Male Coach Wonders What To Do After Being Invited To A Pool Party For The Girl's Sports Team — 'I Don't Understand How The Parents Don't Think It's Weird'
While it was a kind gesture, the man worries it is not an appropriate setting.
SpeedKingz / Shutterstock A school sports coach is seeking advice after being invited to a pool party by his team, all of whom are young female students. While he believes that the get-together is inappropriate and uncomfortable, the teachers and parents do not see the issue.
Now, he is wondering how he should politely decline the invitation without making it into a big deal. Is he making a mountain out of a molehill, or is he right to feel uncomfortable about attending?
A sports coach asked how he should get out of a pool party hosted by his female students.
Sharing his predicament to the subreddit r/Teachers, the coach admitted that he found it bizarre that none of the parents or teachers believed that extending the invite to him would be inappropriate. However, he feared that sharing his concerns would land him in further trouble.
He wrote, “My main problem is I feel even saying that it may be inappropriate for me to come to the party would make the parents think, 'Why is it inappropriate?’ Which then makes me look like I have a perverted mind.” He explained that last year’s get-together was not an issue, given that the team invited him bowling and no one was in a bathing suit.
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He noted, “They're super nice people, but they should know in today's age how this would be inappropriate.” The coach also feared that if he attended the pool party, word would spread among other school parents who might complain, putting his job at risk. He asked others what the best approach to the situation would be.
Most people agreed with the man that it would be inappropriate to attend the pool party and offered him advice on how he could politely refuse the invitation.
“I am a male and I coached 7th and 8th grade girls' volleyball for 7 years. I would thank them for the offer and kindly decline. You don't need to give a reason,” one Redditor suggested. “Just apologize and refuse. Don't ever offer any explanation why. Change the topic. Adults aren't stupid. We understand and will follow suit,” another wrote.
“I’m a male coach of a high school girls team. I got invited to a grad party last year that was a pool party. I dressed in regular clothes, didn’t bring a bathing suit, and got there right when it started when no one was in the pool let alone in bathing suits yet. Stayed for about an hour and a half. Had a great time and left,” another user shared.
While no one would argue that the coach's presence is no different than if he were at a public pool or at a beach, but it's important to remember that even though he is not technically working during the party, he is still there in a professional capacity. That means he needs to put his coach hat on and keep his workplace boundaries in place.
Kevin Chapman, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and founder of The Kentucky Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders, told True Sport, “Oftentimes, we have unrealistic expectations for coaches, because in many ways, people expect coaches to parent their kids. But coaches aren’t responsible for that. Coaches are responsible for enhancing the development of the student athlete by teaching them discipline, camaraderie, teamwork, and communication, which are those skills that they won’t learn necessarily in other settings. And that’s why being an athlete is so incredibly rewarding: If you have the right coaches, you learn those things.”
None of those expectations for coaches include attending a pool party that makes their relationship seem more familiar than it should.
Ultimately, the coach needs to do what makes him feel comfortable in this situation.
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While extending the invitation to the coach was a kind gesture, a pool party is not exactly the right setting, at least not for this coach. He needs to do what he feels is right for him as a professional coach and as a man.
If his team wants to thank him for a great season, it would be better to organize a casual team dinner where his boundaries and comfort would not be in jeopardy.
As the adult in the situation, it is a good thing that the coach recognized the bizarre nature of the setting for a team gathering. Not only does he have integrity that makes him a good person, but it most likely makes him one great coach that his team — and their parents — can trust.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
