Mentally & Emotionally Brilliant People Use 10 Phrases To Tell Someone They're Wrong
felicia varzari | Unsplash Even when you’re breaking hard news or confronting someone, there are ways to approach the conversation from a graceful and kind perspective.
There are certain phrases brilliant people use to politely tell someone they’re wrong that not only address the problem, but can also foster more positive conversations. Don’t underestimate the power of making someone feel heard, as research shows it’s the key to forming good social connections.
Brilliant people usually use these polite phrases when someone's wrong:
1. ‘I see where you’re coming from, but here's what I think’
Author and hostage negotiator Derek Gaunt argues that “tactical empathy” — the ability to understand where someone is coming from rather than strictly agreeing or disagreeing — is the key to navigating situations where you may feel the need to tell someone they’re wrong.
Instead of saying it bluntly and putting them on the defensive, consider leading with compassion and finding ways to empathize with them and consider alternative perspectives. The first part of this phrase ensures someone feels respected, while the second uses an “I” statement to refocus the conversation on new ideas. It’s not only collaborative, but it ensures everyone feels heard without judgement.
2. ‘I think you might be mistaken’
Feeling understood starts with conversations founded on honesty and respect. When we take away someone’s ability to speak their mind and respectfully argue with others, we take away their right to feel respected and appreciated — whether it’s in a personal relationship or at work.
Even when we’re working or navigating a high-pressure conflict, we’re typically conversing with someone we have some kind of relationship with. By using empathetic language and leading with compassion when you disagree, you can ensure you’re not sabotaging the health of your relationship simply to be right.
3. ‘This is how I understood it’
fizkes / Shutterstock
Directly disagreeing with someone’s ideas often causes defensiveness or hostility in conversations, especially in high-pressure situations. By changing small bits of your language and working toward a more collaborative environment, everyone can feel heard without the pressure of a strictly “black and white” argument. Consider this phrase or others like “I think there may be some confusion on my end” to offer space for further discussion that’s non-confrontational.
4. ‘Let’s find a time to chat more about this’
Especially during a fight, it can be difficult to address a larger misunderstanding without more time for open communication. By taking space and setting a time to return to the conversation, both people not only have time to address their own emotions but also find the confidence to rejoin when they’re ready.
Leadership coach Dean Crisp explains that empathy can go a long way toward easing tension in high-pressure conversations. Taking active space to let someone consider different POVs and address their emotions not only makes space for a more comfortable atmosphere, but provides grace when people usually need it most.
5. ‘Have you considered another perspective?’
It’s only human nature to feel drawn toward over-explaining; we want other people to give us space to feel understood, even when we’re not necessarily right. Experts from the University of Colorado Boulder agree that active listening is important when speaking with people who have different beliefs and perspectives. This phrase ensures they feel heard and comfortable, while also politely challenging a person’s understanding without seeming overly confrontational.
6. ‘I respect your opinion, but I disagree’
Even when you disagree with someone, that doesn’t take away your power to listen or empathize. Making someone feel embarrassed for being “wrong” or sharing an opposing viewpoint only creates a disconnect that sabotages healthy conflict resolution. Leadership coach David Burkus suggests starting with active listening, but integrating other tactics like challenging assumptions, rather than beliefs, to ensure you’re working towards a compromise.
7. ‘If you’re open to it, I’d love to share my viewpoint’
There are ways to disagree with someone without inherently criticizing them. Especially in long-term relationships, trying to maintain a level of control with an “I’m right, you’re wrong” mentality only shuts people down and discourages them from speaking their mind. Instead, open with a phrase like this that not only gives the person you’re talking to some autonomy over the direction of the conversation, but doesn’t negatively attack their viewpoint.
8. ‘This has been my experience’
Not everything is inherently black or white, meaning we’re all bringing our individual experiences to every conversation. If we approach every conversation looking for an avenue to tell someone they’re wrong, especially for simply sharing their experiences, we’re only sabotaging our connection with the other person. Instead, find ways to reflect on common ground and empathize with the power of shared experience by sharing your own truth.
9. ‘I think there’s a different approach that could help get better results’
Zoran Jesic / Shutterstock
Especially in a collaborative professional setting, finding ways to leverage compromise and teamwork can be empowering for everyone involved. By using language like “we” and “us” while working towards a solution or common goal, everyone feels valued in conversation. According to experts from Magellan Behavioral Health, make sure everyone you’re talking to feels appreciated before you start workshopping their ideas and challenging their arguments with thoughtful questions.
10. ‘Let’s find common ground’
Speaker and activist John Graham says that negotiation is often the key to productive conflict resolution; even if it’s difficult, commit to finding even a singular opinion or perspective that you agree upon. For example, “Clearly, we both agree that we want to end up here, rather than here, so let’s start from there.” Even using something like, “We both want this relationship to work, so what does that look like for each of us?” can be helpful.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
