How To Use The 'Interaction Appearance Theory' To Be More Attractive To Others

You can appear more attractive by using one psychological theory to your advantage.

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We’ve all been there: crushing on someone that you think is totally out of our league. But, believe it or not, getting to know someone might change how attracted they are to you.

According to the Interaction Appearance Theory, there’s still hope that you can snag the total 10 you’ve been swooning over, even if you don't think you have a chance. It turns out that looks aren’t everything — your personality counts a lot more than you think.


What is the Interaction Appearance Theory, and how does it change how others see you?

The Interaction Appearance Theory claims that there are several communication behaviors you can adapt to make someone view you as more attractive. The theory is specific to how people perceive the physical appearance of others in social interactions.

Essentially, the Interaction Appearance Theory says that people's evaluations of attractiveness are influenced by the dynamic interaction between their own appearance and the appearance of the individuals they interact with.

In other words, if you meet someone and their first impression of you is that you are a six or a seven, you can change your behavior to make them perceive you as a 10.


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The Interaction Appearance Theory means that by spending more time around a person, you'll become more attractive to them by default.

Think of it this way: If you met someone that was flawlessly beautiful but they were mean and nasty to everyone around them, you’d eventually find them less attractive.


But it works both ways. Certain communication behaviors work best to make you irresistible.

First, you should be aware that negative behaviors will have the opposite effect and make you less attractive to others, too. Try to avoid being too critical or negative; no one likes a Debbie Downer. It’s also in your best interest to be less dominating toward them, allow them to lead the conversation, and ask questions that show you’re interested.

You may have to give up some of your bad habits if you want to come off as more attractive. For example, smoking, poor grammar, and constant cursing are major turn-offs for most.

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Here are 6 ways to use the Interaction Appearance Theory to be more attractive to others:

1. Laugh at their jokes.

There's nothing more embarrassing than telling someone a joke and not even getting a pity laugh in return. If their joke falls flat, they probably won’t be looking forward to seeing you again and feeling unfunny.

Laughing at their attempts at humor will help them relax and ultimately make them like you more.

2. Be an active listener.

When you’re engaging in conversation with this person, ask questions that show you're paying attention. Be supportive of their aspirations and make them feel accepted so that they'll think of you as someone they can confide in without judgment.

This will win you serious personality points and help you get to know them better.


3. Compliment them.

This one might seem like a no-brainer, but if you like someone, give them compliments. Everyone wants to spend more time with people who make them feel good about themselves.

Eventually, they'll notice that they always feel more confident in your presence and will want to spend more time together.

4. Showcase common interests.

If you don’t have the same interests, don’t fake it. Pretending to be interested in things just because the other person is will only lead to trouble. However, if you genuinely like the same things, tell them!

People are more likely to date someone that enjoys the same hobbies. If you do score a date with them, you’ll have plenty of options for what to do and talk about since you both engage in the same activities.


5. Make them feel smart.

Expressing how impressed you are with their knowledge on certain topics will give them confidence and make them enjoy talking to you more. You can even ask them questions about something you’re sure they know a lot about to make them feel smart.

This will demonstrate an interest in things they care a lot about and make them feel good about themselves. Asking them about topics they're knowledgeable about will also demonstrate that you were paying attention in previous conversations.

6. Smile.

Last but not least, smile!


While smiling might not seem like it would make or break someone liking you or not, it really can. Nonverbal communication is equally, if not more, important than verbal communication. If you look unapproachable, people will think you’re unapproachable.

Smile and show off that you are a positive person who's enjoying life. People are drawn to positive energy and will love to surround themselves with your happy demeanor.

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Lindsey Matthews is a writer, model, student, personal trainer, former YourTango contributor, and current Digital Media Associate for MERGE. Her work often focuses on relationships, pop culture, family, and trending news topics.