Man Refuses To Propose To The Mother Of His Child Because He Says Marriage Is ‘Just A Piece Of Paper’
We often think that ultimatums aren't fair. But there are exceptions.
SHOTPRIME | Canva Pro A mom turned to Reddit for advice because her boyfriend of five years, who also happens to be the father of her child, has absolutely no interest in ever getting married. In fact, he went so far as to tell her that marriage is "just a piece of paper." She responded with an ultimatum: propose by the end of the year or the relationship is over.
While ultimatums are often seen as a manipulative way to deal with relationship conflict, backing people into a corner without taking into consideration the nuances of each situation, this woman's situation is different. She has been strung along by her boyfriend for so long, she has no real choice but to back him into a corner. The problem is, her boyfriend has already given her his answer. She just isn't recognizing it.
A mom said her boyfriend refuses to propose because he thinks marriage is 'just a piece of paper.'
Timur Weber | Pexels
When it comes to commitmentphobia, this guy just might be the final boss. The woman wrote in her Reddit post that they've been together for five years, and when they began their relationship, she was clear that she was looking for a lifelong partner to marry, not a casual fling.
He told her at the time that he liked to take things slow and wanted to wait five years before taking the plunge. Now that five years is up, and she's brought up the subject of marriage for reappraisal. Unfortunately, his views have changed pretty drastically.
The man's argument against marriage doesn't hold water when you have kids.
As their five-year anniversary approached, she made clear to him that it's time for them to start thinking of next steps, and she wants to be engaged by the end of the year, especially since they've had a child together in the interim.
His response left her shocked. "He started telling me how he doesn't see the point and doesn't believe in marriage anymore because it's just a 'piece of paper,'" she wrote, "and there's no need to get the government involved."
Timur Weber | Pexels | Canva Pro
That sentiment has become a cliche at this point, which is not to say that he isn't right on some level. Many people feel marriage to be an essentially empty commitment that is more about money than anything else. But when you have kids together, that argument goes out the window.
In the U.S., marriage includes legalities that directly impact the child you have together, from their access to health insurance to the inheritance of things like social security benefits should one parent pass away. There are also tax benefits to marriage that impact the financial status of the household, including the child, and wills drawn up between partners who aren't married are frequently challenged in court by blood relatives.
The bottom line is that he doesn't want to get married and has made that clear.
The real clue to what's actually going on here is his response to her asking him what his plans are. "He said he just thinks about day to day," she wrote, and this is where the ultimatum came in. "I told him if he doesn't get it together and propose by the end of the year that I will have to re-evaluate his role in my life and make future plans that don't include him since he is showing me that he doesn't want to be included," she wrote.
He balked and said she was "forcing" him to get married, but that's not the point. He's made it very clear that he doesn't want to get married. But he also doesn't want to be alone. So rather than make a choice, he's simply doing nothing and demanding she go along with it.
Tellingly, the entire reason she agreed to his five-year delay was out of respect for the fact that his last relationship ended with a broken engagement. Translation: He's probably afraid of getting hurt, which is certainly understandable.
But especially since there is a child involved, she's under no obligation to continue entertaining this, and if for no other reason than for the financial well-being of their kid, he should be willing to move forward, come what may. At the end of the day, it's a "if he wanted to, he would" situation, and she's doing nothing wrong by expecting him to make an actual decision.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
