When A Husband Secretly Regrets Saying 'I Do,' You'll Notice These 11 Small Things
When regret creeps into a marriage, it shows up in these small but obvious ways.
Bbernard | Shutterstock There is so much work that goes into maintaining a relationship. Marriage is difficult, that’s no secret. Two people must be fully dedicated to one another and be willing to do whatever it takes to keep their union in top shape. Even those who do their best to stay together struggle with aspects of marriage. They may even start regretting their trip down the aisle.
For men, it can be especially difficult to open up about their true feelings when it comes to their marriage. Studies have found that men benefit the most from marriage. They experience better health, greater financial success, and need the emotional support from a partner because of outdated social norms. Since connecting emotionally with other men is looked down on in society, men look for all of their needs to be met by their wives. The need for constant companionship may be a reason why men stay in relationships they may regret. Some husbands regret saying ‘I do’ altogether, and they will subtly show how they feel in the way they treat their partner.
When a husband secretly regrets saying 'I do,' you'll notice these 11 small things:
1. His conversations turn shallow
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When a husband secretly regrets walking down the aisle, he’ll show it in the way he talks to his wife. He’ll no longer care to hear about her day. Gone are the days of sitting down at the end of the day and having an intimate conversation. His conversations with her will turn into basic, surface-level communication.
“Deep connection and mutual sharing have a profound impact on both parties in a marriage. While you can’t expect to connect deeply all the time, if your relationship doesn’t reach this level occasionally, you’ll experience loneliness and disconnection,” says Dr. David Hawkins. If all he has to talk to you about is the weather, he may regret saying ‘I do.’
2. He stops sharing about himself
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The once chatty husband who loved to talk about his days at work suddenly grows quiet. Updates on his family become limited. He stops sharing details about his finances. If you notice this behavior from your spouse, he could be finding himself living in regret. This could be a sign that he secretly wishes he had never gotten married.
When someone is unable to open up about themselves and give updates on their life to their wives, it isn’t easy to maintain a relationship. Especially when he was once an open book, shutting down and sharing less can show that he may regret his marriage.
3. He avoids spending time together
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At the beginning of the relationship and early into the marriage, a husband was likely excited to spend time with his wife. They were planning dates and prioritizing quality time. When a rift starts to form in a relationship and he becomes regretful that he settled down with his partner, these sweet moments will become few and far between, if they happen at all.
It’s no surprise that a husband will pull back from his wife when he has lost interest in the relationship. There is no reason to make plans with someone he does not want to spend time with. He is clearly unhappy with the marriage if he isn’t prioritizing his time with her. This could be a tell-tale sign that he regrets saying his vows.
4. It's suddenly all about him
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A marriage is a true partnership. Both people have to be fully involved and invested. When everything turns from ‘them’ to simply being about him, he may secretly regret saying ‘I do.’ If someone stops thinking of themselves as part of a team and instead as a solo performer, it’s clear they’re ready to make a big life change.
“Marriage is a partnership, which means both partners have an equal voice on all decisions in the relationship. In addition, both partners feel like they can influence one another, and there's a spirit of equality in the marriage. This benefits the relationship because both partners feel respected, and it fosters a sense of teamwork,” says Dr. Wyatt Fisher. “Unfortunately, a lot of times one partner doesn't share power. Instead, they suck up all the power and won't listen to their partner, and they do whatever they want. That type of behavior creates problems because it makes the other partner feel voiceless, powerless, and disrespected.” Becoming more self-involved can be a sign that he regrets his marriage.
5. He shows quiet contempt
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When one spouse holds contempt in a marriage, it can be detrimental. If a husband feels he is doing everything he can for his wife and not getting much appreciation back, he’ll begin to hold a grudge towards her. He will not understand why she can’t show him the gratitude he feels he deserves. He will start to wonder why he ever got married to begin with.
“Contempt comes from a place of superiority and makes the other feel inferior. Deep down, it stems from a sense of feeling unappreciated and unacknowledged in the relationship. It can take the form of verbal or non-verbal language, which can include sarcasm, mockery, and facial gestures. Often, partners are unaware of what they said or did, especially contemptuous gestures like an eye roll or chuckle that elicited their partner’s wrath,” says couples therapist Jinashree Rajendrakumar. “Whether in words or behaviors, contempt escalates the conflict situation. It is no longer about the issue that started the argument, but an attack on the worthiness of a person, almost like saying, ‘You are insignificant.;”
6. He pulls away from intimacy
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It’s hard to be in a relationship when someone is no longer willing to give intimacy or affection. It could be as simple as holding hands when you’re walking down the street, or cuddling on the couch and watching a movie together. If someone is no longer interested in their marriage, and may even have regrets, it’ll be easy for them to stop showing any sort of physical intimacy towards their partner at all. It can be especially painful if he was once a very loving person who begins to make subtle changes in the way he treats his spouse.
Physical touch is a love language for a reason. Many women and men alike feel the most loved when their partner is providing them with affection. When someone cuts off that intimacy, they can easily show how unhappy they’ve become in their relationship.
7. He hides his phone
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Listen, everyone has boundaries. I know that I am an honest person who never has anything to hide from my partner. However, there is something so invasive about seeing someone go through your phone, even if all the contents are respectable. I know for myself, at least, that my phone is filled with some silly photos, embarrassing screenshots, and other bizarre things I share with my closest friends. It’s not that I don’t want my partner to see these things; I’m just kind of embarrassed by them.
Wanting to keep your phone to yourself is not always a red flag. However, when a husband who secretly regrets his marriage starts hiding his phone from his wife, it’s clear he’s hiding something. If he’s checking over his shoulder to make sure she isn’t reading his texts or walking away to have a phone call in another room, these could be small signs he is seeing someone else and has second thoughts about his commitment to his wife.
8. He changes how he cares about his appearance
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If a husband is starting to regret saying ‘I do,’ he may stop putting effort into the way he looks. He will care less about impressing his wife. He doesn’t feel the need to keep a clean shave or a nice haircut when he could be falling out of love with her. Since he’s not taking her out, he will likely stay in his workout or lounge clothes, not interested in putting together anything special.
On the other hand, however, she may notice he is starting to put more effort into how he looks. Before he goes to work, he’s putting gel in his hair and touching up his beard. If that’s the case, he may be showing that he secretly regrets his marriage by the effort he is putting into impressing someone who isn’t his wife.
9. He becomes secretive about his life
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I’ve been in relationships in the past where I would ask my partner what they were up to before I spoke to them, only for them to react to the question as if it were a police interrogation. If that happens often in your union, your husband may be telling you something without saying any words at all.
In a healthy relationship, a partner will be happy to fill you in about their day. They’ll share what happened from start to finish. If a husband starts acting like you’re asking a few too many questions or he’s guarding his activities like his life depends on it, something more serious is going on. He could be subtly showing that he secretly regrets saying ‘I do.’
10. He leaves you out of decisions
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To have a truly successful relationship, both partners need to be viewed as equals. Important decisions are made together. Whether it’s finances or something lighter like picking out the color of the couch, these are things both members of the household should be involved in (OK, maybe the men can stay out of the couch selection, actually).
When a husband stops consulting with his wife before making decisions that impact both of them, he doesn’t value her input. He could also be looking for a way to set his future up if he chooses to walk away from his relationship.
“A relationship should be a partnership of equals. When one partner makes all the decisions, it creates an imbalance of power. This inequality can affect various aspects of the relationship, from daily interactions to long-term goals and plans,” says Simply Midori. “It is crucial to consider each other’s respective decision circles to maintain harmony and trust.”
11. He doesn't bother arguing anymore
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On the surface, a husband not interested in arguing could sound like the perfect partner. No one wants to argue. It’s draining and taxing on a relationship. However, there is another side to the story. If a husband refuses to fight for his relationship at all, he clearly could be in the midst of major marital regrets.
Arguing, as difficult as it can be, has its time and place in a marriage. People will disagree; that’s just part of life. Talking through these issues can build a stronger relationship. When a man refuses to argue with his wife at all, it shows he clearly no longer cares about their marriage. He could secretly regret ever saying ‘I do’ to her at all.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
