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We can choose to be better.
By Unwritten — Written on Apr 08, 2023
By Bethany Casey
As a writer, once you’ve said something, it’s usually pretty permanent. It’s there for you and the world to see for years to come.
I’m a very vocal person when it comes to a lot of issues facing the world. I will protest and petition for humans and animals all over the world. I will be an ally to anyone who needs one. But I didn’t always hold those beliefs.
When reading over some old articles or social media posts I’ve written on various platforms, I cringe. There are things I’ve written that would make me so angry if I saw somebody else say that anywhere, especially on such a public platform.
There’s obviously nothing hateful or abusive, but these small seeds of ignorance could easily have turned into it.
When looking back at the things I used to believe, even the smallest of things, I hate seeing the way I must have inadvertently treated people or made them feel without even realizing it.
But the thing is, it also makes me happy because I can see that I’ve changed for the better. I can track my progress as a human being who is learning empathy and tolerance for other humans.
I used to make comments about women wearing revealing clothes. I used to believe that if I dressed a certain way, I should just expect that people would be overtly sexual toward me or assume things about me. Then I found my own empowerment and comfort in my body.
I was wrong about that.
I used to make comments about women who were skinnier and prettier than me. I used to believe that women should be soft and curvy, and that was what made a beautiful woman.
Why did I think that? I was more attracted to bigger women and am one myself. Did that mean I was right? Nope. Was I projecting my own insecurities onto others to make myself feel better? Yep.
I was wrong about that.
I used to shame people for enjoying sex and act like it was an embarrassing thing to talk about. I thought women who slept around were terrible people. And why? Because I hadn’t owned my own sexuality yet.
I was wrong about that.
Now, there were a lot of things I didn’t know when I was a teenager. And I’m sure there’s still a lot I don’t know now in my mid-twenties. But rather than shying away from the outdated and ignorant beliefs I’ve held in the past, I remember them.
I could blame lots of things for my ignorance as a young girl. I was brought up in an area that was xenophobic, sexist, classist, and a terrible influence on young minds. And yes, that might be a reason I learned those behaviors. But it’s not an excuse to continue them.
Because we are in charge of our own actions.
Because we can choose to be better.
Because being wrong isn’t always a bad thing.
Being wrong lets you learn and grow as a person, and encourages other people to reflect on their own stereotypes and prejudices. It makes me a better person and gives me faith that just because people are ignorant and hateful now, that doesn’t mean they can’t learn.
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Bethany Casey is a writer and contributor to Unwritten whose work has appeared in the Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, and more.
This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.