the surface, but something just seemed off? Like the other person is acting like they’re in a performance rather than actually spending time with you?
These are signs you’re in a friendship with someone who is performative rather than authentic and it's a sneakier type of fake friend. The good news is that once you know the signs, you can’t miss them.
People who are performing friendship often overuse 6 phrases to act like you're closer than you are
1. 'We’re literally the same person!'
In psychology, there are people who practice performative bonding in friendship, showering you with love and enthusiasm. Basically, this is when somebody acts like they like all the same things as you or start calling you nicknames when you first meet them just to make it seem like you guys are closer than they are.
While sometimes this is harmless, sometimes it means these people are actually very insecure. They probably feel like they don’t have any friends and they don’t want to put the work in to make a long term relationship.
If you feel like you have a friend like this, then you might want to actually evaluate how much you have in common with them, not just what they claim you two do.
2. 'That happened to me, too, girl'
LuckyImages via Canva
This is another common way people will try to make it seem you're closer friends than you actually are. In psychology, there is a term called synchrony. Basically, this describes the phenomenon of when you are in sync with another person subconsciously.
For example, you both nod your head at the same time or move your arm at the same time. Strategic synchrony is when people purposefully mimic your movements or language in order to make it seem like you guys are super close.
3. 'You're basically my twin'
A woman online shared examples of how performative friendships work, and her explanation really hits home. In essence, they're acting really eager to be your friend.
People who are trying to get close to you without really knowing you try to force the type of friendship that normally takes years to develop. They say stuff like "you're basically my twin' to earn your trust. After all, they're just like you, right?
However, if you feel like something is off because you just met the person, then trust your gut. They might be trying to get something out of you.
4. 'You seem like somebody I could call a best friend'
Jacob Lund via Canva
Although this seems nice on the surface, when you’ve just met somebody, it comes across as a bit odd. The issue with this is that sometimes when you have an instant connection with a friend, it ends up backfiring.
You realize too late that you actually are in fact not the same person, sometimes in a very dramatic way. That's why it's so important to keep an eye out for performative friends. It's better to know right up front what you're getting into. If it turns out you really do have tons in common, that closeness can grow organically.
5. 'Sorry, I forgot what you said earlier'
Although this happens to the best of us, good friends try really hard to listen to other people. This is the mark of a good friend, somebody who is there for you when you need somebody to listen.
Active listening skills require somebody to pay attention and try to remember what somebody is saying to you, and performative friends don’t really do this. Instead, they just smile and nod when in reality, they’re thinking about something else.
It’s not a good feeling when you feel like you’re wasting your time by talking to somebody.
6. 'Ugh, I love you!'
Milan Radulovic's Images via Canva
Yes, friends can love-bomb each other, too! Love-bombing is a modern dating term that describes when someone floods the other person with so much flattery, gifts, attention and praise (on purpose) in order to create a fast, strong bond. It's designed to make someone feel hooked on the love-bomber.
Often, people start saying they love each other wayyyy too early into these types of relationships because the intensity is just off-the-charts.
Unfortunately, you probably don’t know if you love somebody on the second date. Friends can do the same thing. If it’s your first time hanging out with somebody and they say they love you (in a platonic way), that can be weird.
If it doesn’t feel right, listen to your gut. And to be honest, that applies to every single item on this list.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
