If Your Wife Uses These 11 Phrases, She's Likely Not A Very Good Person
A woman who uses these phrases likely cares more about herself than anyone else.
Diana Shilovskaya / Shutterstock Existing in a disconnected and unhappy marriage often puts wives at risk for health issues like hypertension, according to a study published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, but they’re also often pushed into unhealthy emotional behaviors and rituals that put their inner peace at risk. Coping with resentment and mistrust of a partner can lead good people to transform into bad partners as they deal with emotional turmoil by lashing out and avoiding hard conversations.
Even in subtle conversations and passing interactions, if your wife uses these phrases, she’s likely not a very good person. Or rather, she’s likely not a very good wife, trying to cope with marital problems or internal mental health issues that change her routine and habits.
If your wife uses these 11 phrases, she’s likely not a very good person
1. ‘You’re completely overreacting’
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Gaslighting is often a form of emotional manipulation where one person tries to make another person feel insecure or “crazy” for simply speaking up for themselves or expressing emotions, a diversion from the manipulation they’re actively engaging in.
With phrases like “That’s not what I said” or “You’re completely overreacting,” an unhappy, disconnected wife tries to make her partner feel crazy for simply protecting themselves, to safeguard their own insecurity and emotional fears.
2. ‘You’re lucky I even stick around’
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By trying to isolate their partner and coping with internal disconnection by guilting their partner into impossible standards, if your wife uses a phrase like “You’re lucky I even stick around,” she’s likely not a good person or partner.
Of course, a healthy marriage can often safeguard people from developing mental health concerns that prompt this kind of behavior, but being stuck in a disconnected relationship can exacerbate feelings of uncertainty even further.
3. ‘If you loved me, you’d do it’
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Guilt-tripping behaviors can often exacerbate depression and anxiety in women already struggling in a relationship, yet many rely on them for a sense of comfort in their daily lives. If they don’t feel secure in their relationship or trust that their partner is looking out for their best interests, they cope by using phrases like “If you loved me, you’d do it” to guilt them into following unrealistic expectations.
Of course, love should be unconditional. If there are transactional conversations or standards that require something to be given in exchange for love, that’s not a healthy relationship. That’s a business partnership.
4. ‘You should know how I feel’
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Rather than leaning into uncomfortable conversations about their emotions or getting honest about how they feel, women in unhappy marriages expect their partners to know how they feel. But nobody is a mind reader. They might be able to read nonverbal cues, but if a couple is never spending real quality time together, of course, they’re not going to notice.
That’s part of the reason why emotional regulation is often a predictor of marital satisfaction, according to a study published in Emotion. Partners who have the internal self-awareness to recognize their feelings, the regulation skills to accept them, and the communication skills to express them find themselves in more trusting, open, and connected relationships.
5. ‘You always make it all about you’
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Even if they’re only asking for the bare minimum and a layer of affection in the relationship, a wife who’s both unhappy and a bad person will make their partner feel guilty and insecure for expressing it. “You always make it all about you” is simply an expression of their inner superiority complex. They can’t understand that anyone other than themselves has needs that need to be fulfilled.
As a 2021 study suggests, narcissistic people are often inherently selfish. They operate from a place of insecurity that urges them to deflect and shame others constantly to protect themselves. Even in a long-term relationship, those behaviors still manifest themselves in random ways.
6. ‘Why can’t you be more like him?’
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Social comparison isn’t only the death of personal self-esteem and image. It can also have incredibly harmful consequences for a relationship. According to a study published in Personality and Individual Differences, depression and social comparisons are often intertwined, with the presence of one sparking the apparent risk for the other.
When women compare their partners unfairly and urge them to compare themselves with unreachable standards, they don’t just sabotage their own mental health, but the entire health of the relationship.
7. ‘You always make me act like this’
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Women who struggle with being wrong or don’t feel secure enough to take accountability in their relationships will often use phrases like, “You always make me act like this,” to shift blame from themselves to a partner.
Often a sign of disconnection and impending separation in a marriage, defensiveness is simply a coping mechanism. Women who aren’t comfortable with addressing issues in the moment or admitting that they’re wrong will often rely on defensiveness to cope. However, if they’re truly a selfish, narcissistic person, their lack of accountability stems from sheer insecurity and a need to be right rather than emotional turmoil in another sense.
8. ‘This is why I never tell you anything’
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Relationships should feel like a soft place to land — a place to express emotions, seek support, and be yourself without judgment or fear. However, as Harvard Health experts agree, toxic relationships have one defining feature: they’re quite the opposite.
Not only do partners often avoid conflict, but they also miss out on opportunities to connect with vulnerability and emotional expression. “This is why I never tell you anything,” tries to justify that natural disconnection and blame a partner for not being a safe space, even when both partners are responsible.
9. ‘You’d be lost without me’
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By leveraging their partner’s insecurities, largely those that they indulged in confidence, an unhealthy wife will often try to isolate them from the people who truly care. They’ll use phrases like “You’d be lost without me” and “Nobody would love you” in an attempt to make them easier to manipulate.
Every choice they make and phrase they whisper is a reminder that they’re more selfish than they acknowledge. They care about protecting themselves from looking weak and making their partner easy to manipulate.
10. ‘You’re so weak’
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Many men often appreciate and need their romantic relationships with women more than their female partners do. Of course, everyone gets a lot of value from healthy relationships, but when men have a safe space to open up vulnerably in ways they don’t often have with their friends and loved ones, they have a chance to practice and grow their own emotional intelligence.
However, if a wife uses a phrase like “You’re so weak,” she’s likely not a very good person. She’s weaponizing the same toxic masculinity standards that have caused him to grow emotionally disconnected in the first place, and leveraging it for her own well-being.
11. ‘You can leave, I don’t care’
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By adopting a kind of passivity about their relationship and making their partners feel like nothing, a wife who isn't a very good person will leverage her partner’s insecurities to cope with herself. Her own insecurity and feelings of inadequacy manifest in selfish behaviors in every sense of the word.
They care more about protecting their own feelings and coping with their own turmoil than making their partners feel safe to be themselves.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
