If Your Adult Children Know They Can Tell You These 10 Tough Things, You Did An Exceptional Job Raising Them
LightField Studios / Shutterstock Supportive parents are important, even as their children reach adulthood. It’s not uncommon to hear about adult children who have cut off all ties with their parents. However, those who were raised right likely remain closely bonded to them.
Parents who foster a healthy space for conversation tend to maintain strong relationships with children over time. Providing them with opportunities to share their thoughts, even on complex topics, can make them feel safe. Whether it’s letting them talk about a mistake they made without being instantly punished, or letting them share how their behavior made them feel, these open and honest conversations likely set the tone for the rest of their relationship. Now, they feel comfortable discussing hard things with their parents. From confronting them about something that hurt their feelings to telling them about their latest mistakes, these parents know they did an exceptional job raising their children because of how they confide in them.
If your adult children know they can tell you these 10 tough things, you did an exceptional job raising them
1. ‘I lost my job’
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It can be scary to tell your parents you lost your job. Most of us don’t want to disappoint them. Even though they are older, they might still chase that feeling of approval. By losing their job, they may fear their parents will be upset with them. This may cause people to become distant from their parents, hoping they won’t have to tell them what happened.
Those who have a close relationship with their parents feel differently. They likely have always had a safe space to talk about hard things. Having their parents’ support is never a question. They know they will be there for them through the tough times.
2. ‘I need help’
Asking for help can make us feel weak. It’s not easy to admit that we are in a tough spot and could use more support. Some people aren’t comfortable going to their parents when they’re at a low point. It can be embarrassing, and they may fear they are letting them down. Parents who did an exceptional job raising their kids may have a different experience.
If adult children feel safe with their parents, they’ll know they can go to them with anything. It’s still not easy to ask for help, but they know their parents will be there for them. Turning to them at their lowest point makes them feel better, not worse. They know that asking for help is important, even if it is hard.
3. ‘I’m not happy’
Being vulnerable around our family can be difficult. It’s not easy to let our guard down, even with the people who should support us unconditionally. Admitting our lives aren’t going the way we wanted them to is hard, let alone in front of our parents. We may want to portray ourselves as perfect and happy through it all, but it’s unrealistic. If you feel you need to impress your parents in every aspect, it can be hard to be open and honest.
Good parents want to know how their children are feeling. If they aren’t happy in their lives, they likely want to be there to support them. They know they raised them right when they feel comfortable opening up to them about what in their life is making them unhappy.
4. ‘That hurt my feelings’
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Not all parents foster a healthy environment to talk about their feelings. They may believe that their adult children have to put up with whatever they do or say. If they’re told something they did upset them, it might make them lash out and become defensive. However, if a parent did an exceptional job raising their children, they know they can always come to them with their true feelings.
If parents are open and hold themselves accountable, their adult children will likely tell them how they feel. They know they aren’t perfect, and that their behavior affects their kids, even if they are adults themselves. Having an open and honest conversation is important, and it is only an option when they raise their children correctly.
5. ‘I’m scared’
Admitting you’re scared as an adult isn’t easy. It might be embarrassing to share with others, even your own parents. Adulthood is scary. From unexpected bills to complicated relationships, life’s unknowns can make things difficult to navigate. Many of us want to convince others that we have our lives together. If something is scaring us, it’s a sign we don’t. We may not want our parents to know that.
Those who raised their adult children in a healthy environment likely make them feel safe to talk about the hard stuff. They know that life can be unpredictable and scary. Good parents are there for their children and provide support.
6. ‘I’m doing something you might not approve of’
We don’t want to let our parents down. When we’re doing something we think they might be ashamed of, it might be natural to pull away. Likely, you don’t want them to know what’s going on. This isn’t always something serious. Sometimes, it’s the person you date or the job you have. If you’re afraid to tell your parents these things, they may not have created a space for open conversation while they were raising you.
On the other hand, some parents want to have conversations with their adult children who are doing things they might not approve of. Likely, they want to understand where they are coming from. Maybe their minds will change if they hear them out.
7. ‘I’m living my own life now’
Some parents can remain controlling even as their children become adults of their own. They want to play a role in their decision-making, no matter how old they are. This can be difficult to deal with. It makes them feel that although they are grown up, they are still being parented. Many parents who treat their children like this likely wouldn’t take ‘I’m living my own life now’ well. It may be hard to let them take the reins in their own lives.
Parents who raised their adult children well likely do not want to overstep their boundaries. They know they can’t influence them the way they did when they were children. If they say these words to them, they’ll understand they might need to back off and let them have their own independence.
8. ‘I need some independence’
Adult children need independence. While they may keep their parents involved in their lives, they can’t rely on them for everything. Some parents may not think their adult children are capable of taking care of themselves. They want to provide them with all the resources they can. This is a kind gesture, but it’s not sustainable. Parents with good intentions want to raise their children to be strong and independent individuals.
Enabling adult children will only get them so far. If good parents hear their children ask for independence, they know it’s in their best interest to give them the space to think for themselves.
9. ‘I’m getting a divorce’
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Divorce is serious. It can be especially difficult when children are involved. When a marriage ends, it can make someone feel like they’re a failure. Navigating this period of their life isn’t easy, and they may want to hide away from the world. If parents put a lot of pressure on marriage and family standards, it can make their adult children afraid to turn to them during something difficult, like a divorce.
Good parents want what’s best for their children, even if it’s not the decision they would personally have made. Those who did an exceptional job raising their kids accept them for who they are. Likely, they’d support them through a divorce, rather than being disappointed in them for leaving the relationship.
10. ‘I feel lost’
I’ll be the first person to admit that I’ve spent years of my life feeling lost. It’s hard to find a purpose. This feeling can be all-consuming and deeply affect your mental health. Some parents provide more support in these moments than others do. The pressure to succeed can be overwhelming, and admitting they feel lost might not be a welcome conversation. It could lead to arguments that strain their relationship.
Supportive parents have raised their kids exceptionally well. When they hear their kids say this, they want to help as much as they can. They’re not going to be hard on them or place more pressure on their shoulders to figure things out. Instead, they want to help guide them where they can. They likely have a strong parent-child relationship.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
