Men Who Love Deeply But Guard Themselves Carefully Usually Do These 11 Odd-Feeling Things
AlevtinaGorskaya / Shutterstock Being vulnerable is not easy. For some men, it can feel impossible to break down that barrier. They’ve been taught from a young age to stay stoic. Showing how deeply they love someone may make them feel weak.
They may keep themselves guarded because they have been hurt before. When someone keeps their feelings bottled up out of necessity, it may be a coping mechanism. They’ve let themselves feel vulnerable with someone, only to be hurt. Now, even if they feel deeply for someone, they may guard themselves carefully. Most women would understand this if it were explained to them. Instead, it can be revealed in these odd-feeling behaviors that leave you wondering where they stand altogether.
Men who love deeply but guard themselves carefully usually do these 11 odd-feeling things
1. They seek reassurance
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If someone is afraid of being hurt, they may need reassurance that everything is going well. They may find comfort in hearing their partner remind them how they feel about them. Seeking reassurance in a relationship isn’t always an issue. It feels good to hear words of affirmation from your partner. However, a man who loves deeply but protects himself may become compulsive about his need for reassurance.
It can be odd when someone is always asking for clarification about your feelings. It may be how he keeps his feelings safe. He doesn’t want to be hurt and finds it comforting to hear his partner confirm how they feel about him.
2. They open up selectively
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Sometimes, a man who cares deeply but wants to protect himself will open up selectively. When he begins to feel comfortable, he may start to share little things. It could be a story from his childhood or how something made him feel. This little tidbit of information will make you feel closer to him. It can make you wonder why he can’t share things with you like this often. You’ll notice there are rare moments where he feels he can share more about himself than usual.
This behavior can be odd. It may seem like he is playing hard to get. It could be something deeper that is holding him back.
3. They randomly become distant
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When you are dating a man who loves deeply but guards himself carefully, you can have moments that feel like breakthroughs. He is active in your life. He replies to texts promptly. He may even start sharing personal information with you that he kept to himself out of fear of being hurt. Suddenly, you’ll notice he is pulling away again. He stops responding as much and may make less effort to spend time with you. It can be painful.
If this happens, it may be a way that he is guarding himself. If he feels too close to you, it can scare him. Instead of continuing to share with you, he shuts down out of fear. It may be that he doesn’t think he’s good enough, or he is anxious about being hurt. It can be easier for him to distance himself.
4. They show love through their actions
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Sharing how you feel about something is difficult. Being vulnerable takes serious work. Even if we love someone deeply, sharing our feelings can be overwhelming. If a man loves deeply but is guarded, he may show his love through actions rather than words. This can be odd at first. You may want to hear him verbalize his feelings. While you appreciate the gestures, sometimes we want more from our partners.
We’ve all heard the term that actions speak louder than words. For men, it can be especially true. Whether they fill up your gas tank for you or show extra affection one evening, these little things show how they feel. It may be nice to have it said out loud, but when someone is guarded, this might be how they show their love best.
5. The pull away after a moment of vulnerability
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If you’re in a relationship with a man who struggles with sharing his emotions because his guard is up, sharing a moment of vulnerability can be important. It can feel special to have a deep moment with someone who is reserved. However, it will feel odd if he slowly pulls away after sharing it. Instead of maintaining that moment of closeness, he may push you away. This can be a sign of a push-and-pull relationship.
A partner like this will make you feel close to him by sharing something intimate. He may open up about his relationship with his parents, or tell you a story about something traumatic that happened to him. After he shares, he’ll become distant. It can feel confusing, but it is likely a way he is protecting himself.
6. They ask for loyalty
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In a relationship, loyalty likely comes naturally. You become devoted to your partner. Typically, your partner will become the person you turn to for everything. If someone is constantly asking for loyalty, it may feel odd. It is usually expected in a relationship. A man who says things like this could be guarded. They love you and want to know that the feeling is mutual.
In reality, a man like this may be afraid you would be unfaithful. He wants to know that you will stay loyal to him. He loves you and is afraid you may not be as loyal as he is.
7. They are protective
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A man may show his love for someone by being protective. It can feel odd to have someone seem so worried about you. They’re always looking out for you and want to make sure you are safe. It may feel overwhelming. However, this may be the easiest way he can show he cares.
He wants to keep you safe, which is a sign of his deep love. Since he is guarded, he will show his love with actions rather than words.
8. They subtly test you
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If a man is subtly testing you, it may be a sign that he loves deeply but is on guard. He wants to be certain that you love him. He can ask certain questions to gain reassurance. Since he is guarded, he is likely afraid of being hurt. Seeing you prove your love for him can make him feel more secure. It’s odd, and may not give him the support he is looking for in the long run.
"Testing behaviors are generally attempts to manage these underlying fears. If your partner tests you and you pass, they feel safe. On the contrary, if you fail, it confirms their deepest fear; perhaps that they are forgettable, unworthy, or unimportant," says Mark Travers, Ph.D. "Unfortunately, passing rarely satisfies either partner. The 'examiner' is never fully reassured (because the test can always be made harder next time), and the 'exam-taker' feels increasingly scrutinized and resentful."
9. They seem to be fighting their own feelings
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It can seem like a man is at war with his own feelings when he loves deeply but keeps himself guarded. It’s a conflict of interest. He wants to show how much he loves and cares about you, but he feels he needs to hide his true intentions. It’s not easy for him to let his guard down, even if he wants to. He may be caught in a battle between the type of partner he wants to be and what he thinks he needs to do to keep himself safe.
You may see him start to show signs that he wants to open up. He could be sharing a little more than he did before, but he still keeps you at a distance. It seems like he’s going back and forth in his head. How much is he willing to share while still keeping his guard up? It can be a complicated situation.
10. They are not expressive
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Have you been in a relationship with a man where you knew how he felt about you, but he couldn’t manage to express it? Whether it’s through words or actions, he may seem afraid to open up. It can feel odd to be with someone who struggles to express their emotions. Sharing how they feel about you can be scary. Expressing their love may feel foreign to them. Instead, you can tell they care, but they have a hard time showing it.
Men are taught to be stoic. Showing vulnerability can make them feel weak. They may be afraid to express their true feelings. This is an odd-feeling behavior, and it’s not always easy to navigate it in a relationship.
11. They can randomly shut down
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When someone loves deeply, they may choose to shut down when things get tough. They have their guard up to protect themselves. Arguments can feel difficult to have. He may randomly shut down to prevent himself from being hurt. It’s odd and can be difficult to navigate.
"A very common communication snafu happens when one member of a couple shuts down emotionally during an argument and stops talking. This can happen at any point in the discussion and often occurs rather rapidly," says Guy Winch, Ph.D., for Psychology Today. A man may shut down to protect himself, especially when he loves deeply. However, it can make navigating a relationship difficult.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
