People With High Conversational IQ Almost Always Pause Before Saying 9 Words
GaudiLab / Shutterstock Long pauses and awkward silences can feel threatening in conversations, but short, intentional ones can actually draw people in and create a safe space.
Someone who possesses a high conversational IQ knows how to work pauses in just the right way to have the effect you want. More specifically, they'll make sure to pause before saying certain words to ensure they land with the intended effect.
If someone has a high conversational IQ, they'll often pause before saying these specific words
1. ‘Yes’
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When someone takes a long pause before saying yes, we tend to read it as hesitation. Especially in an emotional, personal conversation, a long pause can make us feel uncertain of a person’s true intentions. However, when someone takes a short pause and intentionally says yes, we’re more confident in their competency and honesty.
While it might be uncomfortable for some people to sit in silence, even for just a few brief moments, at the end of the day, we perceive it as intelligence. The more thoughtful someone is with their words, even if there are few, the more trusting and confident we are in their responses.
2. ‘No’
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When someone is setting a boundary or standing their ground, if they immediately respond with a high-pitched no or repeat themselves multiple times, it’s easy to assume they’re anxious or uncertain. However, when someone takes the time to think and respond with confidence, we’re more likely to trust their confidence.
Someone who’s truly intelligent and competent doesn’t need to fill the space in a conversation to prove their worth. They can sit in silence, create space for others, and speak up to advocate for themselves when needed, without over-explaining.
3. ‘I’m sorry’
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If someone is panicking and apologizes in an attempt to cover their tracks or sweep an issue under the rug, it’s often obvious. That kind of insincerity makes itself known in their rushed speech and manic body language.
However, someone with truly great social skills and a sense of intentionality in their conversations will take the time when they are apologizing. They won’t say they're sorry without thinking about their actions and taking some space to consider how they’ve affected the other person.
When they do continue on with an apology, it comes after a brief pause that makes it clear they’ve given it thought and fully understand what has happened.
4. ‘But…’
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It can feel especially invalidating when someone cuts you off mid-sentence, jumping in to offer a counterpoint. However, intelligent people with great communication skills know that ensuring other people feel heard is the foundation of a great conversation, and that it's far more important than trying to prove they’re right or make a point.
Even if they don’t agree with someone or have a different perspective to bring to the table, they still soak in what someone’s saying. They consider their opinions and create space for them to share before speaking their mind.
5. ‘Why?’
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Intelligent people are often naturally curious, which is why they ask thoughtful questions and learn for the sake of growth. They’re interested in what someone else has to say, even if it takes some digging to really understand and empathize with their opinions.
They pause before asking questions to give someone space to share without pressure, and they also create depth by using intentional silence in conversations. They want everyone to feel safe speaking up, even if it takes them a little time to gather their thoughts.
Someone with an intelligent, deep-thinking mind also needs this space to ask the right questions. Hence, their space before asking them.
6. ‘Maybe’
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Before offering a different opinion, intelligent people tend to use warm, soft language. They don’t want to completely shut people down with a no, or by saying the other person is wrong, so they use intentional pauses and words like this to keep the conversation flowing.
Especially around people who can get especially defensive when someone criticizes their perspective, it’s clear these social people know what they’re doing by pausing and creating space to make people feel valued.
7. ‘Okay’
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The smartest people choose not to waste their energy on arguments with the wrong people or interactions with chronically negative people. They might think about calling someone out or saying something that would spark a conflict, hence the pause, but if it’s in their best interest, they’ll shut it down with something like fine or okay.
Especially because emotions, especially when they’re negative, tend to be contagious to the people around them, these conversations are better left set aside than continued.
8. ‘Actually’
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While a word like this can sometimes make people defensive and feel invalidated, it’s sometimes inevitable. That’s why smart people are careful about when they should use it and when it’s better left unsaid.
They pause to consider how important it is to speak their mind in a way that corrects someone or redirects the conversation, and then they’re careful about how they bring up whatever they need to say. Whether it’s solving a problem in a professional environment or correcting someone’s assumption in a relationship, they know how to correct a mistake without coming across as entirely arrogant.
9. ‘Interesting’
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Instead of calling someone out or making fun of them, people with a high conversational IQ pause before using a word like interesting, which can come off as passive-aggressive. They might think about how they’re going to respond and be intentional with their phrases and word choice, but they’re rarely going to make someone feel silly or embarrassed for the sake of seeming superior.
They’re more interested in creating a safe space for everyone to share their opinions so they can learn and have deep conversations than trying to prove a point.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
