People Who Are Fake Nice Almost Always Say These 9 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Jacob Lund | Shutterstock It feels like more and more people are pretending to be nice when they're really not because they have ulterior motives. This makes it hard to know who you can really trust.
A lot of people who are fake nice act that way because they want more control or they hope to benefit in some other way. Unlike truly kind people, the inauthentic crowd acts sweet so they can get farther ahead, not because they want to be supportive. It's not always easy to tell when someone's kindness is fake, but certain phrases can clue you in.
Fake nice people say these phrases in even the most casual conversations:
1. 'I'm just trying to be honest with you'
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Honesty can be very complicated because we're all taught how important it is for our whole lives. But at the same time, it's entirely possible for someone to be too honest and say something that's really hurtful, all while claiming they thought it was for the best.
Psychotherapist Avrum Weiss explained this perfectly: "When someone protests that they are 'just telling the truth,' they are defending their intent as benign or even helpful, and are indignant at being held accountable for the impact of their words, even if that impact could reasonably have been anticipated."
Somebody who says something genuinely offensive and then rushes to cover it up by claiming to be honest definitely doesn't have your best interests at heart.
2. 'We need to catch up sometime'
Some people have a habit of pushing others away without even meaning to because they're afraid of trusting them or don't have a lot of confidence in themselves. Other people act like they want to hang out with you and have every intention of doing so, but just never follow through.
A person who isn't really nice will give you just enough attention to think they care. They'll convince you that they're going to spend time with you soon, but then never actually do it. "Sometime" won't ever come, but they must be kind if they're thinking about it.
3. 'I didn't expect that from you'
It's sweet when someone acknowledges that you exceeded their expectations, but not when they do it in a mean way. Phrases like this carry the subtle meaning that you did something better than they thought you could, because they never thought you were capable of that much in the first place.
This is a classic backhanded compliment, which relationship expert Jessica Alderson defined as "a statement that appears to have positive connotations on the surface but also contains a subtle insult or criticism." A truly kind person will be able to compliment you without putting you down in the process.
4. 'Let me know if you need something'
Have you ever noticed that this kind of phrase doesn't really carry much weight? The other person is technically offering their assistance, but doing so in an open-ended way makes it clear that they don't really care. And chances are they're hoping you won't actually take them up on that offer.
When someone displays this kind of insincerity, it usually means they're hoping to benefit from you in some way. A good example would be a co-worker who vaguely promises help with the intention of circling back for your expertise when needed. If they act like they're there for you, they think they can expect the same, however unfair it is.
5. 'I was thinking the same thing'
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It's comforting to know that someone else is on the same page as you, especially if you were feeling a bit indecisive or it's someone whose opinion you really respect. Fake nice people have a habit of agreeing with anything you say and letting you believe they have the same idea just so they can use you.
This is nothing more than flattery, which isn't a true compliment. When someone flatters you with bad intentions behind it, they do so in a way they know you'll appreciate, so they can gain some power and manipulate you. The likelihood that they actually had the same thought and think you're brilliant is pretty slim.
6. 'Whatever works for you is fine'
People who actually care about you and want you to grow won't be afraid to gently redirect you when they can tell you're going off course. They would never tell you anything you want to hear or avoid even the smallest argument in the interest of keeping the peace or letting you do whatever you want.
Someone who tells you to just follow through with whatever you feel is best is doing everything possible to avoid conflict. This often feels more comfortable for them in the moment and keeps them on your good side, but it's impossible to maintain any kind of relationship this way in the long run. That's not a true friend.
7. 'I just want to help'
We're all conditioned to think that help is a good thing and that we should automatically accept it, but some people use it in a controlling way. If you insisted you had a situation handled, but someone else said they were just trying to help you out, there's a good chance you would feel guilty for not letting them do so.
A guilt-trip like this is a personal form of manipulation. Clinical psychologist Kia-Rai Prewitt said that it "happens when someone intentionally tries to make you feel guilty for not wanting to do something that they want you to do." Offering to help sounds nice, but someone using it to get what they want like this is anything but.
8. 'You're the best'
Everyone likes to hear other people say good things about them, so this is the kind of phrase that would make you think someone was being kind. But notice that this supposed compliment is pretty vague and meaningless. What does it even mean to be 'the best'?
This kind of insincere validation is used by people who want to get on your good side so they can use you in a way that benefits them. Psychologist Leon F. Seltzer went so far as to call it "verbal bribery." It's really just that person's way to appear like they care so they can take advantage of you.
9. 'Bless your heart'
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This is a phrase that's more commonly used in the South, but it's about as fake nice as they come. "Bless your heart" is basically just a way for a nice Southern lady to imply that she's worried about you and recognizes how much you're struggling, all while expressing thinly veiled disapproval and judgment.
Attaching this to pretty much any statement is a way to soften the blow. Something that's clearly a criticism can sound less obvious when someone acts like they care. No one really ever says this to be nice, though, especially when they know that whatever they said right before it is downright scathing.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
