Gen X & Millennial Women Were Taught 8 Things Growing Up That Turned Out To Be Completely Ridiculous
Jasen Wright | Shutterstock Society puts pressure on women that it doesn’t place on men. Men can be assertive and selfish without anyone questioning it. Women were taught to keep to themselves and that saying no was always a risk.
Even if their parents were great, at school and out in the world they were held to certain expectations. These outdated rules seem ridiculous now, but that's because of the work done by Gen X and millennial woman to make the world better for their daughters' generations.
The things Gen X and millennial women learned growing up that turned out to be pretty ridiculous:
1. Having a family comes first
These days, young women are choosing to settle down later in life to prioritize their careers or independence and most people support their choices. Some are even comfortable saying they don’t want to have children at all. But Gen X and elder Millennial women weren’t encouraged to do this. Boomer parents often applied the same pressures they felt when they were growing up, even if it didn't exactly match their values.
Having the perfect marriage, a house with a picket fence, and at least a few kids was the dream baby boomer parents laid out for their kids. If they didn’t follow tradition, they got an earful. Millennials waiting to have children were sometimes even called selfish or childish for their decision. Gen X and millennial women were taught to put settling down with a husband and kids above all else, and if they didn’t, they were judged by the older people in their lives. Fortunately most people see that as ridiculous now.
2. Always keep a smile on your face
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Sadly, every woman I know has been told to smile when walking innocently down the street. Some men think it’s appropriate to tell them they’d be more attractive if they kept a smile glued to their face at all times, no matter how upsetting this is for women and girls.
For Gen X and Millennials, some parents added to this stress. They thought this showed good manners and that being happy at all times was the best way to live. Worse, there was an implication that if they weren't happy, they shouldn't tell anyone. Like it was a failure.
A study found that women smile more than men do to appease other people. Even if they’re uncomfortable in certain situations, they will smile to show they’re willing to be accommodating. This is something they learned from their childhood, when smiling kept the peace. It was almost as if not these girls weren't actual people with real feelings under the surface.
3. Be quiet and agreeable
Gen X and Millennial women were taught that, in order to be loved, they had to be agreeable. This is still causing anxiety in a lot of their adult lives. They were told that being nice and keeping their true feelings to themselves would win others over and it may even be safer for them, physically.
Being empathetic and cooperative are great traits to have, but being told that the only way to get through life can shape someone’s understanding of both themselves and their relationships with others. It can also cause serious issues setting and enforcing boundaries for these girls that follow them into adulthood.
Being agreeable might encourage women to change themselves to get what they want. It’s ridiculous to teach women to shrink themselves to please others, but it was common for these generations to hear. Fortunately, most little girls today are taught skills to set and enforce boundaries, and that is a much healthier way to live.
4. Stay grateful and never ask for more than you're given
We’re all familiar with the gender pay gap. While it has gotten better in recent years, it’s still not an even playing field. In 2024, the average young woman (aged 25 to 34) made 95 cents for every dollar a man made. Back when Gen X women were young adults, in the 1990s, that gap was much wider. In 1995, women made around 72% of what men made for doing the same job. Of course, the wage gap was (and still is) for many women of color, though it's improving for most overall.
It’s frustrating to see men make more in the same or similar position. However, they were raised to be grateful for everything and it was clear that raising the issue was only going to make people mad at them. Even if they weren’t getting the same respect as their male counterparts, they had to take what they got and be grateful for it.
It’s great to feel gratitude. It helps us feel better by boosting our mood and improving our relationships with others. However, it’s ridiculous to expect women to stay grateful when life is working against them. It’s okay to fight back, especially when it comes to pay in the workplace.
This is a fight younger millennial women were encouraged to take up so that now, these young women are closing the gap at record speeds.
5. Always put everyone’s needs before your own
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Being selfless is a great trait to have, at least to an extent. While making others feel supported and loved can make us feel good, it’s also hard to put ourselves first when we are more concerned about the people around us.
Instead of telling someone no, a woman may push themselves past their breaking point to make sure everyone around them is happy. This is called self-silencing because they keep their feelings to themselves, and experts say it's keeping women sick. This pressure was incredibly intense for Gen X and millennial women and it still is.
Self-silencing can not only leave a woman doing things she didn’t want to, but it can also make her sick. When women are putting everyone before themselves, they aren’t prioritizing their own health. Women have 80% of autoimmune disease cases (compared to men) and are more susceptible to illness and mental health struggles from the stress of trying to do it all.
Being taught this ridiculous standard can be more damaging than many realize. Fortunately, Gen X women haven't wanted the same for their daughters, so hopefully this is the end of this trend and the future holds more equal partnerships and families where love and support are shared generously for all.
6. Appearance was everything
High beauty standards have always been an issue for women and girls. This pressure makes them feel like they have to look a certain way or they are not worthy. I know things like my weight make me anxious that I’m not good enough.
Women put more effort into their appearance than men do because society has taught them they should. In some ways that's gotten worse for Gen Z and Gen Alpha girls because of social media and the ever-present marketing of weight loss medications, makeup, skincare products, and bogus supplements.
But social media has also brought about body positivity movements and representations of so many different kinds of beauty. Women of all heights, races, skin tone, body shapes and more are celebrated by other women for being who they are in ways that could not have happened before social media.
Back then, it was only the people in charge of magazines and TV and movies that decided which women got to be considered beautiful, which mean only one or two body types and ethnicities were considered acceptable. Yes, it's ridiculous, but it was very real back then.
Gen X and elder millennial women also were told their career options were limited, and that their best bet was to be beautiful so a man would love them and take care of them. When their parents put pressure on them to be skinny or dress a certain way, it only added more stress and shame.
7. Don’t be too ambitious
A Pew Research study found that women, not men, are the ones who adjust their careers for family life. While their male partners are encouraged to climb the corporate ladder, women are expected to stay home with the children. When you’re pressured growing up to make becoming a mother your end goal, being too ambitious can get in the way of that.
This is both overtly expressed (by your parents and maybe even your partner) and subliminally (by comparing yourself to others who seem to be living their best lives as stay-at-home-moms, even if it means their careers tank as a result.
Juggling career and family life can feel impossible, but there are ways to make it work, and most moms in the USA do, now. Of course many women were not allowed to try because of societal pressure, which was so much stronger for the women who are now middle aged. While it seems ridiculous, Gen Z still deals with this challenge. When it comes to compromising, the pressure falls on the woman to raise the children, putting their own goals to the side for the sake of others, even today.
8. Never ask for help
Gen X and millennial women were stuck in a weird position back in the day. They were taught that it makes them look weak if they ask for help but they were also told that they should rely on men for protection and to be providers. As a result of this quandary, instead of asking others to step up, they overwork themselves to keep everyone happy. They may feel called to be perfect because they were told to be growing up. If they’re not doing everything on their own, they feel like a failure.
Being raised with impossible expectations sticks with you. They scrutinize themselves rather than looking at other people around them. They were told to maintain the house, themselves, and the family, and make it look easy. While they could delegate tasks to other people, they feel pressured to take on the world on their own because of how they were raised.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
