These 3 Questions Can Allegedly Rule Out If Someone’s A Narcissist, According To A Diagnosed Narcissist
AYO Production | Shutterstock Diagnosed narcissist Jacob Skidmore shared a video on TikTok detailing 3 specific questions he alleges can rule out if someone you think has narcissistic personality disorder actually does. Obviously, this isn't a professional diagnosis, but Skidmore's personal experience and knowledge can give you a jumping-off point to allay your fears should you suspect you or someone you know might have NPD.
Skidmore said the test only works, however, if the questions are answered with complete honesty. He also said it's important to be curious about yourself and the inner workings of anyone you might suspect is a narcissist.
A diagnosed narcissist shared 3 questions he alleges can rule out if someone has narcissistic personality disorder:
1. Are they genuinely happy for the success of those closest to them?
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Narcissists love attention. A spotlight on themselves means validation of their high self-esteem. Praise is what they want. Sharing that praise with someone else isn't a natural reaction. An academic paper from 2019 asserted that it can be almost impossible for someone with diagnosed NPD to see others happy and thriving, especially if their success or moment in the sun doesn't somehow also benefit them.
This goes beyond simple jealousy, however. You can be jealous, but also genuinely happy for someone at the same time. A person with NPD doesn't feel that genuine sense of joy when someone else succeeds. It's a difficult question to answer because jealousy can mask that genuine sense of happiness, but it is decidedly not the same thing.
2. If they mess up, how do they pick up the pieces?
Skidmore explained that a narcissist doesn't have a compassionate inner voice. That means if something goes wrong, they will beat themselves up about it without an ounce of compassion. "A lot of people think narcissism means self-love. It doesn't," according to Skidmore. He went on to say, "It means grandiosity. We have to prove to ourselves that we are better than everyone else." When a narcissist doesn't live up to their own "grandiose expectations," as Skidmore put it, they are incredibly hard on themselves about it. There is no compassion.
Although humans are all guilty of judging themselves more critically than their peers, putting themselves to an extreme set of guidelines to follow with extreme expectations to achieve is a slippery slope with no grip.
We are all allowed a moment to wallow, but if you never say to yourself, "I know I can do better next time," while dusting yourself off, or if you know someone who never gives themselves any grace for mistakes, it might be a sign of more narcissistic tendencies.
3. When do they seem their most authentic self?
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As Skidmore shared, "No one is ever 100% themselves with anybody." He insisted, however, that if you have a hobby or an activity that you feel most comfortable in where you aren't self-conscious and you can confidently share that activity, you likely don't have NPD.
Using himself as an example, Skidmore shared, "If I ask myself, deep down, nothing really feels real unless somebody is telling me that it's real." Moments of nostalgia that reflected on his childhood and felt a little more "genuine," as he described them, cause him too much embarrassment to think about, so he doesn't acknowledge them. This is basically being uncomfortable in your own skin. Being uncomfortable with your own autonomy.
Self-confidence begins with knowing yourself and your feelings. Having interests, passions, and pastimes, and choosing those who align with similar interests and/or similar mentalities, makes confidence a reflection of who you are.
These questions aren't a definitive diagnosis of whether or not someone is a narcissist. Yet, Skidmore sheds light on "some characteristic issues people like me have." His perspective allows others to reflect on these questions for their own betterment. It's also telling because many people assume that a true narcissist thinks they are perfect in every way, and that is absolutely not the case.
Emi Magaña is a writer from Los Angeles with a bachelor's in English. She covers entertainment, news, and the real human experience.
