Meet The 3 Kinds Of Holiday Bullies Who Bring Big Grinch Energy To Every Gathering
Mike Cox | Unsplash The holidays are meant to be joyful, but we all know there's usually that one person who seems determined to dampen the festive spirit. The good news is that recognizing these personality types can help you protect your peace and enjoy the season anyway. Once you know what kind of Grinch you're dealing with, you can navigate tricky social situations without letting anyone — including your own kids — steal your holiday cheer.
Meet the 3 kinds of holiday bullies who bring big grinch energy to every party:
1. The defiant bully
They demand gifts and feel entitled. (“I deserve this, you owe me.”) Engages in blackmail and threats to wear away parents’ resolve. Eventually, parents buy gifts to buy peace. But it’s never enough. The more parents give, the less these kids will appreciate and the more they will demand.
A University of Missouri study found that children who receive excessive material rewards grow up to be more prone to credit card debt, gambling, and compulsive shopping as adults. The research shows that no matter how much parents give these entitled kids, they feel they deserve more and remain chronically unsatisfied.
2. The anxious bully
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Equates gifts with love. Constantly feels deprived, compares and despairs with peers, worries about not having enough, and fears being left out or forgotten. Guilts and shames parents into buying more.
Children with anxious attachment styles, research shows, equate material gifts with love and constantly fear being deprived or forgotten. These kids develop a deep fear of abandonment that drives them to guilt and shame parents into providing more because they believe gifts prove they are worthy of affection.
3. The manipulative bully
Exploits parents’ insecurities by engaging in lies and manipulations to get what he or she wants. Knows exactly which buttons to push to make parents feel insecure. Does anything to achieve his or her gift goals. But be warned: Even after manipulative bullies get what they want, they immediately start plotting for more.
Research found that even young children can identify and play on others' weaknesses to get what they want. These manipulative tactics become more sophisticated as kids grow older, and they learn exactly which buttons to push to make parents feel insecure or give in to their demands.
The good news is that you don't have to let difficult personalities ruin your celebrations. Research has concluded that parents who effectively set boundaries have children who report higher levels of self-esteem, reduced anxiety, and more satisfying parent/child relationships overall.
Remember that protecting your peace isn't selfish but actually allows you to show up as your best self for the people who truly matter. This holiday season, give yourself permission to step away from negativity and focus on the moments and people that bring you genuine joy.
Sean Grover is a psychotherapist, speaker, and author with 25 years of experience working with adults and children.
