Fiancé Asks Bride-To-Be Not To Wear A White Wedding Dress So People Will Know She's Not 'Pure'
His obsession with virginity has her questioning whether she even wants to marry him anymore.
FOTO Eak | Shutterstock A bride-to-be is thrown by her fiancé's strange ideas about what her wedding attire should be. Posting to Reddit, the bride-to-be detailed how her fiancé is upset about her choice to wear a white wedding dress, as nearly all brides do, of course. His reasoning, however, has nothing to do with his favorite color or wanting to host an unconventional wedding. Instead, he wants her to choose a dress that will basically announce her lack of purity to anyone who observes their nuptials.
The bride-to-be's fiancé objects to a white wedding dress because she's not 'pure.'
It all began when her fiancé, Ryan, with whom she's been in a relationship for six years, came home from work and told her he and his co-workers had discussed her dress. And after their conversation, he decided that she shouldn't wear a white dress. She was, of course, deeply confused — but Ryan is "an artsy guy," so at first she assumed it was something to do with his plans for their wedding photos.
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She told him she was set on wearing white, and that was that, until she actually came home with her wedding dress, that is. Her fiancé immediately asked to see it, but she refused, bowing to wedding traditions that say it's bad luck for the groom to see the dress before the wedding.
He then asked that she at least tell him what color it was.
The bride's fiancé 'threw a fit' about her white wedding dress, saying it should be red because she's not chaste.
When she questioned why on earth she should wear red to her wedding when almost nobody deviates from white, "he told me that brides only wear white when they are pure." Ryan certainly has his wires crossed because that notion is about as outdated as men wearing a suit and tie to work every day in 2025.
In fact, a survey by the knot back in 2022 found that a whopping 83% of brides choose white for their attire, although the number is getting smaller as trends change. Let's not even tell Ryan that there are plenty of brides foregoing dresses altogether.
The bride-to-be went on to explain that when she and Ryan got together when they were 21 and 20, he was a virgin, but she was not, though she'd only been with one other person. She said this caused major problems in their relationship, so much so that "we almost did not continue dating because of how insecure he felt."
Her fiancé said he thinks a white wedding dress would deceive their guests.
The conflict became so dramatic that the groom even enlisted his mother for her opinion, thinking she'd side with him. But the groom's mother thought the whole thing was as ridiculous as the bride did. "Ryan, his mom and I stood in our living room and argued about my sex life being shown in a dress," she wrote.
And when his mom pointed out the double standard at play, saying that Ryan "is no longer a virgin either so maybe he should wear red too," her fiancé burst into tears.
The wedding dress drama has the bride having second thoughts about marrying her fiancé.
She wrote that she is "really disgusted by him," and that he isn't even religious, she knows it's just down to hang-ups about sex, not to mention sexism. "I know this is just about him still thinking about me losing my virginity at 18 before I even knew him," adding that he said, "it's different for guys" when it comes to virginity.
She went on to say the whole thing has "made me question even marrying this man" because of "how psycho this is." She wasn't alone in the sentiment. Commenters on Reddit were seriously aghast. "Throw the whole man in the bin," one wrote. "For 6 years has he been planning on getting back at you for not being a virgin at your wedding?"
Others had sobering warnings for the bride-to-be, and one perfectly underlined how potentially dangerous her fiancé's obsession with sex and virginity is. "Look, if he is this insecure after six years together, things are not going to improve..." Another simply noted, "I'd seriously consider what you are signing up for. Dude sounds messed up af."
Experts agree that when shocking differences emerge between engaged couples, it's not a bad idea to reconsider the wedding.
Jane Garapick is a professional dating coach, and she includes situations like this in her list of six valid reasons to call off a wedding. "Even when you want the same things, marriage is a rough road," Garapick wrote, "fraught with the ups and downs and curveballs that you're just not expecting."
But thinking these problems will smooth themselves out is a huge mistake, she said. "[I]f you're going into it thinking 'opposites attract,' 'we'll work it out,' 'he'll settle down once we're married,' well, you're definitely in for more downs than ups."
It sounds like this bride-to-be might be on the right track to reconsider things. At the very least, they should both actively seek out pre-marital counseling to find out what is really simmering below the surface. After all, couples who talk this stuff out before walking down the aisle have a 30% higher success rate that the marriage will actually last. Considering his fiancée already has doubts and they haven't even walked down the aisle yet, the odds are not in his favor without some outside intervention.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
