12 Behaviors Of People Who Are Incapable Of Being Emotionally Available, According To Psychology
The subtle habits that signal someone can't open up emotionally.
Maxim Tolchinskiy | Unsplash Sometimes you meet someone and you are certain this is going to be the love of your life. Then a few months pass, and for some reason they — or even you — just aren't feeling it as intensely as either of you expected.
You may both be confused as to why that person hasn't fallen, but then, if you think about it, it just may be the case that this person (which still may be you) has never truly been in love with anyone at all.
This may naturally lead you to wonder if the issue isn't this particular pairing, but whether or not some people simply are not capable of being emotionally available.
What causes someone to be like this? The reasons may stem from their negative childhood experiences, past relationship traumas, or the basic nature of their personality.
Here are 12 behaviors of people who are incapable of being emotionally available, according to psychology:
1. Blaming others for their problems
People who are not capable of love often have a tendency to blame problems on other people. They lack insight into how they may be contributing to the problem.
They are narrow-minded and only focused on how a situation or relationship benefits them or holds them back. They rarely put fault in themselves for things not working out as they planned.
2. Not taking accountability
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People who cannot fully love someone have a limited ability to see their faults in situations or relationships. Instead of working on things in the relationship as a two-way street, it's often one-sided, and apologies don't come easily (if ever).
If someone can't even love themselves, how are they supposed to see fault in their limited and narrow mind? They can't. And they won't even try.
3. Making excuses for a stream of failed relationships
Again, having to own up to something takes some sort of self-awareness and knowledge about yourself.
Instead, people who can't love may make excuses for their behavior, such as "Oh, I was drunk, don't take it personally," "I don't usually act like that," and, my personal favorite, "You just made me so mad."
Justification and making excuses are common in those who lack a sense of self and have no capability of loving another person.
4. Giving up on relationships easily
People who are Incapable of love may simply give up if something or someone doesn't benefit them anymore. They don't think about the other person. To be quite frank, they don't care.
When something no longer serves a purpose that favors the loveless person, their interest in a person and the relationship diminishes.
5. Showing little interest in growing as a person
As a result of the above statements, this person will not show much interest in personal growth. As time goes on, you'll notice their attention span shortening, almost as if they are saying they don't care without speaking the words out loud.
6. Having poor communication skills
As a result of someone being unable to love and their general close-minded nature, they communicate infrequently.
They will allow upset or hurt feelings to stir up inside of them until they can't handle it anymore, and they explode. This frustration is within them, so they really shouldn't be blaming someone else.
7. Being emotionally withdrawn
They will emotionally withdraw from the relationship, while you may or may not be aware of what is happening in their mind due to their emotional difficulties. You may be working on the relationship while they move further and further away from you.
8. Being perpetually unhappy
People unable to love are also prone to being unhappy. They may explain this is a new thing or that it's been progressive.
But here's the truth: The unhappiness started with the person and not having a clear foundation of who they are. In more plain terms, they become unhappy because they don't know who they are.
9. Refusing to compromise
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Me, me, me. It's always about them. It's always what they want first. No compromise. They don't care to find out who they are, but they will take, take, take. It is always about them.
10. Being close-minded
These folks are often very rigid and stuck in their ways. If you can't open yourself up for love, then you're nowhere near ready for a relationship.
If they don't love themselves or have a certain level of respect for themselves, they are not going to have a successful relationship, and you should run... like, yesterday.
11. Caring too much about other people's opinions
People who are incapable of love may rely too heavily on making people like them that they won't have any time to care for their needs or wants. Rather, you may end up being the "support system" for them.
You will be the one they look to to boost their ego when someone doesn't like them.
12. Potentially presenting symptoms of Emotional Deprivation Disorder
Emotional Deprivation Disorder (EDD) is "a syndrome (a grouping of symptoms) which results from a lack of authentic affirmation and emotional strengthening by another."
That is, people with EDD were deprived of feeling their uniqueness or goodness while growing up, causing them to stunt their emotional development. They can't possibly maintain a healthy relationship because they lack the necessary education or knowledge to do so.
It's as if you tried performing brain surgery without going to school for it. You don't know what to do, where to start, or how to react, right? That is what it is like for these people with this disorder.
They were never allowed to understand their feelings, so they have no idea what to do about them, and they are incapable of feeling love because they've never experienced it (or don't realize that they have).
Therefore, they cannot form mature relationships. A person who cannot be emotionally available may end up having a lonely and unfulfilling life. Not having this in your life, whether that means giving or receiving it, can lead one to become a deeply unhappy person.
People who live without love in their lives naturally struggle with intimacy, leading to a history of repeated failed relationships. Most of the time, they fear love; people who are incapable of love become that way because they were not shown love as children. However, people can work on themselves and learn to love, particularly with help from a qualified therapist.
Brittney Lindstrom is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Rehabilitation Counselor.
