'The Energy Of The Outside World Drains Me' — Introvert Refuses To Let Family & Friends In Her Home When They Visit
It's her home, so she has a right to do what makes her comfortable.
Đan Thy Nguyễn Mai | Pexels “Safe space” has basically become a buzzword (buzzphrase?) in today’s culture, and for good reason. Everyone needs places where they can feel completely comfortable to be themselves. It would make sense, then, that everyone’s ultimate safe space should be their homes.
Of course, this isn’t the case for everyone. Some people can’t possibly feel safe in their homes because of their individual circumstances. Others are desperately trying to make their home a safe space despite the people in their lives not understanding their actions. That’s the situation one introverted woman found herself in.
An introvert asked if she was wrong to not let family and friends come into her house.
A woman wrote into 'Dear Abby' to share her conundrum. Michigan Live shared the reader’s submission along with Abby’s response as part of their “Best of Dear Abby” series. The woman, who went by the moniker “Introvert in Tennessee,” explained that she had good reason to want to keep her family and friends out.
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“My home is my safe haven,” she said. “The energy of the outside world drains me, and I don’t want that feeling inside my home. This includes family members, friends, neighbors, church family, and anyone else who might come knocking on my door.”
Aside from just being an introvert, she has some additional reasons to want to keep her home private. “I have anxiety and some unresolved trauma I’m working through that contributes to this,” she continued. “I’m happy to meet in a public place or visit someone in their home if we are both comfortable with it.”
Of course, her family can’t wrap their heads around why she would make a request like this. She concluded, “My family cannot understand why I’m like this. They think they have a right to my space simply because they are family. I don’t mind anyone thinking I’m weird, but how do I respond without feeling like I have to explain myself?”
No one should feel pressured to invite anyone into their home.
Abby, also known as Abigail Van Buren, has been doling out advice for years. The column was founded by Pauline Phillips and now continues with her daughter, Jeanne Phillips, at the helm. She felt like this introvert already knew what she needed to tell her family and friends when they wanted to visit.
“Do not allow anyone to make you feel defensive,” she insisted. “If you want to get your point across, simply repeat what you told me. It is succinct, it conveys your feelings, and your feelings should be respected.”
Abby was right. This woman doesn’t owe anyone an explanation, and she has every right to enforce what she’s comfortable with in her own home. If that means not letting anyone in, then so be it.
It’s easy for introverts to experience the kind of social exhaustion this woman described.
If you’re naturally extroverted, this woman’s dilemma may sound far-fetched to you. How could she not want to have her own family and friends in her house? But what she said about the outside world draining her is something all introverts can relate to.
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Health and wellness writer Geraldine Orentas explained that this is what’s called social exhaustion. “Social fatigue or social burnout happens when you’ve socialized to the point that you can’t do it anymore,” she said. “Social exhaustion can also be called introvert burnout or introvert hangover … You might feel physically tired, stressed, angry, or irritable. Social exhaustion can feel like hitting a wall.”
According to Orentas, social exhaustion isn’t unique to introverts. Extroverts can actually experience it too. Some people may think it’s rude not to let your family and friends into your house, but that’s the thing — it’s your house. You get to make the rules there. If this woman doesn’t want visitors, she has every right to refuse them.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
