Someone Who's Going Through A Very Hard Time But Isn't Telling Anyone Usually Has 9 Habits That Say It All
Emanuel Pedro | Pexels Even though seeking support can help a struggling person's well-being, it can feel impossible to be honest and ask for help.
We'd like to think that the people in our lives feel safe enough to ask for support, but it's up to us to notice the habits that reveal if they're going through a very hard time but aren't telling anyone. Tthe obligation isn't entirely on us to fix what they're feeling, but sometimes we have to notice the red flags to be able to help.
Habits that reveal someone's going through a hard time but isn't telling anyone
1. They usually cancel plans last-minute
MART PRODUCTION | Pexels
Many people suffering with their mental health will make plans and try to surround themselves with community when they're feeling good. But they end up canceling and self-isolating when those commitments actually roll around and they're back to their normal mindset.
It's unfortunate considering how powerful social support is when we're struggling, but it's often an avoidant behavior they're forced into when they're ignoring healing from whatever they're going through.
2. They get angry at small things
When someone is constantly trying to hide their inner turmoil and distracting themselves from addressing it, everything they avoid doesn't simply fizzle away. That's part of why suppressing feelings is so harmful to our well-being, because it creates stress that's hard to unpack.
These feelings also tend to bubble up in unexpected ways. When someone gets angry or has an outburst after a minor inconvenience, it's usually a sign of something deeper.
They're not actually mad at someone for misunderstanding them. They're trying to express and process everything else they've shoved down.
3. They start ignoring basic routines
Depression can often affect hygiene habits, especially as someone continues to feel more emotionally detached and exhausted in their daily lives. It's somewhat overlooked, but even basic tasks like washing their clothes or brushing their hair can feel impossible.
All their effort seems to be tied up somewhere else, and they just seem off. Even if they're not directly sharing what's going on in their lives, these small, chaotic signs are red flags that they're not taking care of themselves.
4. They over-apologize for everything
When depression or anxiety quickly alter someone's self-esteem and sense of self, it's not uncommon to notice them speaking negatively about themselves or feeling hopeless. It might feel like momentary relief to over-apologize to others, but this avoidance and self-criticism only creates more stress.
It's easier for them to over-apologize than it is to speak their mind or uphold their boundaries, especially when they don't have a lot of extra emotional energy to offer. It's a way for them to feel somewhat in control, even if they feel powerless when it comes to dealing with their emotional turmoil.
5. They always seem panicked
Roberto Hund | Pexels
If someone's typical disposition is replaced by a chronic feeling of panic or sadness, it could be a sign that they're going through something in private. Yes, it might be the hardest for the average person to point out, but if you're close with someone, you may notice immediately when they aren't feeling like themselves.
If this persists over time, it could be a warning sign that they're going through a tough time but they don't know how to share or verbalize it.
6. They're constantly tired
Emotional fatigue tends to manifest in unexpected, sometimes seemingly harmless ways. Because exhaustion affects cognitive abilities, it's not uncommon for someone going through a hard time to struggle with memory and focus.
They're always a step behind everyone else in conversations, zoning out and unable to focus. While it can seem harmless, their tiredness might stem from something far more destructive.
"I'm just tired" or "I have a lot going on" might also be excuses that someone uses to explain mental health symptoms they're not ready to speak about yet.
7. They start behaving recklessly
Many people with depression or mental health disorders tend to be more impulsive. People suffering in silence may start acting recklessly at their own expense to feel something when numbness creeps in or as a distraction from their emotions.
They're clearly trying to avoid something bigger by leaning on things that aren't always great for them in the long run. It might be overspending on things they don't need or indulging in unhealthy relationships.
8. They dismiss their struggles
When someone does point out a clear symptom or tries to open up a vulnerable conversation, people who are hiding that they're going through a rough patch will often rely on dismissive phrases to avoid speaking on their emotions. Sometimes, it can feel easier to avoid them completely and use excuses than to get vulnerable when they already feel like they're operating on empty.
"I'll be fine" or "I'm just tired today" are common excuses, but they can also be warning signs if someone's having a hard time. If they seem to come up often and nothing is changing, there's a chance there's something deeper influencing their behavior.
9. They use self-deprecating humor
Guillermo Berlin | Pexels
While it can sometimes be harmless, jokes that come at someone's expense and foster self-criticism are often a sign that someone's struggling with emotional regulation. Masking with humor can feel like the easiest way to express themselves when vulnerability feels too revealing and taxing.
Yes, it's not always an immediate red flag, but it's certainly not helping someone who's struggling without the ability to ask for support.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
