Men Who Hyper-Focus On A Woman's Faults More Than Anything Positive Usually Have These 11 Reasons
Don’t allow a man to nitpick the soul out of you.
Sara Corso / Shutterstock Back in the day, I was dating a guy who would always find a way to find fault with me. Whether it was what I wore, what I ate, or what I said, it was never enough. Over time, I've learned it wasn't about me, as men who hyper-focus on a woman's faults more than they do on anything positive usually have reasons that are all about them.
At first, I wanted to impress him, but after a while, I just felt the life draining out of my eyes whenever I saw him. We broke up, primarily because the constant focus on my flaws became abusive. It was awful, but the entire thing was a learning experience. After a while, I realized the problem was that men who behave this way are really just focused on themselves.
Men who hyper-focus on a woman's faults more than anything positive usually have these 11 reasons
1. He got into the Red Pill world
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I’m not alone when I say that the Red Pill ideology is one of the most dangerous things to happen to dating in modern history. The Red Pill is an online movement that swears it helps men get girlfriends and happy relationships. In reality, it’s a poison pill that tends to imbue men with a deep-seated hatred for women.
The Red Pill tends to encourage men to look at women’s flaws, both real and perceived, as a way to dismiss women in general. Unfortunately, it can take years of unbuilding that belief system before a man stops that behavior.
2. He might be a little deluded about what he deserves
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Speaking of the Red Pill, let’s talk about another effect that often comes with being permanently online. The Internet has a weird way of warping one’s perceptions of how life is supposed to go. It’s a commonly known fact that social media tends to exaggerate life.
With that exaggeration comes unusual expectations of what we allegedly deserve. This is why we see folks who want to date millionaire supermodels despite having nothing to offer. It’s not just a gendered thing either. It happens with both male and female daters.
3. He also could be lying about the critique on purpose
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The Red Pill doesn’t just warp the way guys see women. It also alters the way they treat them, and not for the better. One of the most well-known examples of this is called “negging,” or criticizing a woman in (what was supposed to be) a playful way to make them feel insecure.
The idea behind it is simple: it makes women feel they are not good enough, which triggers people-pleasing behaviors. Negging is a very subtle, nuanced form of verbal abuse. If you suspect this to be the case, run!
4. You reflect something he hates in himself
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It’s often said that we are our own worst critics, right? If he’s a narcissist, the worst thing a woman can do is hold up a proverbial mirror to his face. A narcissist will always pick apart women who make him look at his own flaws.
If you’re similar to him in certain respects, his hyper-focused disdain of you could be a warning sign of a guy you don’t want to be around. It’s a sign that he views you as a mirror or a foil to his own character.
5. Trauma might have made him hateful of women
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Misogyny isn’t always taught and spread through internet forums. Some men become this way because they had horrible experiences around women when they were growing up, with their mothers often being one of the first examples of this.
Guys who zero in on very specific flaws often do so because of how they were treated earlier. They haven’t coped with what happened. Otherwise, the habit would likely have faded away.
6. You might be triggering a pet peeve or sensory issue of his
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Here’s a true story about my life: this one guy I knew absolutely zeroed in on two flaws of mine: my loud voice and my brash behavior. I thought he was picking me apart. The truth is, he found my mannerisms incredibly unsettling. It upset him, and I had no idea those were his triggers until someone pulled me aside when I asked what was going on.
If he keeps mentioning only one or two issues, it could be that you tend to do things that grate his nerves without realizing it.
7. He might want an excuse not to approach you
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One of the more unusual reasons why a man might hyper-focus on a woman’s flaws, or even make some up altogether, deals with his own insecurity. Guys get intimidated by women they find beautiful, talented, or smarter than they are.
Guys who have insecurity and machismo want to avoid losing face around their friends and others, especially when it comes to matters of women. A common way for insecure guys to handle this is to make up a bunch of flaws about a girl, just so they can say, “Eh, I can do better.” It’s their way of avoiding making the effort.
8. He’s not into women but not ready to admit it
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As Medium writer Ava Thompson notes, some men aren’t ready to be open about this quite yet. This can lead to behaviors that are a bit puzzling, hypocritical, and downright odd. However, they all tend to have the same intended effect: deny their feelings for men while pushing women away.
Guys who are not ready to come to terms with their preferences tend to make excuses or overcorrect their behavior. It’s possible that the guy who’s nitpicking every girl in sight is doing so as a way to appear like he wants to date girls but can’t find “the one.”
9. He doesn’t want you to know that he likes you
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Do you remember the hit '90s show, The Nanny? If you haven’t watched the show, I’ll fill you in on two characters: Niles the Butler and Cici Babcock, the Broadway producer’s personal assistant. The two characters were always talking about how much they hated each other, especially Niles.
Then he told Cici that he loved her. The show wrapped up with them getting together. Weird as it is, I’ve had relationships like that happen. And while it didn’t work out, it did explain why we acted the way we did with one another.
10. They may have mental health issues that haven't been treated
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When doctors try to diagnose people with a mental disorder, they often ask about obsessive behaviors or intrusive thoughts. This is because obsessive behaviors, including hyper-focusing on flaws instead of qualities, can be a sign of a large span of different disorders.
A guy who does this could have OCD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or he could simply be on the spectrum. Not every diagnosis is, per se, a necessary red flag. So, try to take it in stride, if you can.
11. He's insecure
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Almost everyone has met someone who has been rude and cutting to others. People like this generally behave that way because they are deeply insecure about their standing with others. By pushing others down, they try to make themselves big. It makes them feel in control. In his mind, he’s just taking you down a notch. In reality, he’s just insecure and doesn’t deserve the time of day.
Being insecure doesn’t give anyone a pass at being verbally abusive or cruel to others. So, don’t excuse that away. If you start to notice that a man is overly criticizing your faults, don't take it personally at first. They might just be doing it because there's something deeply wrong with them, not with you.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
