How To Argue With Him The Right Way, Based On His Conflict Management Style

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The Psychology Of Relationship Conflict Styles

For those who take their participation in relationships seriously, having a firmer command of the psychology of how the mind works can help when it comes to interacting with others. Fighting in relationships is normal, and as long as you fight the right way, it doesn't mean your relationship will end. 

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There are five conflict management styles. None of them are wrong, as long as each person in the relationship understand why the other person is arguing the way they are.  Knowing (and truly understanding) his conflict management style will help you resolve your arguments quicker and lead to more productive outcomes while keeping your relationship strong.

Here's how to fight in a relationship based on conflict management style. 


We all tend to do a bit of this. However, within the psychology of conflict management, avoiders tend to need time and space to figure things out.

When dealing with someone with the tendency to avoid conflict, give them space but provide the knowledge that the issues need to be dealt with at a future, predetermined date and time. This allows for those with this style to have plenty of time to get in the proper frame of mind.


Harmonizers tend to be very concerned with the overall welfare of the relationship and will sacrifice their own peace of mind for the welfare of the union between the parties involved. Typically not assertive, the harmonizer may use phrases like, "Whatever you say is fine with me as long as you are happy."

It is the little things that tend to matter in the discourse of these conflicts. Positive, meaningful gestures, notes of kindness, etc. will go a long way towards creating the type of environment a harmonizer needs to be in when resolving relationship conflicts.


Individuals with Type A personalities often tend to be of the directing conflict stylists in their relationships. Directors are relatively assertive and less interested in the relationship than coming to a resolution to the problem — more specifically, working things out their way.

When dealing with this style, if one does not consider themselves as a director as well, asking for time and space to reflect on current affairs is acceptable. As long as the agreement to come back together for discussion at the agreed upon time is upheld, most directors can deal with delays without the need to fix things in their own way and in their own time.

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This is a laid-back conflict style and more middle of the road. Most compromising individuals have desires to get what they want but are willing to give if the other party demonstrates a similar willingness to give as well. The overriding thought process among these types of individuals is that no one gets everything they want, so compromising one's desires is perfectly acceptable in order to resolve the contention.


Though assertive, cooperators tend to also be very concerned with the status of the relationship and approach conflict resolution from this frame of mind. These individuals have no problem stating how they would like to resolve issues but are caring enough to the other parties to ask for their input and desires in making things better.

The act of being able to quickly identify and understand how someone is likely to react to a conflict has the benefit of providing intellectual smoothness to the corresponding discord between the two. Getting to know the above styles of conflict management should provide one with the confidence to effectively work through nearly all situations which may arise in one’s life.

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Andy West is a freelance writer that is getting his masters while writing articles about food and nutrition, relationships, and spirituality.