Men Who Just Can’t Make It Work With Anyone Tend To Have These 7 Blind Spots
It's not that he doesn't want love; it's that he doesn't know how to get out of his own way.
Levi Stute | Unsplash Why do some guys stay chronically single? According to a study from the University of Nicosia in Cyprus, scientists led by Menelaos Apostolou anonymously quizzed and analyzed more than 6,700 comments from men on Reddit to know the most common reasons why some men can't find a partner, no matter how much they put themselves out there.
Finding rich, meaningful connections is one of life's greatest challenges, and when relationships consistently don't work out, it's natural to wonder why. Whether you're someone working through your own relationship patterns or hoping to understand the men in your life better, recognizing these eight common blind spots can be transformative.
Men who just can’t make it work with anyone tend to have these 7 blind spots:
1. They have poor self-esteem
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Men who thought they looked bad or didn't like the look of themselves, particularly if they were balding or were too short, said that a woman wouldn't want to be with them. Men's negative self-perception about baldness and height can create psychological barriers in dating.
Research shows that men with hair loss, especially young men, feel old and unattractive and fear rejection when looking for a partner. These beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies. Men who view themselves as less attractive due to hair loss or shorter stature often experience relationship insecurity and jealousy. This creates a blind spot that prevents them from recognizing that confidence and personality matter far more than these physical traits.
Lots of men also admitted to being single because of low self-esteem and not having a lot of confidence in themselves. But this can be easily changed if you alter your mindset and see yourself in a different way.
Psychotherapist Susan Saint-Welch points out that we tend to choose people to date who have about the same self-esteem level as we do, meaning men with low self-worth often end up in relationships that reinforce rather than challenge their negative self-perception. The shift from self-criticism to self-acceptance isn't instantaneous, but recognizing that your worth exists independently of your relationship status is the first crucial step toward building genuine confidence.
2. They put in little to no effort
Not surprisingly, lots of men also reported having little to low effort in wanting or maintaining a relationship, and weren't putting themselves out there to potential daters. The willingness to invest time, energy, and genuine effort into building and maintaining relationships is a strong predictor of romantic success.
Studies on attachment and dating patterns reveal that attachment avoidance is associated with a decreased likelihood of entering a committed relationship, with some men essentially avoiding the vulnerable work of relationship initiation altogether.
3. They have a fear of commitment
Unfortunately, some men just don't have any interest in being in a relationship and prefer the single life. Licensed marriage and family therapist Larry Cappel explains that commitment-phobic men have no intention of committing, and their own negative self-beliefs about commitment, love, and relationships guarantee the relationship won't last.
According to Cappel, when a truly commitment-phobic man starts hearing requests for more commitment, trying to convince him otherwise won't work, and staying in hopes that he'll change his mind will only delay your ability to find someone whose vision for the future actually aligns with yours.
4. Flirting doesn't come naturally to them
Some men are natural flirters, but for others, it can be very hard to flirt with women. This is due to nerves or the inability to pick up on signals. Flirting effectively requires decoding a complex web of subtle social signals, and research reveals many men genuinely struggle with this skill.
Researchers at the University of Kansas found that people correctly identified flirtation only about 28% of the time, and that men are particularly likely to see behaviors as more flirtatious and seductive than women do, suggesting they have a harder time knowing if a woman is actually flirting or just being friendly.
5. They are very inward-leaning when it comes to relationships
For natural introverts, dating can feel difficult. These individuals might prefer to stay single and be alone. But sometimes it's best to try something out of your comfort zone. For introverts, dating can feel overwhelming because their emotional "gas station" lies inside of them, requiring freedom from external distractions to solve problems and integrate experiences, while dating is by nature an external attention grabber.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Perrin Elisha explains that introverts use up their emotional gas while on a date and need time away to refuel, making the dating process more draining than for extroverts, who actually gain energy from social interactions.
6. They're not over an ex
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Breakups aren't overcome instantly, and for this reason, anyone could understand why a guy would want to be single after ending a relationship.
Research shows that healing from a serious relationship typically takes just over six months, though there's no one-size-fits-all answer, and the amount of time varies greatly depending on factors like relationship length and emotional intensity. When a man recognizes he needs time alone to process a breakup, grieve the loss, and rediscover himself outside the relationship, he's demonstrating emotional maturity rather than displaying a blind spot.
7. Their dating experiences have made them cynical and guarded
Now, you can't base every relationship or dating experience on bad relationships from the past. Everyone is different, and you don't have to be so cynical about relationships; instead, keep an open mind.
Carrying bitterness from past relationships into new dating situations creates a self-fulfilling prophecy that sabotages potential connections before they even begin. Love coach Janet Ong Zimmerman advises that you should stop dating if you're burned out or carrying residual baggage from the past, because when you're not having fun, the heavy energy of disappointment and skepticism will repel quality partners.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
