According To Research, One Type Of Love Can Actually Sabotage Success And Happiness
Vital information for anyone struggling in a romantic relationship or getting over a difficult breakup.
Caio | Canva Have you ever been so compelled and obsessed with a lover that it feels like it’s consuming all of your mental energy? Can being addicted to a mate actually make it harder to focus and concentrate on other aspects of your life?
In fact, it can.
One type of love that can actually sabotage success and happiness: 'addictive' love and obsession
A recent study by Giacobbe and colleagues investigated the relationship between symptoms of love addiction and perceived cognitive functioning. In a sample of 600 Italian adults, people with mild to severe symptoms of love addiction reported elevated levels of depression and anxiety compared to those without symptoms of love addiction. Furthermore, those with more severe symptoms of love addiction reported reduced memory functioning and failure to think clearly at work and during normal daily activities compared to those without symptoms of love addiction.
The concept of love addiction is based on research suggesting that the brain can respond to a person or a behavior in much the same way it does to drugs of abuse. For example, people who feel addicted to an ex-love often report highly-distressing obsessive rumination and preoccupation with the ex; cravings for contact with the ex despite negative consequences; feelings of powerlessness/loss of control over their lives; engagement in harmful impulsive and compulsive behaviors; and, a range of intense emotions surrounding the ex (including anxiety, anger, and sadness). In essence, a lover or an ex-lover becomes an addictive stimulus that consumes a person’s time, energy, and attention.
Love addiction and hyper-fixation
Antonio Guillem via Shutterstock
The truth is that all addictive behaviors are associated with a hyper-fixation on an addictive stimulus. That could be a drug, a person, a game, or a slot machine. In essence, the stimulus becomes the central focus of a person’s life and holds supreme value in organizing other aspects of a person’s experience. In that way, an addictive love interest can affect a person’s cognitive functioning. For example, deficits in working memory, difficulty controlling impulses, and concentration struggles have been well documented, in the literature (see: Giacobbe et al., 2004; Zhou et al., 2016; Sanches & John, 2019) as well as emotion dysregulation and distress.
The bottom line is that when we’re hyper-focused on another person, it can be highly preoccupying and distracting from other primary aspects of a person’s life — including things like school activities, hobbies, friends, family, and interests. Cognitive issues with memory and a general lack of focus are reflective of the fact that they are so preoccupied and consumed by thoughts of their mate.
The naked truth
Consistent with the findings of Giacobbe and colleagues, people who report feeling addicted to a mate describe it as highly preoccupying, distressing, and all-consuming of time and energy. If you find yourself struggling in a romantic relationship or to get over a difficult breakup, there are resources to help you through it. Organizations and 12-step support groups like Codependency Anonymous and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous can be helpful.
Dr. Cortney Warren is a Board Certified Clinical Psychologist and expert on eating disorders, self-deception, and the practice of psychotherapy from a cross-cultural perspective.
