Being Very Authentic & Likable Comes With 7 Unfortunate Downsides, According To Psychology
GaudiLab | Shutterstock Being authentic and likable sometimes comes with unexpected downsides. These people eventually feel burdened and have more personal responsibility to stay true to themselves.
The seven unfortunate downsides to being authentic and likable, according to psychology:
1. It's easier to be criticized at work
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According to a study from the Journal of Applied Psychology, authentic people are more likely to get worse performance scores at work. They're also less likely to be promoted into manager positions.
So, even though our culture loves to throw around phrases like "just be yourself," actually honoring that authenticity can have downsides in places that value conformity and obedience.
2. You can bring out other people's insecurities
Insecure people often end up in toxic relationships and with unhealthy friendships because they struggle to accept good energy from partners they truly deserve. They may even be more prone to comparing themselves to others, which gives them a boost of confidence around fake people.
Because insecure people tend to underestimate just how much others like them, they misunderstand and misjudge likable and authentic people. They can't believe they're worthy of someone's presence or that they're making a true connection with a person who seems so perfect on the outside.
3. People use you for status
In the right hands, a very authentic and likable person can be an amazing asset to someone's happiness. But for people with narcissistic tendencies, who tend to use others to social climb or seek out status, it creates transactional relationships.
They have the power to decide who has access to them and can walk away from relationships where they feel used. But still, it can feel draining to constantly question who's using you for status and who genuinely cares about you.
4. It's exhausting at times
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Our society always finds something to judge. They want you to be authentic, but not too expressive or unique. That's why authenticity can sometimes be emotionally draining and confusing for someone just trying to be themselves. They can't help but notice all the criticism and judgment they receive for doing exactly that.
Knowing how to filter their personalities also takes a lot of energy. You can't be the same level of authentic around your friends as you would be with your boss at work. It might seem like this separation comes naturally, but it often takes a lot of consideration.
5. You may be misunderstood
Much like expressions of intelligence are sometimes misperceived by others as arrogance, likable or agreeable people are often deemed passive or indecisive. Even if kindness for others is part of what makes them special, these judgments drain their energy over time.
Agreeableness can make someone happier and more prosocial, but it can also bring out the insecurities they don't want others to see.
6. People struggle to trust you
Being personable and authentic at the same time requires a great deal of self-awareness. It's rare to have these traits today, so some people struggle to trust another person's positivity when they're around.
If they're feeling disconnected from their own selves, it's much easier for them to assume that these people are putting on a front or faking positivity to be liked. They can't imagine your skills and intentions because they're so insecure about not showing up in the same way or having the same kinds of traits.
7. People assume you're being fake
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Ironically, misunderstandings around someone's authenticity often come up with easy-going people. If someone thinks another person is showing up perfectly, they're more likely to judge and question if their intentions are good.
Psychology experts agree that most people cannot accurately judge whether or not someone's authentic, but it doesn't stop them from trying.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
