Birth Order Psychology Reveals Who You’re Best Matched With
Birth order influences who you're most likely to be attracted to, according to psychology.
Patrik Velich | Unsplash Blaming yourself for your last painful breakup? Don't. It might be your birth order's fault.
A book by psychologist Linda Blair, entitled Birth Order: What Your Position In The Family Really Tells You About Your Character, says that many relationships fail or succeed based on what order both mates were born. And some birth orders are more compatible than others.
Birth order psychology reveals who you're best matched with:
1. First-born with last-born
Opposites really do attract. First-borns are nurturers and caretakers, and last-borns often need to be cared for, so this match finds its perfect opposite.
What makes this pairing so satisfying is how each person's natural strengths address the other's core emotional needs. Research has shown that the magnetic pull between these two types feels effortless because it recreates positive family dynamics for both partners.
2. Only child with the last-born
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This is a good match because last-borns tend to inspire creativity and freedom in only children. When these two personalities come together, last-borns can serve as gentle liberators for only children who may have become too rigid in their approach to life.
This combination often results in a relationship where both partners become more well-rounded versions of themselves. The only child discovers their capacity for joy, spontaneity, and creative expression, while the last-born finds ways to harness their natural talents more effectively.
3. Middle child and first-born
If you're with a middle child, you've hit the jackpot. Middle children tend to be able to get along with both first-borns and last-borns.
But any pairing still requires that both partners respect who the other is. An overbearing firstborn should be on her best behavior around a more docile and malleable middle child.
4. Two last-borns
A couple comprised of two last-borns can be a great creative match. But they should be careful not to be too impulsive or immature with one another.
A 2019 study explained that as the youngest, they often grow up receiving more attention and indulgence, while simultaneously learning to charm their way out of trouble and compete for resources with older, more capable siblings. These couples often share an infectious enthusiasm for life that can make their relationship feel like a continuous adventure.
5. Two middle children
Middle children are a good match because of their combined diplomacy and desire to please, but they should be careful not to be too deferential to each other.
Unlike firstborns, who receive undivided attention early on, or youngest children who often remain the baby, middle children learn to navigate life from a position where they must actively earn their place and voice within the family system. This experience shapes them into natural diplomats, skilled negotiators, and empathetic partners who excel at seeing multiple perspectives.
6. Middle child and last-born
They're a great match because middle children aim to please and will support the last-born's desires to pursue their dreams.
Research shows that middle children often struggle with feeling overlooked or less special than their siblings, which develops into a deep-seated desire to be valued and appreciated by their romantic partners.
This creates adults who are particularly motivated to create harmony in their relationships and who find genuine fulfillment in supporting their partner's success and happiness.
7. Middle child with only child
Only children like to take charge, and middle children are only too happy to have someone else take the reins. But beware! These combinations are dangerous.
The early stages of this relationship often feel effortlessly harmonious. The only child's natural leadership tendencies seem to mesh perfectly with the middle child's conflict-avoidant, accommodating nature.
The danger lies not in the initial compatibility, but in how these patterns reinforce and amplify each other over time, creating an increasingly unbalanced dynamic that can be psychologically damaging to both partners.
8. Two firstborns
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Conflict is likely if you're highly competitive and both want to be in charge. It can work if you can channel your competitive drives outside of the relationship.
Research has concluded that the key to success for two firstborns lies in recognizing that their shared leadership qualities are a strength to be managed thoughtfully rather than a problem to be solved. When they learn to dance together rather than wrestle for control, they can create partnerships characterized by mutual respect and shared success.
9. Firstborn and only child
Ditto for this pairing, which may exhibit many of the negative characteristics of a firstborn match. When both partners recognize their similar psychological patterns and commit to conscious relationship work, they can actually create very strong unions.
Their shared drive for excellence and responsibility can translate into a highly functional partnership when properly channeled. They may need to work harder than other couples to create space for emotional intimacy and to resist the tendency to turn their relationship into a project to be managed rather than a connection to be nurtured.
10. Two only children
This may not be the best match because you're both used to getting what you want.
Of course, any birth order pairing has the potential to succeed — or fail — based on how kind, loving, and understanding both partners are. But here's hoping this insight may just help you make better dating decisions in the future.
My Daily is a former partner and contributor with YourTango.
