Photo: While you should always be yourself when you try to make friends, it pays to understand how others see you when you're "on;" and try to replicate that persona.
The ingredients you need in order to attract the type of friends who make life sweeter.
By Larry Michel — Written on May 31, 2023
People who attract positive, energizing people often carry themselves in a way that's different from others. These qualities can be hard to isolate and explain, so they may feel "magical" or like something you have to be born with, but they aren't, necessarily.
The truth is, what you give off is what you will attract. If you want to attract people that make life sweeter, you need to start by looking at yourself.
For example, if you carry yourself in an authentic way but have not yet embraced complete radical honesty — if you are willing to be seen, but not fully, and your friend is in the same place — then you’re a good match. If one of you wishes to open more, it may be you that helps your friend to go there as well.
However, if you are not ready when they are, the quality of friendship will likely be dictated by this limitation.
This is not something to be judged — but just noticed. If you desire more and the other is not there, then there will be a departure from close intimacy. This does not need to stop you from caring deeply for another.
There is indeed a wonderful carrot at the top of the pyramid of intimacy where the best partnerships romp and play. I call this pinnacle of connectivity "Courageous Intimacy".
Here you are fully authentic, transparent, radically honest, vulnerable, kind, positive, overwhelmed with gratitude, and know and appreciate your boundaries yet live in excitement at the potential to go deeper and expand more. When at a place where many would be scared stiff, you’re courageous and know that the most exciting growth is close at hand.
You know you’re there because it is here where co-creation, serendipity, and bliss are continually lighting up your life and infectiously the lives of all those nearby. The key is to be able to recognize the traits that engender the ability to make (and be) a good friend — and act accordingly.
Here are 10 traits you can learn & cultivate that will attract positive people
1. Authenticity
They are authentic and true to themselves. They embrace their quirks, strengths, and weaknesses, and don't pretend to be someone they're not. This is not a gauge of how much personality they demonstrate, but how congruent their words and actions are. They are radically honest and this genuine approach to life attracts people who appreciate and value them for who they are.
2. A positive attitude
Their glass is never half empty, it would always be half full. They maintain a positive outlook on life and radiate positivity, and they focus on the good in situations and people, which naturally draws others towards them.
Their positivity is truly contagious, and it helps create an uplifting and supportive environment.
3. A discipline of inquiry
They approach life with raw and non-judgmental curiosity. They actively listen to others, showing genuine interest and empathy. They give their full attention, ask thoughtful questions, and make others feel heard and understood. This fosters deeper connections and allows friendships and relationships to flourish.
4. Kindness and empathy
They are kind-hearted and empathetic towards others. They genuinely care about people's well-being and go out of their way to support and help others. They know that people only do the best they can with the emotional and physical resources they have at any given point in time. Therefore, they are rarely quick to conclude and look to understand before being understood.
Their kindness and empathy create a nurturing and compassionate environment that attracts like-minded individuals.
5. Boundaries
They establish healthy boundaries and respect the boundaries of others. They understand the importance of self-care and communicate their needs effectively. By setting boundaries, they create a sense of safety and mutual respect in their relationships. Yet the boundaries are not carved in stone. They are created to honor themselves and others yet open to expansion should a pressed boundary reveal an expanded way of being.
6. Open-mindedness
Like expansive boundaries, they approach people and situations with an open mind. They are receptive to different perspectives and ideas, which allows them to connect with a diverse range of individuals. This openness fosters a sense of acceptance and encourages deeper connections.
7. Authentic connections
They prioritize quality over quantity when it comes to friendships and relationships. Rather than seeking superficial connections, they invest time and energy in building genuine and meaningful relationships. They value quality intimacy with depth and connection over popularity.
8. A commitment to self-improvement
They actively work on personal growth and self-improvement. They strive to become the best version of themselves, constantly learning and evolving. They are present to the fact that when they or someone is upset the circumstance is presenting an opportunity for growth. This mindset attracts others who share a similar commitment to growth.
9. Gratitude
They practice gratitude with true embodiment and appreciate the people in their lives. They express their gratitude and make others feel valued and cherished. This gratitude is not just talk, it is practiced and felt fully and cultivates a positive and nurturing environment that attracts and strengthens relationships.
10. Vulnerability
They are willing to be vulnerable and share their authentic selves with others. They express their emotions and share their experiences, creating a safe space for others to do the same. This vulnerability deepens connections and fosters intimacy.
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Larry Michel is the Founder of the Institute of Genetic Energetics and a Relationship Restoration Counselor, helping individuals, couples, and companies discover the deepest influences that drive their relationships to flourish.