Kids With ADHD Who End Up Successful In Life Have Parents Who Did These 5 Things To Help
My Agency via Shutterstock The transition to high school is tough enough as it is, and kids who struggle with ADHD and executive functioning skills have it that much harder. When your kid was little, you were probably much more involved in their schoolwork and in making sure they completed their homework and projects.
But in high school, the responsibility for academics and time management shifts more toward your teen and away from you, as it should. Fortunately, there are a few key ways to support your high schooler with ADHD and help them strengthen their EF competencies.
Kids with ADHD who end up successful in life have parents who did these 5 things to help:
1. Their parents collaborated with them to make an 'action plan'
Work with your child to come up with some possible solutions to common problems. You’re more likely to get your teen’s buy-in if you work with them rather than just tell them what you want done. Ask for your child’s input on where they may need extra help and collaborate on ways to address the issue(s).
Start with one or two of the most important challenges and work through those before taking on additional challenges. Keep in mind that what you think is a good solution may not work for them or happen right away. Be ready to make adjustments and try new things.
If something isn’t working, it’s not a failure. Just like with most things in life, supporting your child is a process of trial and error. So keep at it, and you will find a solution that works.
2. Their parents slowly transitioned time management to their child
Monkey Business Images via Shutterstock
By high school, most kids are capable of managing their time reasonably well. For example, if you’ve served as your child’s alarm clock in middle school, it’s time to pull back and give them ownership of wake-up and bedtime. You can always be their backup, but they should have an alarm clock (or two) and learn the value of getting up on time and how to do it.
Similarly, your high schooler should have some control over when they begin their homework. Leaving it until after dinner may not be the best option, as it can lead to frustration, overwhelm, and staying up late to finish. Work with your child on a reasonable after-school schedule that’s age-appropriate and considers their other activities and other family members’ needs.
Once you have a working plan, support your child in keeping the agreed-upon schedule. Check in with them to see how it’s going and adjust as needed. Provide them with alarms, post-it reminders, daily task lists, or whatever will help them manage their time independently.
3. Their parents helped their kid with ADHD break down time into smaller chunks
When kids with ADHD are tasked with a big school project, they may get so overwhelmed that they won’t know where to begin. Big tasks seem uncomfortable, scary, or even impossible at the start. Explain to your child that this is normal, and even adults go through similar feelings.
Show your teen how to tackle a big project by breaking it down into smaller, more manageable parts. Completing one small chunk of work at a time will help your child feel they’re making progress. It will also help them move from a negative mindset (“I can’t do this! ") to a positive one (“I finished the outline of my essay, so now I can make progress on the first paragraph”). Breaking things down is a huge confidence builder.
4. Their parents offered meaningful incentives
SewCreamStudio via Shutterstock
To encourage your teen to manage their time, keep track of deadlines, and be more responsible for their obligations, figure out some good incentives together. The best motivators are those that work for your child.
If they are social, being allowed to hang out with friends for earned extra time on the weekend is a great incentive to finish their homework beforehand. If they are looking forward to seeing a movie with you, use that to motivate them to hand in all their homework the day before. Meaningful incentives, chosen with collaboration, are most effective and rewarding.
5. Their parents celebrated their ADHD child's success
It’s easy to get caught up in task lists and problem-solving, but do make time to take a break and celebrate your child’s successes, no matter how small. Kids with ADHD have a tendency to perceive themselves in a negative light, as not being good enough or lacking certain skills that seem to come easily to others.
So when your child gets something right, tell them you’re proud, encourage them, and celebrate their accomplishments and gifts. This will build their self-esteem and, in turn, their resilience. Noticing what is going well helps kids become more confident to succeed in and outside of school.
Sharon Saline, Psy.D., is an international lecturer and workshop facilitator. She has focused her work on ADHD, anxiety, learning differences, and mental health challenges and their impact on the school and family dynamics for more than 30 years.
