If Your Wife Uses These 11 Phrases, She’s Already Checked Out Of The Marriage
Its hard to get her back when it reaches this point.
michaelheim / Shutterstock There are specific phrases that won't be hard to tell that a wife is currently checking herself out of a marriage. The tone and lack of eye contact when she says these are also significant factors in how emotionally disconnected she really is.
She tends to say things that, earlier in the relationship, might have sparked a concern or led to a meaningful conversation. Now, though, she's delivering these words in a casual, nonchalant tone that seems to say, "I'm just itching for a fight to get a reaction and see if he's truly engaged."
If your wife uses these 11 phrases, she's already checked out of the marriage
1. 'I don't care anymore'
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When your wife says this to your face, she quite literally could not care less. She doesn't care where you decide to go out to eat, and she doesn't care when you apologize for a dismissive comment you made about her. Why doesn't she care anymore? Because she's already mentally clocked out, and nothing else in the relationship matters more to her than finding ways to get out of it.
Saying that she doesn't care about things in the relationship anymore is also a quiet signal that there isn't an emotional connection. This is one of the signs that a relationship is at the point of no return, according to a relationship counseling organization.
2. 'Do whatever you want'
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What was once a loving relationship in which the husband and wife happily did everything together and communicated to reach a common agreement is now a relationship in which one doesn't care what the other is doing. They could care even less whether they were doing it with them or not.
When a wife tells her husband to do whatever he wants, not only is she giving up having a say, but she's also letting him know that she'd rather let him figure things out on his own than as partners. This phrase is also commonly used as a test to see if the man still cares about what the woman wants to do, but more often than not, it's a test that's failed.
3. 'It's fine, just forget it'
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This phrase is often a plea for a man to listen to his wife, but when she says it with such nonchalance, she might actually mean it. When it reaches the point of her waving off what could have been a discourse, like when he forgets something important to her, she doesn't love him enough anymore to care. He's just a stranger to her again, and why would she get mad at a stranger?
When a wife's communication pattern changes, such as there not being any at all, it's a clear sign that her love for her husband is gone. "The opposite of love isn't hate, but indifference," says Vikas Keshri, clinical director of Bloom Clinical Care.
4. 'I'm just tired'
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When a wife says this, it doesn't always mean she's tired physically, but mentally, she's tired of going through the same arguments and conversations that lead nowhere. A simple conversation that she would've loved to engage in a couple of years ago now seems like a hassle, and she would rather spend that time by herself instead of with her husband.
This phrase can also indicate that a wife has endured enough toxic behaviors in a marriage that she no longer has the mental energy for simple things like sitting together to watch a movie or going to the farmers' market on a Sunday morning.
5. 'I don't know how I'm supposed to feel anymore'
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In disagreements, a wife might have learned that certain reactions make her husband happier and more content than others, and so she's taken it upon herself to adopt these behaviors and statements that keep him satisfied, so no arguments occur. But after a couple of months or even years of this, she starts to realize she's lost the ability to feel and react for herself, not for others to feel better.
This phrase gets muttered when she realizes she's lost her sense of self. Why would a wife stay in a marriage where everything she does is for the comfort of the other person and not for herself? This is when you would see a wife start to check herself out of that marriage.
6. 'I need space'
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It's healthy to want some time for yourself and your own hobbies in a relationship, but when a wife starts to tell her husband she needs space from him specifically, it could signal that the marriage is doomed to come to an end. The less time she wants to spend with her husband, the more checked out of the marriage she is.
The reason why she would ask for space is that she might feel overwhelmed by the marriage, either from arguments or realizing that their love wasn't meant to last forever. There are certain bumps in a relationship that lead a partner to realize that, instead of saying "I do," they should've just remained casual.
7. 'What's the use?'
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When a wife starts to question if the marriage is even worth fighting for, it's one of the most obvious signs that she's checked out of the relationship. She would rather go through lawyers and divorce proceedings than deal with her husband's constant whining and arguing.
Dr. Mark Travers writes that when a partner stops being emotionally responsive, it's a sign they have checked out.
"Arguments no longer escalate because the other person no longer cares enough to argue," Travers says.
8. 'It shouldn't be this hard'
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Marriage has its ups and downs, after all, that's what makes their communication and relationship stronger than before. But sometimes, when the easiest decisions escalate into unnecessary arguments, it shows that the marriage is failing. When a wife pulls out this phrase in the middle of a conversation, she's telling her husband that these petty discourses are causing her to check out of the marriage.
There is such a thing as working too hard at a relationship. Sometimes you need to know when to call it quits for the sake of your mental health.
Dr. Tyler Jamison talks about when it no longer makes sense to struggle to stay in a relationship, "I think it comes down to taking a big step back and thinking about how the relationship feels overall. Are you drained and exhausted by the relationship?"
9. 'Whatever you say'
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Instead of going against what her husband says or standing up for herself, the marriage has weighed her down to the point that she has no more energy to fight back. She lets herself go with whatever he says because she's found it easier than to start a fight that she knows will result in her being framed as the bad guy.
Over time, this constant repression of her own needs and opinions has left her feeling invisible in the relationship. She learns that her voice doesn't matter to him anymore, and he only cares about what she has to say when she agrees with him. He doesn't care to listen to what else she has to say anymore, and she knows that.
10. 'I don't trust you'
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Trust is the foundation of any relationship, let alone a marriage, so when a wife says that she doesn't trust her husband, whether that's to pick up groceries or to treat her the way she's supposed to be treated, she's checked out of the marriage, and it'll be hard to get her back.
Though lack of trust may stem from a deeper traumatic problem from before the relationship even started, when it starts to evolve during the marriage, it's likely due to the husband and how he treats his wife. Often, rebuilding trust is difficult when the other person refuses to admit how they hurt someone. Trust can't be restored without honesty about what initially broke it.
11. 'Why am I even saying this to you'
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A wife who is already checked out of a marriage will often ask herself why she even bothers trying to talk to her husband about anything. She catches herself talking to him about how her day went when she realizes that he's not even paying attention. She finds that talking to herself is better than talking to someone who doesn't even look at her when she's talking and uses grunts as a response.
When a husband doesn't seem interested in his wife, her hobbies, or what occupies her day, their relationship can end quickly. Caring about mundane things goes a long way.
In the end, it takes very little to keep a wife engaged and feeling valued in a marriage, from talking about her weird encounter at the grocery store to thanking her for all the sacrifices she makes for him. If your wife says these phrases on a daily basis, it's time to have a conversation with her and ask what you can do to make her feel seen again.
Doreen Albuerne is a writer with a bachelor's degree in journalism, covering relationships, mental health, and lifestyle topics.
