11 Small Signs A Wife Secretly Regrets Saying 'I Do'
These might be little changes, but they show a wife regrets saying 'I do.'
Leszek Glasner / Shutterstock It’s never easy to admit to yourself, or others, that your marriage wasn’t everything you thought it would be. Marriage is a big commitment, and it can be scary to take a hard look at your relationship and realize you may have regrets. Women who regret saying ‘I do’show small signs that they are not as happy as they hoped they would be.
Some women have these feelings immediately after tying the knot.. A study surveyed married couples and asked if they regretted their marriage on their wedding day. One in every 11 couples surveyed said they regretted getting married the day of their wedding, which equals about 10% total. The percentage is low, but it shows that regret can come on immediately. For others, it slowly seeps in as their relationship continues. If a woman is giving these small signs, she secretly regrets saying ‘I do.’
These are 11 small signs a wife secretly regrets saying “I do”
1. She's distanced herself from her partner
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Creating distance between herself and her husband is a clear sign that she secretly regrets getting married. Instead of valuing her time with her partner, she may seem cold and put off. She will text him less throughout the day, and conversations may become surface-level. She will use these subtle signs to show how unhappy she is.
This can stem from several things. She may regret saying ‘I do’ because she has been hurt by her spouse and doesn’t know how to process it. Or, she simply could have realized she needed more from a partnership.
2. She's stopped prioritizing communication
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Clearly addressing your feelings with your spouse is important. Having productive conversations when upset or angry is key to having healthy and successful emotions. When a wife is checked out of her marriage, she may exhibit this by lacking effort during moments of tension with her partner.
She will no longer care to communicate how she feels. This doesn’t always have to be in times of conflict. She can choose not to communicate her true thoughts to him, no matter how big or small they are.
3. She’s stopped showing affection
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We all remember those early days of our relationships. We constantly want to be touched by our partner. Whether it’s holding hands while walking down the street or cuddling on the couch after a long day, affection goes a long way in a relationship.
However, when a wife secretly regrets saying ‘I do,’ she will completely shut off all forms of affection. According to Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, refusing to give affection to your spouse can leave them with ‘touch starvation.’ A wife who secretly regrets their marriage may stop showing affection to show her spouse that she is unhappy.
4. She’s not interested in intimacy
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Constantly turning down your partner’s advances for intimacy is a sure way to show them that you secretly regret your marriage. Intimacy is such an important aspect of relationships. It helps couples feel connected. When it’s cut off, it can cause pain to the spouse who doesn’t understand that their wife secretly regrets their marriage.
"Intimacy in marriage is a vital cog in the smooth running of a relationship," says writer Sylvia Smith. "When intimacy leaves a marriage, your mind can’t help but go to the darkest place and worry that your partner no longer finds you attractive or is having an affair." Lack of intimacy does not always mean she finds her husband unattractive or that she is having an affair. Instead, it could mean she is no longer happy and regrets her marriage.
5. She puts more effort into her hobbies
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Every partnership needs time for each person to take on their own hobbies. I know in my relationship, our personal hobbies allow us to reconnect after having time for ourselves. While doing activities outside of your relationship is usually a positive thing, for women who secretly regret saying ‘I do,’ her top priority will become her time away from her husband.
It’s great to take time for yourself to read or attend a workout class. However, it can become an issue when a woman fills her schedule to the brim as a way to avoid spending time with her husband. If she’s doing more and more away from home, she may secretly regret her marriage.
6. She prioritizes time with friends
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Friendships are important. Studies have found that for many people, their friends are like family. When someone is single, their friendships become the center of their lives and bring them mental satisfaction. Once they enter a relationship, however, it can be hard to balance time between a partner and their close friends.
If a wife is putting in less time with her husband and overly prioritizing her friendships, she may secretly regret getting married. She’ll find more comfort with her friends than with her husband. Of course, it’s important to maintain friendships even in a happy marriage, but spending more time with the girls instead of her husband can show she is secretly unhappy.
7. She constantly finds flaws in her partner
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It’s easy to find flaws in someone when the love you once had for them dwindles. His stack of dishes in the sink that go unwashed, the way he leaves his clothes on the floor, or the way he speaks will become the most annoying thing to her.
“When partners need their loved ones to be flawless, they may be doing so out of a deep sense of being flawed themselves,” writes Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD, ABPP. “Rather than seeing themselves as so perfect that they need their partners to be so as well, it’s quite the opposite.” She could be finding flaws in her partner because she feels the relationship is flawed.
8. She loses patience easily
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Patience is a virtue, but it isn’t easy to maintain when a wife is dealing with regret in her marriage. Just like finding flaws in everything he does, she will start to see his daily actions as irritating. From the way he chews to the way he scrolls on his phone, the smallest things can test her patience.
When she regrets ever walking down the aisle, she will lose her patience with him often. She’ll snap at him over silly things or push back on his ideas just to cause a stir. She won’t have the ability to argue sensibly anymore, because everything he does drives her crazy.
9. She makes decisions without asking her husband to weigh in
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Making decisions as a couple is important in a marriage. While both partners need their independence, big decisions should be made together. When a wife wishes she hadn’t gotten married, she will start to leave her husband out of the decision-making process. She may ask her friends and family for their thoughts before coming to a conclusion, instead of her partner.
“The core of the health of the marriage is the negotiation of it, and it does not include making unilateral decisions without consulting with their spouse,” says Susan G Adams, licensed marriage and family therapist. “Typically, when people do this, they are not acting as partners but more like soloists at a concert — their voice is loud, controls the stage, but unbalances the music.”
10. She tells her friends how unhappy she is
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Venting to friends is healthy. It helps to get things off your chest with someone who understands you. Of course, there is a line that can be crossed here. Talking poorly of her husband to her friends can show she is unhappy in her relationship.
When a woman tells her friends how unhappy she is on a regular basis, it will start to change their feelings towards her husband. It can make dynamics awkward, and they may start encouraging her to leave him.
11. She becomes overly interested in what’s going on in the lives of others
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When you’re unhappy, it’s easier to focus on the lives of others. Suddenly, she may be more invested in neighborhood drama or the troubles in her friend's relationship. It will allow her to place her effort in something other than her own relationship.
If a wife regrets saying ‘I do,’ she can struggle to find the desire to care about her relationship. She’ll instead talk about those of her friends or the recent gossip going around town. These things are an easy distraction.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
