Wife Asks Husband To Decline ‘Amazing’ Promotion Because She Doesn’t Want To Move Away From Her Aging Parents
She insisted that she doesn't want to another state when her parents' health is declining.
WESTOCK PRODUCTIONS | Shutterstock A husband questioned if it was wrong for his wife to insist that he turn down a promotion he was up for at work because of her parents. Posting to Reddit, the husband was conflicted because he thought the opportunity, which he argued would put their kids in a better school system and give them more financial freedom, meant he was putting his family first.
Unfortunately, his wife didn't feel the same way about uprooting their entire life. In fact, she even accused him of being "selfish" for considering taking the job in the first place. That certainly was a little bit harsh, but something every marriage will eventually face is the reality of a hard compromise. There's no clear-cut answer for this couple, but the one thing they should be doing is talking it out.
A husband said his wife wants him to decline an 'amazing' promotion because she won't move away from her aging parents.
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"Currently based in LA. The company that I work for is based in Boston but they have offered an amazing opportunity for me in Seattle," he began in his Reddit post.
He explained that, for multiple reasons, including the high cost of living in the city and his desire to earn more money, he has no qualms about moving out of Los Angeles. If he were to take the promotion and move to Seattle, he'd even have the chance to retire earlier than if he stayed at his current position.
It's not just the financial benefits either. The school options in Seattle are so much better than the options that they currently have. All in all, it would make the most sense to move, at least from his perspective, but his wife, who works remotely, is very much against it.
For some people, an established social circle and access to family can be worth more than money.
His wife's parents are elderly and not doing well health-wise. Where they currently live, his wife is only an hour's drive away from them. For anyone close to their immediate family, that might be enough of a reason to stay, but what this husband is also neglecting to consider is that LA is his wife's home. It's where she has built her life. Her entire social circle would be gone in the blink of an eye. That's not something to take lightly.
The husband, on the other hand, would have an immediate resource in co-workers and colleagues. Although not the same as close friends, it would give him a leg up that neither his wife nor kids would have, starting over in a new city. "I explained that flying to LA from Seattle is about 3 hours, so if something bad happens, we can get there reasonably. She was not having it at all. Keep in mind that I work in a volatile industry and nice options like this don't come often, but she did not care and called me selfish for considering the move," he continued.
As one commenter noted, "Clearly you are prioritizing money over familial and social connections, while your wife finds the opposite more important to her, even more so since she's lived there her entire life and she might have close friendships there that go back 30-40 years. That's an incompatibility that is coming to a head right now."
According to the CDC, "People are social creatures by nature. Our relationships with family, friends, co-workers, and community members are important to our survival. Stable and supportive relationships give us the support we need to cope with stressful life challenges." Sure, making new friends and creating a new community are possible, but this family isn't being forced to do it. It's an option, and both partners need to be on board.
The husband admitted that he's 'conflicted' about the entire situation.
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He pointed out that his aging parents live in Illinois, and he's not exactly close in proximity to them either, seemingly insinuating that his wife's reason for wanting to stay in Los Angeles is something he just doesn't particularly agree with. However, she's not being unreasonable for wanting to stay in her home.
As we get older, it's incredibly hard to see our parents struggle. The reality that they're not immortal and will eventually leave this Earth is always a hard pill to swallow. Frankly, she should be allowed to stay as close to them as she can while she's still able to physically see them. While he acknowledged that promotion offers like this don't come too often, it happened to him once, so there's a possibility it'll happen again.
At the end of the day, they both have valid concerns for wanting to move and wanting to stay. Depending on what can be done, there might be room to find some sort of middle ground, but his wife shouldn't be villainized for wanting to spend as much time with her parents as she can before the inevitable happens.
Instead of turning to Reddit for advice, what this couple really needs to do is talk. Talk it all out. Talk out all the pros and cons. As one commenter advised, "Too much talking > too little talking." They need to talk this issue out until they don't want to talk about it anymore, because if they don't and one partner compromises without feeling heard, resentment will grow, and that could cause serious marital problems down the road.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
