3 Ways To Become The Kind Of Person A Sociopath Refuses To Target
Sometimes they play with your emotions just for fun.
Jacob Lund | Canva Millions of people living among us are users. They have serious personality disorders in which they exploit and manipulate others — clinically referred to as antisocial personality disorders, including, narcissistic and psychopathic personality disorders. Lifetime prevalence for these conditions ranges from 2% to 4% in men and from 0.5% to 1% in women. To deny this reality is to put ourselves at risk.
These users view every social interaction as a feeding opportunity of sorts. They all have the same sociopathic MO, or modus operandi. You have something they want, they can see your vulnerabilities and they know how to manipulate those vulnerabilities to get what they want.
People who engage in sociopathic behavior view the world as predators and prey. In many cases, what they want is obvious, but sometimes they want the fun of manipulating someone into doing what they want. This called duping delight.
Knowing all of this, how can you protect yourself? By knowing where they'll target and being proactive.
Three ways to become the person sociopaths won't target
1. Identify your vulnerabilities
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Are you lonely? Are you struggling to take care of your kids? Are you worried about money? These are all common vulnerabilities, and there are many, many more. A sociopathic person will snag you through your vulnerabilities. Therefore, you need to know what they are, so that you can discern when you are being targeted.
How do you discover your vulnerabilities? Through self-reflection.
If you want a romantic partner and don't have one, that's an obvious vulnerability. But take a close look at your feelings on this issue. Do you feel like you're nothing without a partner? Do you feel like you're running out of time? The more desperate you feel, the easier it will be for a sociopathic individual to target you.
Sit quietly with a pen and paper. Ask yourself, "What do I want? How badly do I want it?" Write down everything that comes to mind. You'll have a list of your vulnerabilities — which is the first step towards protecting yourself.
2. If your vulnerabilities are rooted in pain, heal them
As a human being, you've certainly endured disappointment and grief in your life. You may have also suffered real betrayal and abuse. These experiences create energies of pain and vulnerability within you — and sociopaths just seem to have radar to spot them.
Therefore, the best thing you can do to protect yourself from sociopaths is to work on healing your emotional pain. How do you do this? By allowing yourself to feel the pain, so you can let it go.
This means allowing yourself to cry, grieve or express anger about what happened to you. Sit quietly, permit memories of what happened rise to your awareness, and then feel the emotions of the experience.
This isn't pretty, so you'll want to do this either alone or with the help a trusted therapist. And pain usually runs deep, so it will take time to access it all.
But processing old emotions is absolutely worth the effort. Releasing old pain clears your internal vulnerabilities, so that sociopathic individuals have less to target. The healing work also enables you to feel happier and more peaceful.
3. If your vulnerabilities are targeted, listen to your intuition
Beware the person who seems to be the answer to your prayers. If someone sweeps into your life and tells you everything you want to hear, there's a chance that your vulnerabilities are being targeted.
Now is the time to pay attention to your instincts and value your intuition. If you are getting internal warnings that something is off about a person or a relationship, trust your instincts. Go on high alert, or end the involvement — even if you don't have proof of bad behavior.
The time to pay attention to you intuition is before you have evidence of manipulation or betrayal, not afterwards.
Being appropriately vulnerable
The truth is that any human relationship, especially a romantic partnership, requires a certain amount of vulnerability. You put yourself out there, take a chance, make a leap of faith. No one is perfect, so there are times that you will be disappointed in your relationships.
But by taking these steps, you can protect yourself from sociopathic individuals who prey on vulnerabilities. By knowing that exploiters and manipulators are out there and understanding yourself, you'll be able to judge when it is safe to open your heart.
Donna Andersen is the creator of Lovefraud and host of the True Lovefraud stories podcast. She is author of eight books and two scientific papers about sociopaths. Donna's practice helps survivors escape and recover from betrayal.
