Don't Find Your Worth In A Man — Find A Man Who's Worthy Of You

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man and woman on date

Nothing breaks my heart more than when an awesome girl can’t see how awesome she is. 

Too many women are placing too much value on being in a relationship and not enough on their own self-esteem. It’s an infuriating epidemic that needs to be stopped. 

Having a man does nothing to up your value as a person. 


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It doesn’t make you better. 

It doesn’t make you more. 

But I think it’s safe to say that most of us start dating with little understanding of that, and little trust in ourselves. Despite the fact that I own several mirrors, I don’t think I ever felt that cute until my first boyfriend told me he thought I was. 

Keywords: he thought. Because what I thought was apparently not enough to give me the confidence to feel like it. But the truth is: guys actually love confidence - the kind of confidence when a woman knows her self-worth and knows what she wants.  

We have to stop waiting around for a guy to convince us we’re worthy of love. We have to let go of the idea that our looks, smarts, and quirks are validated until there’s a guy around to validate them. 

Because the more power we give the guys in our lives over our feelings, the shittier we’ll feel. I assure you.

Insecurity and a lack of self-esteem are why so many badass girls never reach their full potential. It’s why future CEOs, engineers, screenplay writers, musicians, bloggers, and presidents are currently crying in their closets trying to figure out why they’re not good enough. 

Here’s a hint: it’s because they’re waiting for someone to tell them they’re good enough. 

Spoiler: You are good enough.

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The moment you decide you’re good enough is the moment you take back your power. 

You live your life the way you intended to, and you don’t let some guy who called you pretty at the bar (and failed to ever text you back) derail you from chasing after your dreams. 

When you tell yourself you’re worth all on your own, you stop wasting time on guys you aren’t worthy of you.

Suddenly career ambition, savings accounts, and being kind to strangers become more important qualities than “He thinks I’m cute.” 

You live your life waiting for someone else to come around and make you feel better. You have to make yourself feel better.

All on your own.

You might have to lie a little bit at first (fake it till you make it right??), but when you live your life like you actually give a damn about yourself, everything becomes 1000% better. 

You have to love yourself before you can love everyone else, as cliche as that may sound; it's true. 


RELATED: How I Finally Rebuilt My Self Esteem Through Complete And Total Radical Acceptance

Emily Blackwood is a writer and editor focused on relationships and pop culture. Follow her on Twitter.