People Who Are Liked By Everyone Almost Always Have This Specific Habit, Says A Harvard-Trained Researcher
Dr. Shadé Zahrai gives insight into something that sets well-liked people apart.
PeopleImages | Shutterstock There are some people who are magnetic. No matter where they go, people like them. According to a Harvard-trained researcher named Dr. Shadé Zahrai, people who are liked by everyone almost always share this simple habit, and you can adopt it too.
People always assume that being liked by everyone is all about having a charming, funny, confident personality. While that can be true, in reality, the people whom everyone seems to like and gravitate towards aren't really doing anything over-the-top or overly dramatic. In fact, Dr. Zahrai argues that people who are universally liked by everyone they meet are usually not trying to steal the spotlight or even seek validation from others. Instead, the way they treat people is what others notice the most about them.
People who are liked by everyone almost always speak kindly of others.
"Ever notice how people who speak kindly about others seem naturally likable?" Dr. Zahrai began in her TikTok video. "There is something called the social transference phenomenon, and it is pretty fascinating."
She explained that when you describe someone else's traits, people listening unconsciously associate those same traits with you. So, if you meet someone and describe them to someone else as optimistic or compliment their trustworthiness, you're not just uplifting them; you're also building your own reputation as optimistic and trustworthy.
When you gossip about someone, that's probably hurting your own reputation in the process.
Unsurprisingly, talking badly about others or gossiping has the opposite effect. "If you gossip or speak badly about others, those listening can't help but link those same traits back to you. Your words shape how other people see you," Dr. Zahrai continued.
While we all enjoy a good gossip session with our friends from time to time, this habit has been proven to actually work against us. Venting might feel harmless in the moment, especially when it's framed as retelling events that happened and just being honest, but it impacts the people listening.
People are often paying more attention to the negative things we say about others. Even a casual, passing comment can leave a lasting impression and possibly taint your character in others' eyes.
Therapist Hannah Rose explained that her methods to stop gossiping aren't rooted in shaming herself but instead in practicing moments of self-forgiveness while keeping herself accountable.
"Instead of telling myself, 'I literally wrote a blog post about this... how am I so hypocritical?' I can gently say, 'I really don't like that I just gossiped. I don't want to do that anymore. I forgive myself for being human but I am going to keep myself accountable by telling on myself promptly and making the concerted effort to change my actions,'" Rose shared.
Kindness has a ripple effect that changes everything.
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Most people remember the kindest person in the room compared to the person who chooses to gossip or badmouth others. People who are universally liked don't even realize the impact that they're having on other people and the relationships they're forming.
They're not keeping score; instead, they're just being mindful of how their words land. When someone is consistently speaking well of others, people feel confident that they won't ever be the next person on the gossip wheel. That kind of reliability means people feel safe around you and know they can confide in you about anything and everything.
As behavioral analyst Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D., simply put it, "Authentic compliments allow you to express admiration of others, with the positive traits you cite also being attributed to you. The opposite, of course, is true as well."
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
