Man Confused By Mom’s Reaction To Learning Her Daughter Took Her First Steps While He Was Babysitting
She believes he stole that important milestone from her.
Olesia Bilkei | Shutterstock A man posted on Reddit for advice after babysitting for his friends' toddler landed him in hot water. The couple's little girl took her first steps at his urging, and now her mom is livid that he stole that milestone from her.
Parents obviously can't be there to see it all, but what made this particular incident egregious was the fact that he admitted to actively trying to get the little girl to take her first steps, and even recorded it, knowing that the parents had been encouraging her to do it. Milestones are important to parents. It's understandable why this mom is upset.
Obviously, this friend was not trying to steal an important moment from his friends, but at the same time, he probably should have just pretended the steps didn't happen. As many preschool and daycare workers mentioned in the comments, there's an unspoken rule among childcare providers that first milestones never actually happen unless a parent is present.
A man was confused by a mom's reaction to her daughter taking her first steps while he was babysitting.
The man explained that he’s been friends with the dad since kindergarten. “He got married some years ago,” he wrote, "and now him and his wife have a little baby girl and she's currently at toddler age." Being close friends with the couple, he's grown to care for their daughter, whom he affectionately referred to as "little bugger." In fact, she is the first baby in his life that he's known since infancy, which is why he explained, "it's been great seeing a little human grow."
All that is to say, he feels more like family than just a distant friend. It also explains why he overstepped without realizing it. Every once in a while, the couple will ask him to babysit, and that's when the first steps' incident occurred.
Tima Miroshnichenko | Pexels
He wrote, "So I was hanging out with her and I know that they've been trying to get her to take her first steps. I read about a trick where if you make them hold something then they will walk without holding onto a surface. So I gave her a toy and filmed it and it worked!"
The man sent the parents the video of the baby's first steps, and that's when the mom became angry.
What makes this incident so upsetting is that it's easy to see both sides. This lifelong friend was so excited to be part of the moment that he actively encouraged the little girl to walk, then proudly sent them a video. It's cute out of context. The mom, however, was actively waiting for the milestone and felt like it was robbed from her, and in some ways it was.
He wrote, "I sent the video to them and my friend didn't care, he was just happy but his wife was [angry]! She was mad at me that they weren't there for that big moment." He went on to say, "I don't have the type of relationship with her where I can have a deep 1 on 1 with her, but I talked to my friend about it, and he's not upset with me, but his wife still is. She thinks I robbed her of a key moment. I did get it on film but I get what she's saying."
What he could have and should have done instead was wait for mom and dad to get home and tell them, "Hey, I saw this cool parenting tip that might get her to take her first steps." But hindsight is always 20/20. As one wise commenter noted, "Note to everyone: if someone else's kid has a 'first' something in your care, they didn't. You take that information to your grave."
With good communication, this relationship can be repaired.
The mom is mad right now, and she has reason to be. But she will also, once she cools down, realize that he didn't have "malicious intent." That doesn't mean she doesn't deserve a heartfelt apology.
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Although he wrote that they don't have the type of friendship that allows for "deep 1 on 1" conversations, there's absolutely no reason why he can't sit both his best friend and wife down and talk it out. He needs to explain to her why he did what he did and that he realizes it was wrong.
"To preserve or re-establish connections with other people, you have to let go of concerns about right and wrong and try instead to understand the other person's experience," says Dr. Ronald Siegel, assistant professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School. Remember when he wrote, "I get what she's saying"? That's what Dr. Siegel is talking about. The mom's anger is rooted in hurt, and right or wrong is not important.
Licensed psychologist Kyler Shumway, PsyD. told WonderMind, "A meaningful apology comes from caring about the other person and wanting to repair the relationship." He added, "It’s about intention. What matters most is showing the other person you’re willing to take responsibility and repair the relationship."
Did this guy mess up? He sure did. Is his friendship doomed? No. The mom is mad right now, and she has reason to be. But she will eventually see the incident for what it was, an error in judgment. As long as he is open and honest with her, and truly sorry for having hurt her, there's absolutely no reason for the drama to continue. Now, if he makes the same mistake when it comes to her first word ... all bets are off.
Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.
