Businessman Posts On LinkedIn To Confirm That Rumors He's A Stalker Are False — 'Women Are Obsessed With Me, Not The Other Way Around'
The post was highly inappropriate for a business setting. It was also wildly incriminating.
Africa images / Canva Pro | kovop / Shutterstock | Reddit Question: If a man you knew asked you where he should post on the internet to address his stalker rumors, what's the last place you'd suggest? Is it LinkedIn? Congratulations, you're normal!
A certain San Francisco-area businessman with stalker rumors swirling around him? Not so much.
Suffice it to say, if you thought LinkedIn might go back to normal any time soon, think again because this guy's viral LinkedIn post is unhinged on a level that all those before it can only dream of.
He posted on LinkedIn to say his stalker rumors are false with the most incriminating explanation possible.
Once upon a time, LinkedIn was the most boring place on the internet. It was a site where you posted your resume and scrolled a feed full of snooze-worthy business speak, the kind of stuff you might doze off to during a Zoom call. It was simple, utilitarian, a great place to network with recruiters and colleagues, and that was about it.
Now? It is the repository of arguably the most insane content on the entire internet, and that's really saying something. Personally, I didn't think anything would ever top the viral LinkedIn post about a guy's difficulties urinating, but this man's post blows that away by a mile.
According to his post, which seems to have been deleted but was reposted to the LinkedInLunatics subreddit, the man, named Eric, seems to have developed a reputation in the Bay Area for being a bit of a stalker, a reputation he says is totally unfounded. His reasons are every bit as unhinged as his posting to LinkedIn about this in the first place.
The man said he wasn't stalking a woman who works in a grocery store; his car simply broke down in front of it for weeks.
"I will never let people get away with accusing me of something I didn't do," Eric's post began. Which, fair enough! Not sure I'd ever post something pertaining to this on a site like LinkedIn, but whatever!
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"There's a rumor going around the Bay Area that I am a stalker," he then went on to say that this is impossible since "last year I was abstinent for twelve months straight."
See, I totally get this. It's exactly how my doctor keeps telling me I'm overweight in 2024, even though in 2014, I lost 50 pounds by going Paleo. Did I gain that weight back? Yes, but how is the past relevant to the present?!
Anyway, brace yourself because it gets far crazier than just misunderstanding how the space-time continuum works. The reason Eric spent weeks outside of a grocery store where a woman he was dating worked? Simple: It's because "my car broke down in front of [it], and I decided to live out of it for several weeks."
Makes sense to me! Geez, you can't even break down in your car outside someone's workplace and then say, "Well, guess I live here now" anymore without being accused of stalking! Everyone's so hyper-sensitive now because of woke!
He also claimed the stalker rumors were false because he is so good-looking and well-endowed that women stalk HIM.
LOLOLOLOLOL! Sure, buddy. Basically, anyone who dates men will tell you that we're already done here. Any man who actually says such things is a lying liar telling lies. But just for funsies, let's forge ahead anyway.
"The idea that I would care about pursuing someone who doesn't want me is laughable," Eric wrote. "I'm accustomed to women being obsessed with me, not the other way around." Why? "I'm [expletive] brilliant. I am undeniably handsome. I am unusually well endowed."
Brother, I hope you are talking about a university endowment or the National Endowment for the Arts or something because nobody who says that has ever been telling the truth!
But lest you doubt him, don't worry, ladies. He posted photos to prove how hot he is, including one where he is nearly naked. You can see part of his, uh, shrubbery, if you will! All posted on LinkedIn, the site where employers and clients go to suss out your qualifications for business.
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Anyway, suffice it to say this is the most incriminating defense anyone has ever uttered, and jokes aside, it paints a pretty unsettling picture of what all too many women go through nowadays when trying to date men.
A study by cybersecurity firm Kaspersky found that nearly 25% of online daters had experienced stalker behavior, including having their location tracked. So, while posting about it on LinkedIn might be bizarre, the incident itself is far from an anomaly.
In a sense, then, this man did women everywhere a favor by exposing himself as someone not to be trusted. That it will likely render him unhireable in the process is just the cost of doing non-business things on a business app. You hate to see it.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice, and human interest topics.