No One Who's Ever Really Been In Love Hasn't Been Hurt By Hearing 1 Of 5 Heartbreaking Things
Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock We can all agree that relationships are hard and take work.
To keep a relationship healthy, couples must have open communication and understanding. But when one partner says hurtful things, it can change the dynamic, eventually leading to a breakup.
Heartbreaking phrases people who have been in love have felt hurt by hearing
1. 'I don't care'
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When one partner says "I don't care" to the other, they're showing just how little respect they have. This phrase is so flippant and hurtful. By using it, they're showing their partner they aren't interested in listening. They don't truly care what they want, either.
"I don't care" can trigger people's fear of abandonment because the person who is supposed to love and care for you is apathetic. Unfortunately, being in love does not shield relationships from eroding because of apathy such as this.
2. 'If you really loved me...'
This phrase is emotionally manipulative, because you're dangling your love over a partner's head like a carrot. When someone says this hurtful phrase, the goal is to make their partner feel guilty. That guilt gives them room to demand whatever they want from their partner.
For people who have been in love, it's hurtful when a partner says this because love should never be transactional. Love is an active give and take between partners, and if one partner doesn't want to give, it's not up for the other to take on that responsibility.
3. 'I don't have time for this'
It's valid to not have time for something silly in the middle of the workday and use this phrase. But it's a whole other thing to say "I don't have time for this" when your partner is asking you to listen or in the middle of an argument.
Partners may use this phrase to end a heated discussion and walk out. They're more interested in "winning" than they are in resolving the conflict. It's known as stonewalling.
According to clinical psychologist Ellie Wilde, "In a discussion or argument, the listener withdraws from the interaction, shutting down and closing themselves off from the speaker because they are feeling overwhelmed or physiologically flooded. Rather than confronting the issue, someone who is stonewalling will be totally unresponsive."
With one partner feeling totally ignored just for trying to solve an issue, it's quite a hurtful thing to hear in response.
4. 'You're so needy'
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Anyone with an anxious attachment style has likely heard their partner call them needy before, and boy does it sting. Being called needy is incredibly hurtful because a person thinks they're giving everything to their partner, only to be told they're doing too much.
In relationships, name-calling isn't a great thing at all. For someone hearing this phrase, it can trigger their abandonment issues or their anxiety, because they no longer feel safe.
As experts from the Gottman Institute pointed out, "Being told you're 'too needy' can make you second-guess yourself quickly. But having needs, and expressing them, is not a flaw; it's a sign of emotional intelligence and awareness... There is no such thing as being 'too needy.' We are human beings."
5. 'We should just break up'
Threatening a break up or divorce is the most terrifying, heartbreaking thing a person can experience. It's unfair to their partner because they feel like they're being held over the edge of a cliff, and if they make one wrong move, it's over.
Threats like this can destroy a relationship because it's manipulative and destroys trust. Relationships are supposed to make us feel loved and safe, not like we're walking on eggshells.
People who have been in love have likely heard their partner say this if they were in a toxic relationship. It makes people feel insecure and, eventually, they'll stop trying to save their relationship if it feels like there's nothing to salvage.
Lyss Micalizzi is a writer covering human interest and pop culture, with a master's in Literature and Culture, a bachelor's in English Literary and Textual Studies, and over six years of writing and social media experience.
