Survey Says There's One Morbid Thing People Hardly Ever Talk About Even Though They Think About It All The Time
It's important to talk about the uncomfortable parts of life.
yellowstonedigital | Shutterstock Compared to other countries around the world, America can be somewhat avoidant when it comes to the fragility of life, despite its inevitability. Specifically, Americans are uncomfortable talking about death, especially their own mortality. However, a survey revealed that even though most people are mum's the word when it comes to talking about end-of-life anything, they think about it a whole heck of a lot.
In fact, most people think about death so much that they secretly have their funerals planned down to the last detail. That fact begs the question, why? Why is mortality such a dreaded topic of conversation, and yet it's something we all think about a lot?
A survey found that people hardly ever talk about death, even though they think about it all the time.
Death isn't exactly a fun topic of conversation. Grief simply makes people uncomfortable. The fact remains that it's an inevitable part of life, but that still doesn't make it something people want to talk about. That certainly doesn't mean they don't think about it, however.
In a survey from Talker Research, almost three-quarters of Americans (65%) have already planned their own funerals. That bears repeating. A whopping 65% of people have already planned their own funerals right down to the minute details. They won't talk about their own mortality, but they certainly think about it a whole heck of a lot.
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According to 759 respondents, 29% admitted that they've planned out how they want their end-of-life ceremony to be handled, including 19% who said they know exactly where they want to be buried. Seventeen percent know the type of service they want, including 14% who said they even have the music picked out for the memorial.
Only 35% of those polled said they haven’t given their funeral or death any forethought, but they might be fibbing because it's not exactly something people like to admit to thinking about. Meanwhile, almost one in five (17%) said they think about their own death at least once a day.
People really struggle talking about death, especially with their loved ones.
Despite how many people are thinking about it, death still remains one of the most uncomfortable topics of discussion. Dr. Judith Ausherman of Cleveland State University explained, "Fear of death can be a reason people do not engage in discussing the topic." But she argued that avoiding the topic only makes that fear worse. She noted," familiarity with death could bring a little less fear of the inevitable."
The survey, however, found that death and estate planning are ranked among the top-most difficult or uncomfortable topics to discuss with family (25%). Two-thirds of those polled (64%) have yet to create an estate plan. A little more than one-third (36%) said they plan to do so within the next five years, though 28% said they aren’t planning to make an estate plan period.
Unfortunately, not talking about the frailty of life doesn't make us immortal. Talking about it, however, could make living that much sweeter. Dr. Ausherman quoted the famous psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the developer of the five stages of grief and an expert in studying death and near-death experiences, “It is the denial of death that is partially responsible for people living empty, purposeless lives; for when you live as if you’ll live forever, it becomes too easy to postpone the things you know that you must do. You live your life in preparation for tomorrow or in remembrance of yesterday, and meanwhile, each today is lost.”
It's important that we have difficult conversations about death and grief.
While some people avoid talking about death for fear of the unknown, studies have shown that many people avoid the topic because they don't want to make others uncomfortable. Still, it should be something that we're making less taboo.
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"American culture avoids talking about death, because it forces people to confront vulnerability and a lack of control," said therapist Daniel Rinaldi. "There’s a strong emphasis on youth, productivity, and self-sufficiency, which makes discussions about mortality feel uncomfortable or even taboo."
Rinaldi added that being able to communicate our preferences helps ensure that our wishes are honored and that any burden on our loved ones is eased. "It may feel uncomfortable, but it’s an act of care that brings clarity and peace for everyone involved."
We're not able to predict the future at all, but what we know for sure is that avoiding the topic of death does not prevent it from coming. We're already thinking about it. So, let's have some honest conversations about it. Let's talk about the people we miss. Let's talk about our fears. Let's talk about what we want to happen after we're gone.
Having these difficult conversations can help ease grief and even give us a sense of peace about the inevitable. It's a reality that no one can avoid, and that means we need to talk about it.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
