If You Notice These 7 Behaviors, You're Likely Dealing With A Type-A Control Freak
Classic signs of someone who needs to dominate every detail.
Brock Wegner | Unsplash We all have moments when we feel the urge to take charge or ensure things go according to plan. However, when these tendencies become too rigid and all-consuming, they can signal controlling, Type-A personality traits that may be causing more stress than success.
If you recognize some of these traits, remember that awareness is empowering. Many highly successful people exhibit control tendencies; the key is learning when these traits serve you and when they might be holding you back from deeper connections and inner peace.
If you notice these 7 behaviors, you're likely dealing with a Type-A control freak:
1. He's always jealous
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Many women oddly love a jealous man. "He cares so much that he gets angry when a man talks to me," they gush. A little jealousy in a relationship isn't necessarily bad; as a matter of fact, it can be attractive.
However, when a man is controlling, his jealousy triggers fits of rage. You may be walking down the street with your partner, and he picks a fight just because some guy glanced at you. Or worse, he takes it out on you and embarrasses you in public. This is not cute or indicative of a secure person; this is controlling behavior.
2. He tells you what to wear
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And what you should wear is a nun habit, apparently. Your man goes into your closet and picks out a loose-fitting, long-sleeved shirt and baggy jeans — in the middle of summer. There's a heat wave, and he still wants you to cover your arms, legs, midriff, booty, everything.
He just can't stand the thought of a man looking at his lady. Yes, he believes that your body is his. This is a huge red flag — telling women what to wear is a way to regulate and limit their expression. Research has found that some men might enforce these norms due to ingrained gender roles and a patriarchal mindset where they believe they have authority over women.
3. He demands you get a tattoo of him
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I would have to think twice about getting a tattoo, never mind inking a man's name onto my skin. However, some women are open to the idea of a tattoo, and many think it's romantic.
Regardless of how you feel about the tattoo, a controlling man won't give you a choice. He will demand that you tattoo "John" in cursive on your breast, so the world knows you belong to him.
4. He constantly checks your phone
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In today's world, many women share their email, iPhone, and social media passwords with their significant other. A controlling boyfriend will jailbreak your phone to check your Instagram DMs and stalk the profiles of the men who have "liked" your photos.
He constantly crosses the line and checks your text messages or chats without your knowledge or permission. He has no boundaries. A healthy relationship thrives on trust and respect for each other's autonomy.
One study argued that checking a partner's devices without consent or demanding access to personal information constitutes a violation of privacy and demonstrates a lack of trust.
5. He doesn't want you hanging out without him
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At first, you may think it's sweet that he wants to spend all his time with you, but often, a controlling man isolates the woman he dates. He will want you all to himself, and soon you won't have any friends or family to call your own.
When a man resists or flat-out forbids you from spending time with friends or even family without him, it's rarely about genuine concern. More often, it's about control.
By limiting your independence, he ensures that your world centers around him and him alone. What might start off sounding like, "I just miss when you're out without me," can quickly reveal itself as an attempt to cut you off from the people and activities that bring you joy.
6. He questions whether you love him
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A man who constantly questions your feelings is emotionally needy and insecure. Oftentimes, controlling men are actually very insecure. Be cautious when a man needs constant reassurance of your love.
A 2022 study explained that anxious attachment style is often rooted in inconsistent caregiving during childhood and can lead to a fear of abandonment and a constant need for validation in adult relationships.
While not all individuals who seek reassurance are controlling, some may use controlling behaviors to manage their anxiety and maintain a sense of security in the relationship.
7. He accuses you of cheating
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When a man accuses a woman of cheating, two things could be happening: he is actually cheating on you (therefore, projecting his guilt), or he is controlling. Either way, it's bad news.
By planting doubt and putting you on the defensive, he shifts the balance of power in the relationship. You end up constantly proving your loyalty and justifying innocent choices, which keeps you under his watch. These accusations are less about what you've done and more about his need to keep you off-balance and dependent on his approval.
You shouldn't have to constantly explain yourself, your associations, or your whereabouts. Break it off, and be wary when you do. Always have someone with you when ending a relationship with a controlling man. He will have trouble letting you go.
Sujeiry Gonzalez is a love coach, author, and on-air talent. She's also the author of Love Trips: A Collection of Relationship Stumbles and Dating RITE: Advice on Dating Woes from Your Go-to Chica.
