Wife Asks For Husband’s Permission Before Sharing How She Feels
She and her husband have been married for 23 years and swear by this communication style.
PeopleImages | Shutterstock In marriage, there are a lot of factors that go into making it work. Not only do you need to have respect and love for your partner, but there also needs to be good communication. Throughout life, there will be many situations where challenges arise, and the way you and your partner choose to communicate through those moments will make all the difference.
In a TikTok video, a wife named Nova shared the communication dynamic between her and her husband that at first might sound a bit controversial. She explained that when it comes to sharing how she feels, she always asks for her husband's permission first.
A wife explained that she always asks for her husband's permission before sharing how she feels.
"Why do I ask my husband for permission before I share something really, really deep with him?" Nova questioned at the beginning of her video, directly responding to a comment left by a viewer.
She explained that before people get angry about the fact that she asks for permission, she claimed that men usually change under pressure. If you keep taking the pressure away from him, nothing's going to change. After being married to her husband for 23 years, Nova said that they took a "not balanced" relationship and switched it into something that works for them. And when it comes to relationships, that's a great perspective.
Their dynamic now is one where her husband is a provider, taking care of her and her needs, not only financially but also emotionally and physically. Nova said that the reason she asks for his permission when sharing her feelings falls under something that she calls "permissive language." She explained it as a way to schedule an important talk so he is ready to receive whatever information fully. If something is bothering her and might cause conflict, she'll tell him she needs to talk to him about something, and ask when's the best time to have that conversation.
"I don't want to talk to a man that's hungry. I don't want to talk to a man that's stressed. I don't want to talk to a man that's in a bad position," Nova said. "One of the key components of communication is that the person on the other end can hear you."
She explained that finding a good time to talk to her husband means they're going into it level-headed.
"If there is something that we need to talk about that's more intense, he'll ask me if I'm in the mood for it and if I'm in a good place right now," Nova said. "I tend to need to be in a good place emotionally, and he needs to be in a good place mentally. Why? Because he carries a lot of the mental load in our relationship."
Nova recalled that there was a point where they weren't on the same page when it came to communicating, and now, because of time and effort, they've managed to find their balance. They are in a place where they both feel comfortable telling each other their true feelings.
Undoubtedly, some people might balk at Nova and her husband's approach, but not every couple is the same. As long as each partner feels safe, they should make their own rules. There's no manual for the perfect marriage; that's why a healthy relationship takes constant work.
Meaghan Rice PsyD, LPC, explained, "Poor communication is a common marital issue. A lot of couples push their problems aside rather than trying to talk about and fix them. They may get set in their ways and in the roles of the relationship, allowing for resentments to grow. When new challenges arise later in life, they lack the communication skills to properly negotiate new rules, and the relationship suffers."
While Nova and her husband might communicate in an unconventional way, they are actively communicating, and that's why their marriage succeeds. They don't put off the hard stuff, even if they address it differently than other couples.
Conflict in marriage is expected, but it's how you handle it as a couple that truly matters.
August de Richelieu | Pexels
You should never be scared to open up to your partner about something that's bothering you, and the key sometimes lies in not only how but when you choose to have these conversations.
Marriage and family therapist Jennifer Uhrlass explained that "healthy, secure relationships thrive on open, respectful, and emotionally honest communication."
It means sometimes having the deep, difficult conversations, and also learning how to communicate effectively for both you and your partner. Things aren't just being brushed under the rug and ignored; preventing an emotional rift will ensure that communication continues and the relationship thrives.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
