7 Little Rules For Mapping Out A Good Life I Wish I Had Learned Sooner
Simple rules that make life feel a whole lot more meaningful.
J Balla Photography | Unsplash Life doesn't come with a manual, but it does leave breadcrumbs. Over time, certain patterns emerge that, when followed, seem to make everything flow a little easier.
These are not absolute truths, but more like gentle suggestions for anyone looking to chart a course toward a life that feels both meaningful and manageable. Some may resonate immediately, while others might make sense only in hindsight.
Here are 7 little rules for mapping out a good life I wish I had learned sooner:
1. Make your move
It’s time for you to be strong. It’s time to do something about it. Figure out that thing that is getting at you. There are likely many things, but there is that one thing that gnaws at you more aggressively than the rest.
It is something with which you are not happy. You already have an inkling of the solution. You’re likely avoiding it out of fear — fear of being rejected, or looking stupid, or re-opening those wounds.
2. Only you know what's vital for you and your well-being
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You know that by addressing whatever needs addressing in life, your life will turn from the greyscale that it is to the technicolor you know it could be.
You might be terrible at going out and promoting your work or networking because you fear rejection. You fear the discomfort and the anxiety. You fear being revealed as a fraud.
Layers of excuses fall between making the change you need, and you doing something about it. Often, the fact that you “don’t have the time” bubbles up as the excuse to end all excuses.
3. When you say, 'I don’t have the time,' it’s rarely about the time
When you say you don't have time for something, what you're really saying is, "This is not a priority for me right now."
The 'no time' excuse is seductive because it sounds reasonable and removes personal responsibility. Research has found that it's socially acceptable to be busy, even admirable in our culture, which is why so many people lean on that excuse rather than just admitting the truth: 'This isn't my main focus right now.'
4. Fear should never have the last word
You have the power to turn fear into the greatest opportunity of your life. What is that thing you need to address? You might need to meditate on it for a while. Spend some time writing out what it could be, until it’s clear to you. Usually, it is, because you can’t shake it off.
Fear rarely disappears. Instead, you must learn to act despite it. A 2018 study explained that the goal isn't to become fearless, but to develop a different relationship with fear, one where you listen to its message without letting it drive the car.
5. Accept when you need to make a change
We all have something we need to change. Put it into precise words. The 'something' could be anything.
Maybe a relationship that's draining your energy, a job that's slowly crushing your spirit, a habit that's sabotaging your health, or a pattern of thinking that keeps you stuck. Whatever it is, one study suggested, it likely whispers to you in quiet moments, creating a low-level discomfort you've learned to live with.
6. Take the first step
Imagine yourself as your own life coach. Someone you mentor just told you they had this same problem. Your task is to come up with the first, small step they need to make to tackle that problem.
What is that step? You might need to crank out a list of ideas. If they needed to network with more people at events to land more clients, but they are scared of talking to new people, what would be the first step? You might tell them to go to an event and talk to people, despite the fear.
What would that step look like if it were a little smaller, easier? Go and talk to a stranger at the mall, in the supermarket, or at a conference. Just one person. What would an even smaller step look like? Say a quick hello to someone in the street, or behind the counter at Starbucks.
Even smaller? Make eye contact with someone in the street and hold it until the other person looks away. Smile at someone when you walk past them. Write them an email.
Figure out which step you could take, which would be a push; a little out of your comfort zone; a stretch — something you could do without having heart palpitations. Maybe that starts with the absolute tiniest step on your list. There’s nothing wrong with that. You have to start somewhere. Now you are your own coach.
7. Make an agreement with yourself
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Mark that thing down as a big X on your calendar. No matter how small. At the end of ten days, you become an expert at that one small thing. Perhaps, if you’re not entirely comfortable with it yet, you need to do another ten.
But if you feel better about it, you can move to the next phase. What’s the next tiny step up? Do that thing at least once for the next ten days.
Eventually, you are at the conference, and you are having a conversation with a real, live person. This is how you build momentum. This is a process. You can apply this to many of your holdups.
It will take time. There may be fallbacks, but you will feel colour returning with each small step. Because you are dealing with your most challenging issue at any given time, you’re actually making a huge difference.
The journey begins. Start today. What I wish I had understood earlier is that starting is exponentially harder than continuing. Research has concluded that the mental weight of beginning something important can feel crushing because we imagine we need to tackle the entire journey at once.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.
