People Who Do These 9 Things Are Way Less Likely To Be Used By Others

Boundaries and self-esteem are essential in ensuring you are not allowing others to stomp all over you.

confident woman with slight smile Yuri_Arcurs / Canva Pro

We all desire genuine connections and relationships built on mutual respect and reciprocity. Yet, in the complex web of human interactions, some individuals find themselves consistently used or manipulated by others.

In an effort to help ensure those closest to you are genuine, self-help Instagram account, WE THE URBAN, shared advice on how to avoid being used by others.

People who do these 9 things are less likely to be used by others:

1. 'Believe red flags'

BetterUp defines “red flags” as warning signs that indicate unhealthy or manipulative behavior. This can include narcissism, aggression, and even abusive behavior. 


It can be difficult to see these during the initial honeymoon phase of any relationship.

two friends looking at a phone Jacob Lund / Canva Pro

According to HuffPost, we all desire trust and honesty in relationships, but when we're in the midst of deceit, it's often easier to turn our criticisms inward instead of placing the blame where it's deserved. 


Instead of clinging to a relationship that isn't beneficial, or worse, trying to change the other person or yourself, listen to your gut and set healthy boundaries. If those boundaries aren't met, it's time to move on.

RELATED: A Mom Tells Parents To 'Trust Your Gut' After Her Bad Feeling About Her Neighbor Turned Out To Be True

2. 'Don’t fall in love with potential'

People can give you a lot of reasons to think they would make a good partner when, in fact, it could just be empty promises. It is easy to fall for words that seem like promises, but without the actions to follow them up, those promises mean nothing.


Tell me about the last person you loved for their future not their present. How did that work out for you?

♬ original sound - Dr. Wendy Walsh

Worse than empty promises, however, is falling for what someone could be instead of who they are at that moment. It's a hard lesson to learn, especially for women, but you cannot change another person. They must change for themselves.


3. 'Trust patterns, not apologies'

This topic is similar to the last one as it has everything to do with setting your boundaries and not allowing yourself to fall for words over actions. People can say they will change something or never do something again, but if they continue doing those things, then the apologies and promises hold no meaning.

The expression, "Actions speak louder than words," holds more meaning than most people realize. Listen when people show you who they are.

4. Don't 'vent' to just anyone

It can be difficult to decide who is worth trusting with your big feelings and emotions, but it is important to choose wisely, or your impulsive moments could be used against you.

Some people may also just not be ready to hear what you have to say and could take it the wrong way and become upset with you for sharing. 


read a quote one time that said "be careful who you vent to, cause vents go in other rooms".corny maybe, but i felt that.

♬ original sound - Shannon 🫶🏽

There may also come a time when you feel incredibly close to somebody, but it could just be a false sense of intimacy due to a trauma bond through what you told them. This other person may not feel the same and could potentially become bothered by your overwhelming trust in them and tell your stories to others.

RELATED: 6 Types Of People You Should Always Be Wary Of Trusting

5. Know when to let things go

Not everything will always work in your favor and some things will be harder to recover from than others, but in the end, the only thing you can do is let it go and move on from what is not serving your best interests.


Forgiveness can be a hard pill to swallow, but it is integral to personal growth. Holding on to past hurts will only deny you the joy of moving on. Remember, however, that forgiveness does not mean you let someone who caused you harm back into your life. It just means you don't hold space for them in your mind and heart.

6. Remember their worth

It is something we all struggle with, whether it is in relationships, the workplace, or even in school. It is okay to have your moments where you don’t feel like you are good enough for a role you have been given; trust me, I’ve been there. However, the more you tear and tear at yourself and just keep telling yourself that you are not enough, the more it will impact your performance, and it may get to the point where you now are a poor fit because of the hole you’ve put yourself in.

Life coach, Johanna Schram addressed this in her blog and suggested a different way to remind yourself of your worth: keeping a journal. 

Journaling is a powerful and underutilized tool that costs nothing but your time.


7. They avoid anything that feels 'wrong'

With close friends and family, it can be hard to say no, even if you have an icky feeling about something they have asked you to do. Thankfully, your body has a special way of warning you not to do something.  You might get a stomach ache, or feel queasy, or even get a bad taste in your mouth about something you’ve been asked to do. These are all good signs that you feel wrong about what’s been asked of you, and you should not do it.

8. Trust their intuition

Intuitive feelings help guide decision-making throughout your life in the same way your body tells you when something isn't right. 


Your gut is an extremely important and complex organ for many reasons, one of them being that it has its own nervous system independent of the brain called the enteric nervous system. This system allows the gut to play an active role in regulating mental and physical processes. So when someone says “trust your gut,” you really should, because the nervous system in your gut is trying to help.

9. They never lower their standards

We hear all the time, “Oh, she’s dating up,” or “He dated down,” as it pertains to people's relationships and typically their significant other’s physical appearance. These comments are not only hurtful but are also incredibly untrue. The phrase “don’t date for looks” is extremely overused, but holds a lot of truth.  These people dating “up” or “down” may not see it that way and are perfectly content with where they are. This is because they adhered to their standards of what they wanted and didn’t stray to settle for anything less.

@yourroadtohealing We all have standards and choosing to lower our standards is a result of fear. Never accommodate who you are to please someone else. Yes, you can compromise if needed but your standards are aligned with your values ✨ #mentalhealthtiktoks #blacktherapistoftiktok #therapytiktok #therapytok #relationshiptips #advicetiktok ♬ original sound - Catherine McCord

Standards don't just pertain to romantic relationships, however. Friendships, acquaintances, and even employer-employee dynamics are influenced by the standards you set for yourself. You decide how others treat you based on these standards. 


Being used by others can be a disheartening and frustrating experience. 

Whether it's in personal relationships, friendships, or professional settings, feeling like you're being taken advantage of can have a profound impact on your self-esteem and trust in others. 

Recognizing when you're being used and learning to assert yourself in these situations is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and protecting your mental and emotional well-being.

RELATED: This Simple Test Reveals If Your Relationship Is Healthy

Madison Piering is a writer on YourTango's Entertainment and News team specializing in human interest and pop culture topics.