Parents Who Raise Emotionally Secure Kids Almost Always Avoid Doing 6 Things
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs via Canva Emotional security stems from feeling accepted and embraced for being yourself. And as kids grow up, having parents that encourage them to express their emotions can build confidence and compassion later in life.
In fact, parents like this tend to avoid doing certain things that can harm their children and affect them as adults. Because being emotionally secure doesn't mean being "soft," it means having resilience and independence.
Parents who raise emotionally secure kids avoid doing these things
1. Being closed-off
kali9 from Getty Images Signature via Canva
While some parents hide parts of themselves from their kids, when they're instead open and honest, it encourages their kids to trust them. By telling stories about their experiences, their children can relate to them on a deeper level than just a parent-child relationship.
It's important for parents to be vulnerable with their kids so they can be vulnerable in return. It allows them to be truly seen. And as journalist Donna Jackson Nakazawa explained, "When parents are overwhelmed, children absorb that anxiety... But when we stay calm, listen, validate, and stay open and present, their neural wiring for safety, resiliency, and future problem solving fires up."
2. Reacting to emotional outbursts
Children tend to have big emotions that manifest as outbursts or tantrums, especially when they're younger. But in order to provide emotional stability and support, good parents don't respond to their child's emotions with anger.
Instead, as parenting coach Reem Raouda suggested, parents should regulate themselves before they regulate their children. "Kids are far more likely to open up when they aren't worried about how their parent will react," she said.
Feeling safe to share your feelings and own up to mistakes is a part of childhood that not everyone is lucky enough to experience. But when children grow up in an environment where their feelings are taken into consideration, they can share whatever is on their mind and speak freely without getting shamed for it.
3. Making emotions unacceptable
Some parents tend to overlook their kid's emotions, especially because it's their job to make sure their children don't act out. But parents who raise emotionally stable and secure children stick by them, even when they're unhappy or upset.
To help their kids thrive, these parents allow their kids to feel their emotions, and then take steps to help them. In households where emotions are suppressed or discouraged, these children become adults who don't know how to regulate their emotions.
4. Never apologizing
It's the most normal thing in the world for parents and kids to get into arguments. It's just part of growing up and coming into their own identity with their own interests.
However, what's important is for parents to recognize when they're wrong and make amends. This teaches their kids that taking accountability is an essential part of life, especially if they've hurt somebody's feelings.
On the flip side, when parents refuse to ever apologize to their children despite being wrong, it invalidates them. Kids then view mistakes as weaknesses, preventing them from growing and learning from those errors.
5. Putting their needs on their kids
kate_sept2004 from Getty Images Signature via Canva
Many children grow up feeling like they can't be a burden on their parents, even when they haven't done anything wrong. Kids who feel this way typically have parents who blame their children for their bad feelings, despite it having nothing to do with them.
Kids shouldn't ever feel responsible for their parents' emotions or mistakes. But when good parents handle their own problems and don't ever put that responsibility on anyone else, they're teaching their kids emotional resilience.
6. Interrogating them
It's normal for children to give one-word replies to basic questions their parents ask. But rather than follow up with more questions, parents should find a conversation that's interesting for their child and invite them to talk. Kids then feel comfortable going to their parents with any questions or concerns they have about anything.
When parents don't do this, however, and instead continue to bombard their kids with question after question, it feels more like a police interrogation than a lighthearted conversation. And when this happens, their children are reluctant to really share anything else with them.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
