If A Man Isn't Willing To Have These 11 Conversations, He's Likely Not A Very Good Person
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Healthy relationships don't survive on chemistry alone. They survive on honest, sometimes uncomfortable conversations about commitment, emotional needs, boundaries, money, and the future. Not everyone wakes up excited to have those talks, but avoiding them doesn't make problems disappear; it just delays the truth.
If a man isn't willing to sit down and have real conversations about where you stand, what he wants, or how he handles conflict, that says something important about his emotional maturity. A partner who intentionally avoids serious topics isn't ready for a healthy relationship, no matter how charming he seems. If you notice he keeps changing the subject, deflecting, or shutting down entirely, ask yourself whether he's capable of being the kind of partner you need.
If a man isn't willing to have these 11 conversations, he's likely not a very good person:
1. Commitment
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We’ve all met a man who seems to be allergic to commitment. He’s not ready to settle down with just one person. He loves to play the field, and he likely doesn’t mind whose heart he breaks in the process. If he refuses to have conversations about commitment or where you stand in your relationship, he may not be a good person. He is pushing your feelings aside to support his needs.
Some men fear being controlled. They may pull back from commitment. Instead of being vulnerable about this, they may avoid the conversation completely. Instead, they make themselves seem like a bad person who don’t care about the women in their lives.
2. Emotional needs
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Some men will avoid sharing their feelings at all costs. Instead of having a difficult conversation about what they need, they will avoid it completely. As a result, not only are they neglecting their own feelings, but they are not taking their partners’ into consideration. It’s something that makes them seem like a bad person. A man like this is not easy to be in a relationship with.
By not talking about their feelings, they are making their partner seem like the bad guy. They come across as emotionally detached, which causes more issues in their relationship than needed.
3. Boundaries
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Boundaries are the foundation of every healthy relationship. They keep us from giving too much of ourselves to our partner. They also prevent us from being taken advantage of. If a man is unwilling to talk about boundaries, you can expect he won’t follow yours. He may want to get as much out of you as he can without returning the favor.
"Healthy emotional boundaries mean you value your own feelings and needs, and you're not responsible for how others feel or behave. Boundaries allow you to let go of worrying about how others feel and place accountability squarely with the individual," says Sharon Martin, LCSW, for Psych Central. If a man isn’t willing to take your boundaries seriously, he is likely a bad person.
4. Accountability
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A good man will always hold himself accountable for his actions. He will acknowledge when he hurts his partner and give a genuine apology. If a man refuses to take a close look at his behavior, he is likely not a very good person. This type of man doesn’t make a great partner. Instead of holding themselves accountable, they will likely point the finger at you.
They’ll use any excuse in the book to get out of owning their bad behavior. Whether they place the blame on you or try to say what they did wasn’t wrong, it’s draining to be with someone who refuses to have a conversation about taking accountability. This person will often leave you feeling disappointed and hurt.
5. Past relationships
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A man’s dating history says a lot about him. If he claims that he doesn’t want to talk about it, he likely has excuses that make him look like he was never the problem. It’s easy for some men to play it off as if all of their exes are ‘crazy.’ It’s another way for them to dodge accountability. If your partner is refusing to share information about their past relationships, you may conclude that they are not a very good person.
Sometimes, it could be a sign that they are still invested in an ex. Other times, it may be a way to protect their ego. They don’t want to admit that they hurt people or have a questionable track record with love.
6. Money
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Finances are a difficult topic to talk about. It might be something we may wish to keep to ourselves. Whether we are embarrassed by how little we make or are looking to protect our riches, talking about finances can get tricky. However, it’s an important conversation to have when in a relationship. The person you’re seeing needs to understand what’s going on in your world.
Of course, refusing to disclose finances doesn’t always make a man a bad person. It’s an issue when there is lying or refusal to come clean about certain things. If a man is unwilling to share this aspect of his life with you while you are dating him, it could be a red flag.
7. Future plans
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When in a relationship, you need to come together on plans. Being on the same page is important. A relationship will not work if two people want very different things. Most of the time, we expect our partners to include us in their future. If a man refuses to include you or talk to you about his intentions at all, he may not be a very good person.
If a man refuses to include you in his future but still keeps you around, they are likely manipulating you until something better comes around. It can be difficult to come to terms with. You’ll learn quickly that he has bad intentions.
8. Family dynamics
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When you are in a relationship with a man, it’s important to know what you are getting into. Whether he has complicated relationships with his parents or children from previous relationships, he needs to be upfront about his family dynamics. He owes you that. If he refuses to talk to you about it, it may be that he is hiding something. This can be a sign that he isn’t serious about his relationship with you.
This type of man may not be a very good person. Why would he feel the need to keep his family situation to himself? There may be more going on here, and it’s important to keep that in mind when seeing a man like this.
9. Conflict management
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Everyone gets into disagreements. It’s part of life. We are never going to see eye to eye with everyone in our lives. Even the people we love, we will butt heads with at some point. What matters most in these moments is conflict resolution. To cool down a heated conversation, you both have to be on the same page.
Settling arguments takes a similar approach from both people. If a man isn’t willing to work through moments of conflict, he’s likely not a very good person.
10. Difficult situations
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When you are in a relationship, difficult moments will arise. We all go through loss of loved ones, jobs, and other painful situations where we need support. If someone isn’t able to provide this in a relationship, it is clear they are not a good partner and may not be a good person. Providing support is one of the most important things we can do for the people we love. A man who isn’t willing to have conversations about difficult situations is showing you how little he cares.
It’s sadly not uncommon to feel unsupported in a relationship. Several factors go into this. What matters most is when a man makes the effort. If your partner doesn’t, he is not a very good person.
11. Goals
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If you are not included in a man’s goals, it’s clear he is not serious about the relationship. In a healthy relationship, each partner knows what is going on in the other person’s life. If a man refuses to have these conversations with you, it’s a red flag. He may be planning to leave the relationship or see himself with someone else in the future. Whatever the reasoning, if he refuses to talk about his hopes and goals with you, it’s not a good sign.
Some men may keep you at arm's length. They want to keep you around, but don’t want to bother themselves by including you in everything. He may not be willing to let you in, which is a sign that he is not a very good person to try to settle down with.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
