Dad Wonders What To Do About His 21-Year-Old Son's New Girlfriend Sleeping At His House Every Night
They've only been together for a week — one very intense week.
seb_ra / Getty Images Pro / Canva Pro Adjusting to the idea of your kid now being an adult is a challenging process, especially when they start bringing their significant others into the picture.
For one dad on Reddit, this dynamic is coming to a head now that his son has a new girlfriend, and he has no idea how best to handle it.
The dad is worried about his son's girlfriend sleeping over every night even though they just met.
We all know that sometimes love hits hard, but even by "love at first sight" standards, his son and his new girlfriend are moving mighty fast.
"My 21-year-old had a first date with a girl on Thursday," the dad wrote in his post, "and she’s stayed every night since."
It's totally normal to feel edged out of your kid's life when they get hot and heavy — and even more natural to worry that "hot and heavy" might turn into "pregnant and broke."
This dad is definitely feeling some discomfort with this new chapter in his son's life.
The dad is not sure what 'normal' is when it comes to handling his son's love life.
He didn't like his son's last girlfriend, but that's not the problem this time. His son and his new girlfriend went to high school together, and he said she's a "nice girl." But he's worried about how fast things are moving.
"They both work and have somehow ended up here every overnight since," he wrote. He told his son that she should stay at her own house, especially since her mom and stepfather live nearby. But it doesn't seem to have stuck. "She’s here this morning, again," he added.
Sleeping together isn't what bothers him. "I can’t stop them from doing things," he wrote. "I did things in the driveway here at his age." But he is concerned about the obvious — the girlfriend getting pregnant.
He and his son have had that talk, and he's made it clear that becoming a grandfather right now is not something he wants to be in the cards. Still, something about it doesn't feel "quite right."
And especially since he's a single dad flying solo — his son's mom "isn’t in the picture anymore" — he's feeling very confused about what the right approach is. "I don’t know what normal is to deal with this," he wrote. "They are very into each other, and I can’t really stop them, but do they have to be here every night?"
Parents on Reddit applauded him for his empathetic approach but urged him to set boundaries.
Several commenters noticed one very important dynamic at play: the dad has established a relationship in which his son feels totally comfortable and safe being open with his dad about the more private details of his life, and that's a huge success.
"I remember 'falling in love' hard and fast at that age," one woman wrote. But even in that heady flush of romance, she shared that she never would have felt comfortable sleeping over at her beau's parents' house. "Maybe it's a good thing that your son feels so comfortable with you," she said.
But she and many others also agreed that the dad was letting his discomfort and worry turn a very simple dilemma into what feels like a giant pitfall. Because, in the end, it's just about communicating a very reasonable and basic desire for some privacy in his home.
"This is about you, not him or her," one person wrote. "You have a right to set personal boundaries for yourself and your home." They went on to explain that "it doesn’t have to be an indictment on his choices" and that "conflict" isn't even necessary. "It’s simply a boundary you need to set with him, and that’s all."
"It's totally fine to not want a guest every night of the week," another added. "Lots of adult roommates who are not parent and child have rules about how many nights a week regular guests are allowed. It's okay to need your own space."
It really is that simple. Though the worrying is natural — and shows how much the dad cares for his son — what he's asking for is reasonable and basic. If it's done respectfully and openly, a conversation about his needs as he adjusts to this new chapter in his son's life has the potential to bring them even closer together. And that in the end is what healthy relationships between parents and adult children are all about.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice, and human interest topics.