People With Low Emotional & Social Intelligence Often Ask 5 Rude Questions To Women They Barely Know
carlesmiro | Shutterstock Most reasonable adults understand it’s not appropriate to ask other people certain questions, regardless of gender. Questions about your paycheck, intimate life and sometimes even politics tend to be on the no-no list.
However, certain questions hit differently when you’re a woman. Often they act offended when that woman shuts those questions down, even when they do it kindly. Some people might not even realize that the questions they're asking are more loaded than the chili chese-topped fries they consumed over the weekend.
People with low emotional and social intelligence often ask these rude questions to women they barely know:
1. 'Are you pregnant?' or 'When are you due?'
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During my first year at high school, one of my friends asked our French teacher if she was pregnant since she had a little belly. Even though I was only 12, I remember feeling mortified that she’d asked that question, but not as mortified as the teacher when she confirmed she wasn’t.
It might seem like an obvious question not to ask, even if you’re “absolutely sure” you’re correct, but let what I'm about to tell you be a cautionary tale.
One of my older female relatives once bumped into an acquaintance she hadn’t seen in years at the supermarket. After a quick catch-up, my relative asked the woman, “When are you due?” while pointing at the woman’s stomach. The woman laughed and said, “I’m not pregnant, I'm just fat.”
When my relative later relayed the story with huge embarrassment, I asked her what many of you are likely thinking, “Why would you say that?” It turns out the woman had such a prominent belly that my relative thought it was “safe” to ask, since she was “sure” she must be pregnant.
Learn from her mistake, I beg you.
2. 'Have you lost weight?'
Like asking a woman’s age, questioning if someone has put on weight is deemed another faux pas. Yet, asking a woman (or anyone) if they’ve lost weight is also rarely a good idea. While it might seem like a compliment, this is not always the case and can actually be harmful.
Women often feel the pressure to be on a diet and achieve a certain body image standard, and commenting on someone’s weight (even if it seems like you’re doing it favorably) feeds into this narrative. Surely there are more interesting questions to ask a woman, like how’s your new novel coming along, or how was the concert at the weekend?
Making body weight a key focus or the lead topic in a conversation can be damaging, and it’s really none of anyone’s business.
For example, a few years ago, my mental health was at its lowest. I’d lost enough weight for it to be visible and, for some reason, people I wasn’t even close to thought it was fine to comment on this or tell me I was too thin. It seems more socially acceptable to discuss lost weight rather than gained weight, but either question is unnecessary.
Unless someone invites the question by discussing their weight loss (or gain) journey with you, it’s best to skip the topic.
3. 'Is it because you’re on your period?'
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I often tell my friends I'm too premenstrual for certain activities or conversations during my luteal phase, and I have no problem discussing periods with anyone who’ll listen. But asking someone if their behavior or demeanor is because they’re on their period can be problematic, at best.
For one, it invalidates the person’s feelings, since there’s a common narrative (an annoying one) that a woman is too emotional on her period and that her reactions are irrational. The fact that the word “hysterical” is derived from the Greek word “hystera”, meaning uterus or womb, attests to this. It’s a stereotype that needs to die.
I had an ex-boyfriend who’d “jokingly” ask if I was on my period whenever I got angry at him or cried at something he’d said (he was a horrible human, so this happened often). The irony was that he had severe anger issues, but the double standard of emotional expression persists.
I’d be shocked if any reasonable person would ask a woman this question in 2026, but I'm officially vetoing it anyway.
4. 'Why don’t you smile more?'
When I turned 18, I began working at the local Working Men’s Club (a British pub that generally caters to more working-class male clientele). A question I was asked all the time was “Why don’t you smile more?” or the even more maddening statement “You look so much prettier when you smile.”
The men who drank in this pub were obsessed with how much the predominantly female staff smiled. It still annoys me to this day.
I’ll be shocked if any woman reading this has never been asked to smile or smile more, usually by men (although, not exclusively, as older female family members also seem to want in on the smile action). It’s a form of treating women as something pleasant to look at, and it’s grating.
Women do not exist for others’ entertainment.
There’s also a power dynamic in this situation, which feeds into the idea that women need to have it all together and look good while doing it. Therefore, unless you’re a professional photographer asking everyone to say “cheese” at a wedding, don't ask a woman why she doesn’t smile more.
5. 'Did you mean to say/write that?'
I’ve heard this one before, and it’s usually in a professional context. If a man makes a strong point, it’s often accepted at face value. If a woman does the same, her authority is more likely to be questioned.
When women are assertive and eliminate the “softening” language they’ve been conditioned to use, such as “sorry to bother you” or “I just think”, their tone is more likely to be policed compared to men. It comes from the idea that if a woman isn’t submissive, she’s “bossy”.
It doesn’t only happen in a professional context, either. Remember the toxic ex-boyfriend I mentioned earlier? He once asked me if I meant to post a particular photo to my Myspace page (I told you I'm a Millennial, and this was many years ago). It was a headshot that I liked, but apparently it made me look ugly, so I second-guessed myself and took it down.
So, don't ask a woman if she meant to do something, as she won’t thank you for it, and (like my ex-boyfriend) you’ll be on her blacklist.
There you have it. Five questions that you should absolutely never ask a woman, unless you want to feel the full force of their disdain.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Rachel Palmąka Mace is an Edinburgh-based writer, tutor, and lapsed academic. She is the founder of Around the World with Eight Women (AW80W), a global storytelling project exploring women's lived experience.
