6 "Good" Behaviors That Make People Instantly Dislike You
What people think of you is feedback. Pay attention to it.
Gladskikh Tatiana/ Shutterstock When people tell you that you should not care what others think about you, it’s pure crap.
Because you should. I’m not saying that you should care what people will think about every little decision you make. But you should care about the overall opinion people have of you. Because if everyone thinks you’re a jerk, you probably are.
In either case, it’s just feedback. If several people dislike you for some particular behavior, it’s only smart that you try to change it.
Here are 6 "good" behaviors that make people dislike you that you need to stop:
1. Trying to be too funny
Who doesn’t like to laugh? And who doesn’t like the funny guy?
We believe that humor is a likable trait that we have, and therefore, we always try and even succeed to be funny. However, there are times when humor is not appreciated.
At times, people want to have deep and serious conversations. But there’s always that one guy who’ll dominate even such conversations by trying to be funny. Trust me, this can be a huge turn-off.
There’s a time to be funny, and there’s a time to be serious — you should know the difference.
2. Trying to 'win' while talking
We, humans, have this ridiculous urge to try to win while talking. And trust me, subconsciously, we even try to win in some truly stupid ways.
For example, someone might tell his coworkers, "Guys, I saw this accident on the highway this week." And then he might describe it. But then someone will butt in and say, "Dude, that’s nothing. I saw an even 'bigger' accident last Tuesday."
We’re storytellers. But each one of us also has an ego. So when someone tells you a story, your natural urge is to come up with a better story in the same genre. And then you tell it and make their story look lesser than yours.
It’s a huge turn-off. If someone’s telling a story, and you have a better one, train yourself to shut the f*** up. Listen. Let them have the spotlight. You can tell your story another time.
3. Hijacking people’s decision-making
You can try to influence people’s behaviors in two ways —
- Macro Managing: You can inspire them to change the way they live their life. For instance, a father might tell his son about the importance of studying well.
- Micromanaging: You order people to do something in real-time. For instance, a father tells his son to stop playing video games and sit down to study "right now."
Inspiration is good. But micromanaging is irritating as f***. People will hate you if you do it. Because when you try to inspire someone, you’re trying to teach them how to make better decisions but they still retain the power to make decisions. But when you micro-manage, you’re hijacking their right to make their own decisions. And no one likes that.
So if you want your alcoholic friend to quit drinking, don’t start lecturing him when he has a glass of scotch in his hand. He’ll hate you. And it’ll be even more difficult to influence his behavior. At that moment, let him enjoy the drink. Join him if you want to. And later, when the moment is right, try to inspire him to quit.
4. Freeboarding
There’s always this one person who tries to get you to do their chores when you’re going to do the same chore. They’re like,
- "Oh, are you going to make some copies? Will you please make some for me as well?" And they’ll hand you the papers without even waiting for you to say yes.
- "Oh, are you going to the hardware store? Will you please get me some coffee from the shop next door?"
It’s okay if done once in a while. That’s genuine and harmless. But I’ve seen people do this often. It’s like they’re waiting for these opportunities to hand over their chores.
And it’s rude as well. Because it makes it really difficult for the person in question to say no as well. And if they say no, they seem rude. When in fact, the person doing this free-boarding is rude. If that’s you, stop.
5. Asking ridiculous favors without giving an out
The audacity some people have blows me away. They ask for ridiculous favors from other people very often without even giving them an out. And this reeks of cunning.
Saying no is difficult because people don’t like to appear unhelpful. They don’t want to disappoint others. Some people bet on this. They know that saying no is difficult and hence, they ask for favors knowing full well that the person in front is more likely to give in.
Here are some rules you should follow while asking for favors:
- Don’t ask someone else to do what you can do as well unless you’re paying them.
- Don’t ask for favors you won’t be willing to do yourself for others.
- Don’t ask for ridiculous favors unless you really, really need them.
- Always give them an out. Tell them that it’s okay to say 'no' and that you won’t hold it against them.
6. White lying
Many people think that they’re good at lying. And they might be. But what they fail to understand is that people are even better at catching lies. People can smell BS from a mile away.
When you lie to someone, you subconsciously assume that you’re smarter than them and that they’re stupid; so you can get away with it. When you do get away with it, it’s harmless.
But when your lies get exposed, people will be angry at you. They’ll feel like you assumed that they’re stupid, and they’ll dislike you for it.
So my suggestion is to stop lying. Not for ethical or moral reasons. But for your own selfish reasons; so people don’t dislike you. And I get that sometimes lying is necessary, and lying might be okay in those times. But do try to keep your lying to the absolute minimum.
We interact with others every day. And there’s nothing more subtle and complex than understanding the dynamics of human conversation. In this article, we talked about six subtle behaviors you may engage in that make people dislike you. Here’s a recap.
- Dominating conversations with humor. People like to laugh, but there’s a time and place for humor.
- Trying to tell a better story than others.
- Hijacking people’s decision-making by micromanaging them.
- Handing over your chores to someone while they’re doing the same chore.
- Asking for ridiculous favors without giving people an out.
- Lying often. People are not that stupid and can catch your lies more often than you think.
Akshad Singi, M.D. has been published in Better Humans, Mind Cafe, and more.