People Who Seriously Lack Moral Integrity Usually Use 10 Phrases To Sound Like Good People
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock Not everyone who seems kind on the surface is actually someone with integrity. While many people go out of their way to do the right thing, there are plenty of people out there whose morality is lacking.
Often, they're only looking out for their best interests all while thinking they're superior. The sneaky language they use to seem like good people can tip you off to the fact that it's just a disguise.
Phrases people who secretly lack moral integrity use to sound like good people:
1. 'I would never do something like that'
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People who don't have a moral bone in their body aren't worried about doing the right thing, they're worried about looking like they're doing the right thing.
They know that they're lying, but they don't care enough to correct themselves. If the lie works in their favor, you'll find immoral people often saying, "I would never do something like that" when judging someone else.
The truth is that life's unpredictable. You might think you're above a certain behavior, but nine times out of ten, you won't know until you're in the other person's position. That's why it's best to judge situations, not people.
Rather than passing judgment, it's better to remain open-minded. As Clinical Psychologist Rubin Khoddam, Ph.D.said, "We need to recognize that we're not the only ones making judgments, nor are any of the judgments facts. Judgments are simply our way of seeing the world, which is just one perspective."
2. 'Someone needs to tell you the truth'
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Even if the truth hurts, some people would rather punch someone with the truth than kiss them with a lie. In the moment, they think doing so makes them a good person. They don't use discernment about how, when and even why they're telling the trught.
While the truth is good in some instances, it isn't always productive. As Riley McGee of Monmouth University wrote, "Sometimes hearing the truth is a good thing, and being honest can take you far in your friendships, partnerships, and family relations. On the other hand, it can also hurt those relationships."
This is why it's better to weigh things carefully. If the truth causes more harm than good, it's better to keep opinions to oneself.
3. 'You know I have a good heart'
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There are people out there who have a naturally good heart. When people reliably go out of their way to help others, they don't need to announce it to seem morally superior. Through their actions, you can tell just what type of person they are. This is why saying, "You know I have a good heart," is low-key shady.
Could they be a good person? Maybe, but good people don't need to say they're good. Their consistency shows how kind they are. So, if someone says this phrase casually, be wary. They could be someone who secretly lacks moral integrity.
4. 'They started it'
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If this sounds to you like two little kids squabbling, you're right on track. Except that it's normal for kids and seriously problematic for grown adults.
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter who started it. Whether it was them or the other person, the results are still the same. People got hurt, and both parties acted immaturely. But those who secretly lack any sort of moral integrity can't see the big picture, so they will just push and defend until their behavior deteriorates and they won't care who ends up hurt.
And that's what's at the core of a lack of moral integrity, isn't it? They just don't care who gets hurt.
5. 'I didn't have a choice'
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As much as we'd love a magic wand that grants our deepest desires, real life doesn't go our way. In fact, we can control a lot less than we'd like to imagine.
While we can't always control the outcome, there are people who say, "I didn't have a choice" in a way that seriously undermines their moral integrity. Usually, when they've hurt someone, disappointed them or let them down and they really did have a choice. It was just not a choice that benefitted themselves.
Though they may be rare, there are times when folks can control outcomes, and it's when they make decisions.
And even if they can't, people with integrity know it's better to apologize for hurting others, even when the didn't intend to. Not only can it heal relationships, but it can also soothe hurt feelings and bring people closer.
6. 'At least I admitted it'
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Sorry, but admitting to lying is the bare minimum. While it's a good moral action to take (or at least better than continuing to lie), if people want a cookie for taking it, they're probably lacking in integrity. As much as they'd try to convince you otherwise, admitting that they lied doesn't mean they get a pass.
Commonly viewed as a form of deflection, this phrase shifts the focus away from the lie and highlights their emotions. This means that, rather than taking accountability, immoral people use this as an excuse to get away with their poor behavior.
7. 'I never said I was perfect'
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Yes, nobody in life is perfect. This is a statement that is so obvious, it probably shouldn't come up with you're being called in or held accountable.
Yes, there are times when even the most moral people mess up. Saying the wrong words or indirectly hurting others through their actions, moral people apologize, while immoral people say, "I never said I was perfect!" defensively.
Everybody knows they're human beings and make mistakes. But rather than taking accountability, they deflect instead. This is because they view it as a sign of weakness. Becoming overly defensive to protect their ego, they'd rather see their relationships burn to the ground than stand on business.
8. 'I'm just trying to protect myself'
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There's nothing wrong with people wanting to protect themselves. In a cutthroat world, quickly identifying red flags is the best way for folks to keep themselves safe, especially in relationships. People who lack integrity, however, use this as a way to justify being selfish.
There's a difference between protecting and punishing others. Immoral people blur that line by using their past experiences against you or, at least, as a shield against you. Creating the sob story of the century, be wary of people who justify their bad behavior.
9. 'I wouldn't have done it if they hadn't pushed me to!'
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Ask any adult, and they'll tell you there's at least one person who pushes their buttons. Bad coworkers will have you counting from ten while relationships push you to the breaking point. But just because people test you doesn't mean you're magically no longer in control of your actions.
While people who are hiding a lack of integrity try to convince you otherwise, only those who lack integrity say, "I only said that because they pushed me."
Nobody told them to cuss that person out or make that bad choice. It was due to their lack of discipline, and their lack of integrity is what's directing them to blame someone else.
No matter how they spin it, we're in control of our own actions. This is why it's a warning sign of serious lack of moral integrity when someone utters this phrase. If they can't take accountability now, they won't do it regardless of what happens.
10. 'I don't mean to be harsh, but...'
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Nobody with moral integrity says, "I don't mean to be harsh, but..." Why? Because when you know you're going to be harsh, you think through whether or not it's necessary to say that that thing.
If it isn't helpful, they probably shouldn't say it. It doesn't matter how 'nice' they're trying to be. Unless someone can fix it in five minutes, their commentary isn't necessary.
If, however, it is necessary, a person with integrity will find a way to present uncomfortable truths kindly and with respect. They know that kind but direct messages are the easiest to hear, and since they're trying to be effective, not mean, they will say even challenging things in this manner to the best of their ability.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
