A Mom Reveals 'The Most Hurtful Thing' Her Therapist Ever Said To Her
Moms deserve so much more than what they get.
Vivek Kumar / Unsplash Being a mom is a balancing act. Moms keep track of their family schedule, ensuring everyone is fed, clothed, safe, and having fun.
More often than not, moms put their own needs on the back burner, as the demands of parenting are overwhelming.
One mom revealed the ‘most hurtful thing’ her therapist told her.
Lachauna Edwards, an attorney and a mom, shared words of wisdom her therapist imparted that made her realize she wasn’t taking care of herself.
“The most hurtful thing my therapist ever said to me was that my self-care was my responsibility,” she said. “Not my husband’s or anyone else around me.”
Knowing that we have to hold ourselves accountable for our happiness and fulfillment isn’t an easy concept to internalize, yet it’s entirely true: We are the drivers of our lives.
Edwards filmed herself moving about her kitchen as she cut the stems off a bouquet of flowers and filled a vase with water.
She explained the reason why her therapist’s words felt so hurtful: Because she realized that she was selling herself — and her children — a bad deal.
“The reason why this was so hurtful is because I realized that every time I was neglecting my own needs, I was teaching everyone in my life that it was okay to neglect them, too,” Edwards said.
If parents are models for their kids, it’s hugely important to show that their needs are worth tending to.
No one can pour from an empty cup, yet parents and moms especially often find themselves running on fumes fueled by little sleep, a mug of leftover coffee, and a handful of Goldfish crackers.
It might initially feel difficult or uncomfortable to put yourself first, but when moms care for themselves, they’re laying a foundation of wellness that allows them to care for their families, too.
Alina Ryabchenko / Unsplash
Moms deserve peace and quiet. They deserve happiness and a moment alone, even if it’s just to use the bathroom by themselves. But really, they deserve so much more than what they’re given, than what society tells them they’re allowed to have.
Edwards shared a Mother’s Day message from a lake, where she sat alone and extolled the importance of solo time.
“Today’s Mother’s Day, and I’m currently sitting at a lake by myself,” she said. “I’m the mom of three; my youngest are twin 3-year-olds, and my oldest is a 9-year-old. Life is very, very hectic. On top of that, I am growing my own sports and business law firm, and I still work a day job. Oh, and I have a husband.”
“On days like today, when I realize that I’m overstimulated, I’m starting to become very frustrated, I retreat, and I go sit out in nature,” she said.
Edwards took her therapist’s guidance seriously, building a self-care routine that she encourages other moms to get in on.
Eye for Ebony / Unsplash
In a separate post, she responded to a mom struggling with burnout, sharing an essential element of her time management strategy for busy moms.
“When you enter items in your planner, put in your self-care time,” Edwards said, which is an actionable way to hold yourself accountable for taking care of yourself.
“So, as you are writing out what you need to do, you’re actually putting out, ‘I’m gonna get my nails done this day,’ or ‘I’m gonna spend some time reading a book, I’m gonna take an hour to go for a walk.’ Whatever that may be, that is on your to-do list, as well,” she said.
“We are not negating self-care time,” she told other moms. “We do not do that. And we do not wait for people to give us a time to have our self-care. We put it in our calendars.”
Self-care doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive. It can be simple, like taking a walk for 20 minutes and taking deep, full breaths to recenter yourself. It can be listening to a song you love, stretching, or dancing around your living room — anything that sparks joy and peace.
Edwards shared an inexpensive self-care technique that she puts into play in her own life.
Her self-care hack for “the burnout mom on a budget” is to grab a coffee, sit outside, and journal.
It’s a low-key yet incredibly soothing way to nurture yourself: a little treat, fresh air, and internal reflection.
Edwards affirmed the value of moms having identities and interests beyond parenting, saying, “Motherhood is a blessing and a beautiful part of who we are, but finding balance and pursuing our passions beyond motherhood is so important for our mental health and well-being.”
Even when we shout from the rooftops about self-care, it’s not always easy to implement in a practical way.
Yet the more moms make themselves a priority, the better they’ll feel, and the more fully they’ll be able to show up in all aspects of their multifaceted lives.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture, and the entertainment industry in general.