Women Who Feel Like A Burden Usually Heard 6 Phrases From Their Parents As Kids
fizkes | Shutterstock Women who live their lives feeling like a burden to their loved ones likely formed that low opinion of themselves as kids. The messages they received from their parents gave them a skewed sense of who they are and, instead of nurturing strength, taught them insecurity.
These women won't see how the words they heard in those early years impacted them and will blame themselves when relationships hit a rough patch. When parents offer criticism rather than support to their daughters, these girls grow into women who feel like they don't matter.
Phrases women who feel like a burden grew up hearing from their parents:
1. 'Don't be so sensitive'
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Women who were accused of being too sensitive when they were little girls are the same ones who are afraid to show emotions in front of their partners, or who beat themselves up for getting upset. Their parents programmed them to associate feelings with negativity.
Parents often use this tactic when they don't have the maturity to regulate their own emotions. Big emotions make them uncomfortable, so they prioritize their own feelings over the child's.
They may also lack emotional regulation skills because they, too, were treated poorly as children. When parents have unprocessed childhood trauma, they often repeat the cycle because that's the only example they were given as kids.
2. 'You're too young to have real problems'
Parents who invalidate their child's feelings and needs due to their age can be emotionally neglectful. This creates children with pent-up emotions as they grow, too afraid to speak up for fear of being shot down.
This emotional invalidation carries over into adulthood. Women who were invalidated frequently as children will naturally minimize their problems and needs because they don't want to burden anyone else.
This self-neglect may lead to feeling worthless or unseen. When you aren't taught to tend to your emotions as a child, it can lead to major anxiety as an adult.
3. 'You never do as I say'
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Narcissistic parents deal with absolutes when it comes to their kids. They use "always" and "never" to belittle their children. When a parent is never satisfied by their child's behavior, they set incredibly high standards for their child that are virtually unobtainable.
A good parent will only set expectations for their children that are age-appropriate. Often, parents who get easily frustrated with their children expect them to behave like tiny adults. But that's impossible. Kids are supposed to mess up; that's how they learn.
Women who were taught to think that they constantly mess up are often perfectionists. When they mess up, they feel like the world is crumbling around them and they don't want their loved ones to even be aware of it out of shame.
4. 'I don't know why I bother with you'
Many women grow up feeling guilty for existing because they were often guilt-tripped as a child. These guilt trips were used to control their child's behavior and get what they wanted. It is a cop-out that could just as easily be replaced by honest communication, but often comes from parents who don't know how to properly communicate due to emotional immaturity.
Guilt trip parenting creates women who not only feel burdened, but also have abandonment issues. They'll constantly be afraid of messing up, even over small mistakes, because they're afraid they'll be left. These early childhood experiences can even lead to insecure attachment styles in adulthood.
5. 'You have nothing to be sad about'
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While this phrase may be true when a child is complaining about not getting ice cream for breakfast or the toy they want, it doesn't apply when a child is suffering. Parents who say this are only teaching their daughters not to trust their own feelings.
When parents brush away their child's emotional needs, they teach their children to do the same. Women who refuse to go to therapy or discuss their feelings were often told as children to stop complaining or to show blind gratitude.
6. 'Why can't you be more like your sibling (or any other kid)?'
When raising multiple children, comparison is one of the worst things you can do. Comparing two children pits them against each other, so that they constantly feel like they're competing for love and attention.
Comparison is bad for development and creates negative self-talk that leads to low self-esteem. Kids who feel they don't measure up grow into adults who lack self-confidence.
Gabrielle Mattes is a writer working towards a Creative Writing degree. Her focus is lifestyle, wellness, human interest, and relationships.
